Nanny-cam users, I have a question.
I ordered a nanny cam and it's on it's way. I want to know who is going through my things while DH and I are at work. Actually, I KNOW who it is but I have to have PROOF because all SD11 has to preface her lies with is, "I promise to God that..." and DH believes her. (He has actually SAID that SD doesn't lie-period, even to save her butt or whatever.
Here's the problem: WHEN I bust SD going in our room and going through my stuff (she takes things-money, make-up, clothes, also I believe she pilfers in other personal property), I don't want to tell DH about the camera until AFTER I have the evidence, DH confronts SD, and SD lies about it. DH IS GOING TO BE PISSED OFF!! AT ME!!! But he is BLIND and stupid to think SD is too angelic to lie. But every time I come home for lunch, DH has left our bedroom door unlocked giving access to SD. Also, SD and I are getting along well and I really don't want her to get in trouble but I also don't want my privacy violated.
SD11 and BD12 are here
SD11 and BD12 are here together.
If you are feeling guilty
If you are feeling guilty about blind siding your DH and gettins SD in trouble then why bother with the web cam?
I would suggest that you get over your unreasonable guilt and go for the cams. WHen you get the footage sit them both down and review it together askign SD if she took your stuff first. When she plays her "I swear to God..." card then bare her lying ass and let DH know that he does not blister some bare lying kid butt with a belt that you will.
I have no tolerance for this kind of crap and if DH won't adress it you have no choice but to get it done.
When my DW and I married when SS-20 was 1yo I insisted on being an equity parent to any children in our home. I am an equity parent to my DW and I am for damned sure far superior to BioDad as a parent. DW are equity partners in our marriage and that includes parenting.
Over the years we did have some struggles over discipline of the Skid. I gaver her a choice - step up and get it done before I have to or support me when I do it. That worked great once we worked through the details.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
Put the nanny cam up and
Put the nanny cam up and don't say a word. When you bust SD tell DH you were worried someone was routinely breaking in the house since SD swore to G-d that it was not her and your items kept going missing. You were worried that it might be some crazy person that would come back and harm you in your sleep or harm SD when you were at work or asleep.
I had to do the security cameras since SS9 kept crying that DD3 was hurting him and DD3 would always be crying and sometimes would say SS9 hit her. It caused a lot of problems and lo and behold it was SS9 doing all the hitting.
Put the nanny cams up just
Put the nanny cams up just because there's stuff missing. No blame on skid just stuff is missing. He'll be pissed alright but he'll get over it.
I told DH I'd put in nanny cams because same thing was happening. He was sure skid was telling the truth. Well cam proved that skid took his marathon 3-6 hour "naps" instead of doing homework & wouldn't open the patio door for the dogs. Then he'd lie, blame the dogs for peeing inside, blame his teachers for bad grades, blame me for lying about stuff missing from purse, etc.
DH saw footage, apologized to me & let skid have it. But be prepared for skid resenting you too. If DH were to know about the camera first though, it would take a little less heat off of you, SM.
PS, we have surveillance camera footage of BM doing things she shouldn't be doing in front of our house, was used in court. I LOVE technology }:)
In the morning I lock the
In the morning I lock the bedroom door before I leave. There is a bathroom door that leads to the hallway and our bedroom. That door just has a little latch thing, which I lock. DH has a key to our bedroom door, but instead of using it, he busts through the bathroom door and then leaves our room wide open for the rest of the day. So when I come home from work on lunch or when I get come home after work, I go into my bedroom to find things out of place. Even the "toy drawer" has been gotten into!!! I HAVE TO HAVE PERSONAL PRIVACY to feel comfortable in my home.
I have thought about catching SD on film and showing it to HER, and telling her I wont tell her dad, but I will have the camera going EVERY DAY. Any thoughts on that idea?
I would set up the cams and
I would set up the cams and get her caught on tape. She can't deny it then .. and DH will be forced to at least SEE the undeniable evidence. I would wait for a few instances so you have more than one example of it happening .. so she can't play innocent like she was looking for something of hers that went missing ..
Then I would make it very clear to her that the cameras are staying, and their locations will be moved every night. You don't want her snooping in your room to disable cameras either ..
Definately this!
Definately this!
"DH has a key to our bedroom
"DH has a key to our bedroom door, but instead of using it, he busts through the bathroom door and then leaves our room wide open for the rest of the day."
You DO know that this is a power play by DH? It's being passive aggressive against you as if to say "how DARE you not trust my darling kiddo!--IF my kid is doing this, then it is HER RIGHT because I want her to [feel at home/feel comfortable] [TM]" And of course, if your BD is there, DH will blame this stuff on her.
Passive agressive? Oh hell
Passive agressive? Oh hell yeah! Power play? Damn straight. DOUBLE STANDARDS-way of life.
I KNOW this, and I really am starting to think about divorce, not because of the BM, not the SD, but DH.
There are a number of things that "signs of emotional abuse" match my life with DH. Last night really took the cake. I went to a church thing, small group of people. I stayed late talking to a few of my friends and the last lady to leave besides me left about 10 minutes before DH burst through the door (we were in the lobby talking-a guy I've known for 9 years. Lobby is made of about 80% glass and I'm at CHURCH!!!! Not like I was out in the parking lot giving out free BJ's.
DH: "lets GO!!!!"
Then when I got home, he said he doesnt want to hurt me or anyone else, but the fact that he doesnt want to wont stop him. He threatedned me with violence for the first time. Now. For talking to someone at church in front of God and everybody.
I know this has gone way off topic and I'm sorry about that, but I am a little freaked out.
Just when I thought things might get better.
This really prompt my reply.
This really prompt my reply. This is we're my abusive ex started. I put your head through the brick wall--- and lead to my TO against him and 10 years of verbal and emotional abusive where he cleared himself by saying I've never touched you. it won't be better only worse, ask Red wings she will tell you, your putting your daughter on the line. You are modeling relationships for her right now. Is this the type of marriage you want for HER??? If not, leave now. Right now, pack your stuff and go. Abuse is like a ladder you never climb down from only up. Next fight the abuse starts where it left off. And climbs. Last time he called you a b!tech next time a slu t than........
He needs to know she's doing
He needs to know she's doing it and you aren't lying.
Agree with Fur. If you tell
Agree with Fur.
If you tell her it's just our little secret, that's eventually going to blow up in your face too.
Just be advised that many
Just be advised that many have gone before you and have recorded the video evidence. . .only to have guilty daddy flat out deny his own eyes. . .then get mad at SM for "not trusting" the skids. A guilty daddy seldom recovers!
By "guilty daddy" do you mean
By "guilty daddy" do you mean a man who has been a son of a bitch absent, neglectful asshole to his kids in the past and so NOW the kids get away with MURDER?
This is useful query. Pal,
This is useful query. Pal, you have need to change of your camera device and should used well featured digital camera. The Polariode kameraer is awesome for you that seem to me. Thanks for letting us!
Shoot, I'd set that sucker up
Shoot, I'd set that sucker up and let it happen a few times just so when you do sit him down to watch the video it can't be claimed that it's only happened that one time and you can't blame her for all of the other times.
Also... Sit the lil gal down with him and let the both of them watch it at the same time. It'll be priceless.