Modifying parenting agreement
We are going through the process of trying to modify the parenting time agreement, and BM's attorney wants to add in things like,
"Step-parents and live-in equivalents will not take on any of the parenting responsibilities"
"parents agree not to let the child play video games that are not age appropriate or play video games that are not age appropriate in front of the child."
"If father is unable to keep parenting time, he agrees to reimburse mother for any child care costs that she may incur as a result"
Keep in mind that as of yet, she is unwilling to agree to let him have his daughter during times that he doesn't work, so either I have to watch her, without taking on any parenting responsibilities, or he has to pay BM to watch their child.
As far as the video games, I think that's kind of a parental discretion sort of a thing, and I wouldn't want BM being able to say that something like angry birds is too violent or something stupid like that, and control what happens at our house.
Are these standard requests or just BM being a controlling bitch? We will be getting an attorney and taking it to court, I just want to know what to expect.
Whoa hello super controlling.
Whoa hello super controlling. FDH used to tell me it was in the CO that SD must have her own bedroom when visiting FDH. HA! (not only did she not have a room when him and I met, but he lived in his parents basement, and she slept in the bed with him!)
Your house, your rules. I dont discipline SD, but have been told I can give direction and time-outs. I make rules more often than FDH does when it comes to when and how we will do activities. The CO does state things something about being negative towards the other parent and that they must share spiritual/educational/medical information and decisions etc. But that video game line is just stupid.
Is your DH going to have to pay half of the child care costs anyways? If so, then theres no reason to give BM any more money. Id expect an attorney to laugh at these types of requests, as any adult should be able to step in and 'act as a parent - the discipline' when they are live in the home that the child comes to visit.
She also wants to add in that
She also wants to add in that she has to have her own bed and her own space, and have access to food and the restroom at all times.
Agree on access to a restroom.
She spends 4 nights a month at our house. She currently is fortunate enough to have her own bed and bedroom, but should our financial situation change for whatever reason, she would be the first person sleeping on the couch, and I wouldn't want BM to say that wasn't okay. At 4 nights a month, I think a couch is a perfectly adequate sleeping space if necessary.
Also, no, she may not have access to our food at any time she likes. We offer her 3 meals a day and 2 snacks if she eats the preceding meal. At 5, I don't think she should get to choose what she eats and when she eats.
Also, we have never locked her in her room or anything like that to keep her out of the bathroom or kitchen, but she is expected to stay in her room at bedtime except to use the restroom. So I'm not really sure where this comes from either.
ETA: He will be paying child support that goes towards her daycare, but part of the modification is a change in child support, and I'm not sure how much that will be. I agree that he should not have to pay extra, and this is what child support is for. BM is FAMOUS for sending their daughter to daycare just to get a "break" for the day, even when it has nothing to do with work/school. So I wouldn't even trust her to take her to daycare if it was impossible for her to care for their daughter herself.
Agreed. It is all bull. It
Agreed. It is all bull. It pretty much says "BM can do whatever the hell she wants and BF can pay for it!"
agree
agree
I highly recommend you agree
I highly recommend you agree to the first requirement.
Use this sites search engine and search for 'disengage' and understand how important it is to your mental health.
Don't make this war your war.
I just don't think that's
I just don't think that's BM's decision. I have backed off a lot in parenting responsibilities lately, to reduce some of my stress in the matter, but that should be a decision between me and her dad, not BM.
You have no power - you can
You have no power - you can be over-ridden by either parent - you want to disengage. Give her a bone you don't want anyway.