More ludicrous demands from BM
Hi, guys. I have had a long break from having to deal with BM, since SD16 has ceased communication with her father and me (he has not heard from her since early 2013). We send child support, pay her health insurance, and review the copays from the insurance company's records and send BM a check quarterly for those. In October, my husband was served with a "show cause" notice concerning unpaid expenses that BM thinks he should pay for. These include a concierge fee for her primary care physician, massages, energy healing sessions, gluten-free food, tutoring for AP English, a summer "Spanish enrichment" trip to Costa Rica for two weeks at a cost of $2500, tylenol, and OTC allergy meds. She sent a stack of grocery store receipts with gluten-free brownie mix and pretzels, as well as quinoa and energy bars circled on the receipts. The rest of the purchases are blacked out like a CIA document redacted for release. The energy healing costs $90/session, and SD16 goes weekly after one of her counseling sessions. (Those are covered under the insurance and we have paid half the copays.) SD has had as many as 3 counseling sessions per week and just recently dropped back to one weekly. SD16 is currently on 6 medications, prescribed by a psychiatrist. Several are for side effects from the ADHD meds that we don't believe she even needs. The family practice where SD is seen has recently stopped billing insurance companies at all, instead charging $360 per year just to be a patient in the practice, not for any actual medical services.
The total demand is for over $6000, in addition to the child support to be increased, and in addition to the over $2500 we have paid her for medical expenses in the last two years. The total submitted to my husband's insurance company for SD16's medical care in 2 years is over $27,000. This is for a healthy child doing okay in school. The energy healer has no license to practice anything in Virginia, not massage or therapy of any kind.
To make matters worse, my husband's mother passed away in the spring, and he received an inheritance that he used to pay off the HELOC on our house, and put away the rest in a retirement account, since he has nothing saved for retirement. BM is going to try to get her hooks into that money. Unfortunately, Virginia has a precedent that counts inheritance as income.
DH has hired an attorney, since this is so complicated and weird. The attorney thinks he could have to pay for all of it. I am so anxious and worried. We had just gotten to a place where we could afford to go out to dinner once a month and have a cushion in case we had an emergency. We just had to replace the heat pump. Lawyer wanted a retainer of $3500.
Any advice? You guys have made me feel so much better in the past.
Food is under child support.
Food is under child support. That hocus pocus voodoo is something that BM decided without proof of agreement for these sessions from BF. AND that trip to Costa Rica is also something that good ol Mom made all the decisions on. Along with the tutor.
The courts have enough sense to know that people don't get to make up their minds on spending other folks money and then demand reimbursement.
Who,is funding this BM? Where are her lawyer funds coming from??
BM is a nurse. She makes a
BM is a nurse. She makes a good income. She also took SD's college fund of $25,000 out of the 529 status and has that money, too. She kept the house she and DH bought which has tripled in value. And her attorneys seem to be working on some sort of pro-bono basis. She is not paying retail.
I agree with a_nessy_life
I agree with a_nessy_life food is covered under CS - even specialized food. Even in NJ, BM can't arbitrarily decide to send the kid to Costa Rica & bill Dad for it. I seriously doubt any judge is going to bill him for New Age medical healing treatments. Counseling probably - but you said he already paid half of the co-pays. You need to speak to a new lawyer ASAP.
I honestly don't know if I
I honestly don't know if I should LOL at this post or :jawdrop:
Who the hell does your hex think she is??
Please get a laugh out of it.
Please get a laugh out of it. I'm the one who constantly feels like puking.
CO says 50% of reasonable
CO says 50% of reasonable medically necessary expenses. All of this was just presented as a done deal. The energy healing came about from a suggestion from SD's counselor (LCSW, not a physician) that it might be helpful with SD's therapy. DH gave BM sole custody two years ago because it was completely impossible to get any agreement from BM about anything. Constant arguments and conflict, so DH chose peace. We had about 8 months of peace. It was great. And we will get back to peace again, if SD ever graduates from high school. I expect BM to sabotage that so she can get CS until SD is 19.
This. Do not pay this idiots
This. Do not pay this idiots retainer and find someone better!
Your lawyer thinks DH may
Your lawyer thinks DH may have to pay? DH needs to get out the CO and see what and how expenses are laid out. No way should he have to pay for some of these things unless he managed to get himself the CO from hell in what he agreed to (that or it's worded in a manner that BM's lawyer can drive a semi through the loopholes). What the CO says and how it says it may help you understand what your lawyer said...or perhaps DH needs a new lawyer?
Your BM is like a venture circling around 'food'. She smelled the money as soon as she read MIL's obituary.
His divorce decree is
His divorce decree is ridiculous. He agreed to pay for car insurance, school trips, and college until SD is 25. Fortunately at least the college has the phrase "if he can afford it" included.
The hearing is set for Feb.6
The hearing is set for Feb.6 The lawyer DH used previously is on maternity leave with her second child, so he had to start at zero with the new one, who was referred to us by the attorney we used to draft wills (leaving SD out). So there is not a lot of time to interview a new attorney. I have been researching case law myself, and other than the inheritance, I don't see any case law that backs up her demands. It all will hinge on the judge and his (or her) definition of medically necessary and reasonable. The attorney did supoena the energy healer to testify and explain exactly what she does. That will be an interesting bit of testimony.
LOLLOL!! Ms. Healer, is it
LOLLOL!!
Ms. Healer, is it true when your clients reach the highest levels of auric healing, they can fart rainbows?
Attorney says anything from
Attorney says anything from energy healer's website or elsewhere is "here say". Likewise the statements from the insurance company that separate the counseling sessions on the codes for individual and family therapy. DH was not included in any family therapy, so why should he pay for that?? Those copays are already paid, to avoid conflict, but it never ends with BM.
You guys are all right about the attorney. It is the thing that makes me most anxious right now.
Family court in Virginia is a
Family court in Virginia is a terrible joke. Reality doesn't come into play. You guys would be shocked. I had a friend whose income was imputed to be $100,000 because she lived with her new husband in a good neighborhood. She is an unemployed artist who sells a painting now and then. We could get the same judge.
My friend had custody of her
My friend had custody of her children. She wasn't trying to evade anything. It's a big stretch to say a new spouse (or someone else who houses a parent and her children) takes on the responsibilities of the person they "take in".
Be that as it may, this situation is different, absolutely. And he can get the same judge hearing this case that ruled on my friend's. The ruling had no basis in reality. Since my friend lived where she did, she must make $100,000/year. So why not impute $20K or $50K? Where are the limits?
I will. I felt so much
I will. I felt so much better today after reaching out and sharing what was going on. I will be sure to update as this goes on. Thanks to all for being there!