Need help letting go
I have read a few posts about "Disney Dad's" and I think that is what my DH is. He grew up with few rules and I grew up with a strict upbringing. We have full custody of the kids - oldest one is out of the house but the youngest (17) is causing me all kinds of headaches - literally. He knocked me out last week - pushed me so hard that I fell and blacked out. First time he has ever done that - all because I wanted to take his phone for lying to me and DH. Now he went out and bought a pre-paid phone and DH is doing nothing about it. I have raised ss since he was 2 so I consider him my own and have had to do most of the discipline because DH won't. And bm is horrible and will let him do whatever. So now I am waiting for him to turn 18 and hopefully moves out. Unfortunately, it is not for 11 months! I just don't know how to let his bad behavior go - I didn't know how with his brother and it hasn't gotten better with him. ANY suggestions would be appreciated - I have tried counseling (only me because no one else will go). I do have control issues I know that so this is going to be a major struggle for me. Thanks for any input!
You were physically assaulted
You were physically assaulted by a male who is likely adult sized and shaped and you didn't call the cops? Why?
Ditto
Ditto
Sorry for the delay in
Sorry for the delay in responding - it has been a very interesting week in my home. There are so many questions to answer. First...my husband has never been violent with me. My first husband got violent with me and I immediately left. This situation is so different. I think calling the cops would have made the situation worse. I was really hoping that my husband would stand up for me but he didn't. He still hasn't. SS has left the house and my husband hasn't done anything to try and find him. Yes SS got violent, but he is still my son and I am worried about him. He left in the middle of the night and we haven't heard from him since. DH doesn't seem to care...I know he does but he doesn't know how to show it or what to do. I went from being hurt both physically and emotionally by SS to scared for him. DH doesn't know HOW to be a dad. I told him for once he needs to make being a parent a priority. I talked to him for an hour and he did nothing said nothing and I mean nothing! I am frustrated but I don't want to throw 14/15 years out the door.
Okay, I get that *maybe* you
Okay, I get that *maybe* you didn't call the cops on your SS because it might have been accidental and you don't want to overreact, BUT...
You should still file a police report. This is to make sure there is a record of the incident so if there is another such incident and you want to take action in future, at least the first incident is officially on file.
Also, file a report to signal to the SS that the incident is unacceptable and has not gone unnoticed. Even if your DH is being Disney Dad and isn't doing anything to discipline his kid, at least you are protecting yourself from any future incidents.
It's never too late to file a police report. Go do so, then photocopy the document and give that to your SS as a warning that his violence is on record. If nothing else, maybe he'll respect you for standing up for yourself.
That goes for your DH too. Make him realise that you won't take this crap from his kid and you aren't afraid to take measures to protect yourself from future, possibly-not-so-accidental, abuse.
Good luck.