SS and STEALING. Looking for Suggestions
SS Is in 7th grade. Among other annoying traits I’ve come to realize over the last year or so SS is a Thief as well.
Last year SS came over wearing a Antique watch. Turns out the watch belonged to DH. DH asked SS where he got the watch and he said in his Cousin’s room. His cousin is a 16 yr old girl and VERY UNLikely she would have stolen a tacky mans watch from the 1940s. I’m sure SS stole it and just stupid to wear it over from the place he stole it from.
I’ve had phone chargers, money, tablet chargers, Crystal figurines and other small items that could easily fit in a pocket or backpack Mysteriously disappear. Of course when Confronted SS Denies if he’s seen them.
We have a huge house so putting nanny cams in every room would not be Financially feasible. I try and hide things(money, Electronics ect) that I think SS would try and steal. Again its only small Items that disappear. Things SS can Shove in his pocket or school book bag.
DH is either in Denial or pretends to be as he does not know what to do since SS is Denying everything.
So I’m coming here looking for help. Ideas. How can I make it harder for SS to steal shit? Any all opinions thoughts appreciated
Personally, I don't believe
Personally, I don't believe in locking my shit up in my own home that I pay for, so I wouldn't suggest that as many stepmoms do this to prevent skid thieves. I'm more of a "go after DH" to handle the situation with his kid type of person. This is on your DH to fix, not you. If your DH sticks his head in the sand, then you have your message - he is not interested in fixing this and as such, you can decide if this is something you want to live with. The skid is young still; what is he going to steal as he gets older. DH has to nip this now.
Personally, I don't believe
Personally, I don't believe in locking my shit up in my own home that I pay for
I am right there with ya.
Stealing was not an issue, nosiness was. I told DH that if I ever thought SD was spying in our house, going through my filing cabinet or whatever, for her BM, I would not lock stuff up, she just would not be allowed to come over.
I'm with you two - this is a
I'm with you two - this is a DH problem. No one needs to witness it to know he's stealing and DH needs to do something about it.
I like Halo's idea below of having him empty his pockets and bags, both coming and going.
When we has stealing issues with SS
we would dump out back packs and pockets at the door prior to leaving the house. We found the items he was stealing that way.
^^^^ Yep, and when the truth
^^^^ Yep, and when the truth comes out, your husband needs to dish out consequences every.single.time.
Strip his room down so he has
Strip his room down so he has only the bare essentials. Prison guard searches of all bags and pockets when arriving or leaving. Maybe a few nanny cams in strategic places. When something comes up missing , takes something of his. Is he selling the stuff for drugs? Time to play hard core with your stuff and make it more painful for DH for you to be pissed off than him hurting SS feelings.
We were told by a Child
We were told by a Child Psychologist, the "next" time anything goes missing to call the police and file a report.
Have the police come when the kid is there.
Do you know if the theif steals stuff at moms house. OR are you just the lucky ones.
Does skid just steal stuff or does skid break your stuff too? "ACCIDENTLY" of course...(barf)
Holy god what state do you live in???
SS also has a Psychiatrist and ANYTIME SS does something bad it’s “ oh he must need a increase/change of meds” from the Psychiatrist as poor baby(gag) can’t help it Because he has a mental condition. No punishment no consequences. No joke. Therapists are worthless where we live and Either blame shitty kid behavior on a “mental disorder” or it’s the parents fault never the kids fault. If DH ever called the police on SS for stealing BM would flip out and have his ass back in family court before the police could even Finalize the report.
Not sure if he’s stealing stuff from BM’s but he never comes over with anything from BM’s house so I’m thinking we are just the lucky ones. Don’t think he’s ever stole anything from a store either as he’s so dumb he would be caught. Hoping he does and gets caught. Maybe if DH gets a little heat from the local police about his minor child stealing it might get him to do something
Well honestly, this kind of
Well honestly, this kind of IS DH's fault, at least partly, since he's not doing anything about it.
At the very least, shake the kid down before he leaves.
I am in favour of the
I am in favour of the emptying the bags and pockets solution.
What KIND of mental condition
What KIND of mental condition does ss have?
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If DH ever called the police on SS for stealing BM would flip out and have his ass back in family court before the police could even Finalize the report.
=-------
OP calling to the police to file a report is NOT calling the police to say ss did it. Its just a report of items stolen. GET it???
If ss was not there and if your car was stolen or vandalized, would you not call the police? Of course you would.
Who gives a shit what bm would think OR do. She does not control your home.
SS has had different Diagnosis through the years BUT right now
BUT the two that have “stuck” is ADHD and Oppositional definant disorder/mood disorder. Real fun Combination.
Thats a great idea about just calling the police BUT since I’m not stupid enough to leave Valuable items like jewelry out where SS can steal them its Usually things like a phone charger or DVD that go missing. I’m not sure how the local police would feel about getting a call about a missing DVD. If large Quantities of things went missing at the same time it might be Doable but it’s usually just one or two things every few weeks.
What if you picked something
What if you picked something of value to "sacrifice?" I know it sounds bad, but if he really is a thief and nobody is willing to do anything about it, what if you left money, an ipad, a phone, something that he would likely take. You shouldn't have to resort to that but if you or your husband are afraid of BM, if the therapists keep saying it's not the poor angel's fault, maybe having reason to call the police will scare him straight?
