Have you always felt like this or have things come to a head with all that the covid situation entails? 

Since you have a kid, maybe try to hang on the last 2 years - you are in the home stretch! It's hard living with near-adults, even if they are yours. Usually harder if not. You are almost there! 

I totally get it. DH's kids aren't my people. And honestly I hate faking family with them. We clearly aren't each other's inner circle, and that's really, really super okay! I'm sorry for how hard this past year has been, and I'm in the same boat. I just really, really need to get to fall and let things return to some version of "normal". But your feelings are valid, and you're welcome to vent here anytime. 

Im an introvert, too.  DH and 2 of his 3 kids are extraverts as is my BS (my DD is an introvert, like me).  I found steplife difficult due to this mismatch.  We also had all 5 living here, it was intense, to say the least.

I went back to work, part-time at first.  That helped tremendously, I'm not sure why.  A couple years later, I went full-time.  That really helped me, being with adults all day.  I still don't understand the dynamics but maybe it might be something to consider.

I am so grateful I had the opportunity to be a SAHM for several years, I realize it was a gift during that time when the SKs were moving in and we had so many issues.  But I was a happier person when I worked.  Good luck.

I completely relate to the introvert/extrovert, I am an introvert through and through and so is my son and I would put my SS21 more in that category.  The 3 of us are pretty similar in that we are more low key for the most part, and don't need (or want) the company of others or a lot of activity all the time.  My DH and SD18 are extroverts.  DH grew up in a house with people in and out all the time, and being with friends and family constantly.  SD always wanted a friend over or to be on the go.  She was also in and out of our house often, which was a pain point for me as an introvert who wanted privacy - I was totally fine on their 50% of their time here with them being in and out because I expected it, but if they were on their mom's time, it really affected me to have her walk through the door at any given moment.  Whether that was fair or not, I don't know, and it wasn't that she wasn't "welcome", I just needed consideration and control over that piece of my home to know who was going to be around. As a compromise, I asked DH to talk to her about letting us know before she came, and that was a trigger for her to meltdown and claim she wasn't welcome here, and the start of years of conflict.   She got better about texting him first, but that didn't help me if he wasn't home, or if it was right as she hit our driveway.  Anyway, it came down to personality types and expectations, and it is hard to meh that in a stepfamily situation. Instead of everyone wanting to work together for each other, it feels more like everyone working hard to protect themselves.  Just not a natural situation, and not easy for anyone to navigate no matter what role or how "easy" things may seem like they should be.  

My advice is to keep the dialogue with your DH open on things that do impact you, it sounds like you are blessed to have a DH who is willing to set boundaries and listen.  That is huge.    The next thing is not to be so hard on yourself.  There are so many factors and feelings that go into stepfamilies.  We have to take care of ourselves too, that is how we can best be there for everyone else.   It sounds like you are doing a great job, and everything is going to be ok.  That's so great you are able to get away for a couple months, I hope that refreshes you and you come back ready to start again!

Personally, I think you are doing fine, you just aren't the storybook picture-perfect stepmother that really exists in fantasy only, anyway.  You feel like many people feel about stepkids - they aren't yours, so you tolerate them instead of embracing them.

Your DH is a good parent, his kids aren't rude, he doesn't coddle or baby them - so really, how things are is fine.

I don't have much to do with my SS21. I'm cordial to him, but that's about it.

When YSS lived with us, it felt like I had a roommate

• I didn't get to choose (and I wouldn't have chosen some one who was as loud, messy and at times plain gross)
• Who's rent, food,etc I subsidised
• Who I could get rid of

It drove me insane.   I was ready to move out myself and end the relationship with DH.  But eventually YSS got to college/uni age and DH helped him to find a shared house with roommates his own age.

My mental health has improved drastically since then.  And my relationship with YSS improved too.

I can relate quite a lot to what has been said here.  I would definately say I'm more of an introvert and my partner more extrovert, when together tho we seem to create a nice balance.  His family are very much extrovert tho and SD is just WAY too over the top - to the point that I find it incredibly hard to relate in any way - there's simply no common ground there at all.  Pretty much everything about them grates on me.   As others have mentioned - they are not 'my people' and never will be.  It is what it is.  It is hard though when your OH wants you to be more involved or more interested. I question myself all the time but ultimately you can't change how you feel.  It's either find a way to deal with it so it has the least negative impact on you - or make that decision to call it.  It's not easy though.  

Whenever I go nuts about a step issue (and believe me, there are many), I think, what if it was my mom?  What if, instead of living in a long-term, she had to live here? Or, what if she lived elsewhere but had to be here a few days on a weekly schedule.  Of course, I would want the best for her but I know it would be hard on DH.  

Maybe try to think of your situation in those terms.  You have a family member who must be there regularly.   It might be a little aggravating to you but probably much worse for your DH.  You would hope he'd be polite and civil to her.  You would dread the thought that he might leave you over it.  You would think, this won't go on forever but she's your mom, what else can you do?

Hoping for the best possible outcome for you.

You're not alone. We are long distance and I barely see skid, but I still hate the fact that dh has another kid with someone else who he's responsible for. I can't get over it, I've tried therapy, meditation, everything. It's not for everyone and it's definitely not natural. When he is here, I have panic and anxiety. I  turn into a different person. I'm so glad that dh is happy not to blend because if he insisted on facilitating a relationship between skid and our two young kids, I probably would freak. But the feelings of guilt and shame are there, too. Societal expectations are strong.

My step kids are not the worst on the planet either. They don't argue with me, and they aren't "needy" so much as they are sorta selfish. But I feel you. I've never felt that it's right for me, it feels like someone said above, artificial for me. My therapist says I'm doing an amazing job but I feel like such a fraud. I just keep focusing on what I got out of the whole thing, DD6.