My New Life
Well, where do I start? I'm recently married and just had a son (6 months old) with my new husband. I have 2 kids from my previous marriage (1 boy & 1 girl) and my husband has 3 kids (2 girls and 1 boy). All the kids live with us except for his sone who visits every other weekend. The difficult thing about this is my husband is gone about 20 days out of the month which leaves me to raise 5 (somemtimes 6) kids on my own plus hold a full time job. I love my husband to death but I would be lying if I didn't say this was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Sometimes I feel as though I no longer exist and my life is about making sure everyone else is taken care of. I tell my husband that the most important thing I need is time with him so we have date night each time he comes home which is about once a month. We also make sure we have family day/night at least once every time he is home so the kids can have time with him too. But, I noticed even though I get designated date night, I still feel as though I just don't get enough time with him. Everytime he is home I have to share him with everyone else - kids, his family, friends and I'm beginning to feel jealous. What should I do? I hate feeling like this.
You need to make a decsion
Can you continue as it currently is....
2nd What would help you change the way that it currently is?
Maybe you can tell your husband, and he can start to look for another job. Maybe if it is too good of a job, you can get some help with the housework so that when he does come home you don't have to be doing the regular maintance type stuff you can spend it all with him and the kids.
3rd What changed between when you were dating and to now that you are married and is there a way to correct the "bad" things and keep the "good" things?
Just my thoughts....
You are right...
Thanks for the advise. I think I'll talk to him to see what we can do to make more time when he comes home. It is difficult because most of the time I'm working when he is home since I have my full time job as well. I knew what I was getting into when I married him. Although I don't think I realized how tough it was really going to be. When we were dating we were not living together. I took his kids every weekend so they could get used to me and my children but that was the extent of it. Now that we are married, I have 5 full time. It's got to get better! Thank you so much for your help. So, what's your story?
It Will Get Better...
once they are all grown and out on their own. That's the cold, hard truth and not much to hold onto, is it? First of all, I think you're a brave and loving woman to take on the chore of raising his kids, plus your own. I can only guess how fatiguing it must be at the end of the day. So my hat's off to you!
Talk with your hubby. He's probably not able to read your mind yet and is maybe just a little oblivious to how you're feeling. He's your partner and needs to help you, if by no other way than to listen to your fears.
Being gone 20 days a month is a dream job when there's 5 kids at home needing to be raised. Is there anyway he can get a job that doesn't take him away? Or can you go to part-time...or full-time stay at home? It may take some financial adjustments, but in the long run it may be worth the sacrifice. Don't your kids go to their BD once in a while? Don't your SKids go to their BM once in a while? Maybe you can arrange those visits when they are all gone at one time? I'm sure you've thought of these things already. Wish I could offer more thought-provoking ideas.
Anyway, talk to him, because you need a break.