My SS also has ADHD,
My SS also has ADHD, sometimes he "steals" without the intention to steal because he needs to fidget.
Regardless, things ends up in his room. Sometimes forever lost, sometimes broken. When he gets caught he also likes to say "I don't know how it get there" or "_____ gave me this" or "I found it on the ____." Sometimes he even told as "I don't know (why it is in my hand)." When SS took our stuff and break it, we now start to ask him to repay the value of the item he breaks. (but of course not full value if the item is expensive..)
Although the difference here is that my SS mostly has no intention to steal, he didn't keep the item because he "wants" them. Your SS really seems like a piece of work. Perhaps he really needs the police to tell him off.
This kid is going to make a
This kid is going to make a fine ex boyfriend and ex husband some day if your H doesn't up his parenting game.
He lacks empathy and consideration for others, both of which need to be taught. Does your H ever use role switching when he corrects his son? You know, "How would you feel if so&so did such&such to you, Bratleigh?" and then make him think about it before answering?
I've shared my story of my DH's BPD youngest daughter who seemingly couldn't breathe unless she was lying. She's why we have a zero tolerance policy for liars. Living with one is emotionally draining and exhausting. Your marriage is going to suffer quite a bit of strain if things don't change soon.
Trust must be earned. Search the kid before he goes back to BM, and have your H notify BM of what's going on. They need to work together on this.
Killjoy is a thief. She
Killjoy is a thief. She stole from me personally to even the score for all the perceived slights she was a victim of. You know, because I bought the wrong brand of crackers and Satan was angry that I stole DH from her after she'd already divorced him for her new Mealticket, so she could bleed both of them dry.
I couldn't live with her, so I kicked her out.
If you dont want to sacrifice
If you dont want to sacrifice something valuable. Pull a bluff, when something comes up missing. Make it a point to mention in front of SD that you are glad you had cameras installed and you will be checking them later and turning the video evidence over to the police.
Lol that’s a Awesome idea you guys are so great
I would love to Casually mentioned this in front of Step Monster just to see the expression on his face. Of course it would be short lived as SS Would immediately go ask DH if I was Telling the truth about security cameras. I don’t see DH going along with it for two reasons. One he’s in denial about his Demon Spawn being a thief if we catch him on tape then DH would have to deal with it. And #2 if DH did play along and told SS it was true SS would have such a level ten meltdown screaming swearing he is NEVER coming over intill we get rid of them. Oh course DH would back down at that point.
SD 21 Feral Forgers tale of woebgone
Feral Forger, when she was still on visitation schedules, around 17 or so started stealing.
SHoplifting. AND she got caught. It was her second time caught on camera and since she had money in her wallet, they only fined the parents $250. There were no consequences to actions. She was needed to watch DH's elderly mother so she was not at all punished in any way whatsoever. DH paid the fine and she mom-sat in trade.
I was so mad! And Toxic Trolls bf at the time was also mad! When he said something to feral forger, she hit him. Again no repercussions. Nada.
So - fast forward a few years, and she stole $$$, and checks from her mother. $1,200 or more. What repercussions? She was 20. No repercussions. Mother just took her paychecks, so she quit her job. Still living with Toxic Troll, no job, no drivers license.
My point is that your DH and BM are enabling this turd. He will not get better, he WILL get worse, and go to jail eventually.
Several options have been presented. I suggest you try at least some of them.
1 Nanny cams in strategic locations, like YOUR bedroom, places where you keep things.
2. The pat-down before entering and before leaving so he cannot claim "well I already had that when I came over..."
3. Police report.
4. A lockable cabinet.
5. those easy finders - with chips in them for valuable stuff that goes missing. Like apps for finding phones and laptops.
Seriously - you must get on this now. Because pretty soon it will be credit cards, and cash.
Arrival and departure full
Arrival and departure full body and bag searches.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
He can whine, cry, be offended.... but.... he will either get caught or not steal from your home. If you find anything on his arrival search call the police and let them speak with him about where he got it. Take video so that he can't play the he said you said game.
DH is the problem here. my
DH is the problem here. my SS12 would steal things from my house frequently,, he would never be caught in the act though. So instead of me asking him if he had stolen something ,, i started playing his game of bluff and told him straight away he needs to return the items/money without giving him the oppurtunity to lie, i acted that i already knew. he would then return the items. DH would never reprimand him or anything ,,,, one time i raised the issue of the SS stealing money left on the bench ,, DH had the ordasity to ask me if i had evidence that his son had stolen it ,,, what a joke for a parent! My advice ,, purchase a little bluetooth camera from ebay around $50,, set up a "sacrifice item" in the room where the little cam is hidden and watch the little brat from your phone! when is is caught red handed..... "here DH deal with this"!!!!
I'd check his pockets and
I'd check his pockets and bags before he left the house every time and take his door. Act like a criminal get treated like one.
^^^THIS^^^
I'm a big believer in taking their door away if you're discipling for a breach of trust. It was definitely YSD's currency - and her room was opposite a hallway of floor to ceiling windows, so there was only one corner of her room that wasn't exposed. Mwaah ha ha!