Kind of funny, kind of sad
Curious what people think about this. One of my close relatives recently found out her husband was cheating. A shock because their marriage has been relatively good, plus they're in their late 50's. She found a cheap braclet in his toiletry kit. When asked his face drew a blank then he back tracked saying he got it for her. That's what led up to her investigating him. Got into his phone and found a texting app that bypassed their carrier. Then the phone location showed parts that were erased...basically all the signs and a few other ones. She couldn't get a address or women's name.
A divorce is out of the question, so she decided to delete the app letting him think he may have been caught. Said he was quiet for a few days, then acted super nice. Then someone sent him some weird link to a sex website. Relative believes the woman was mad he broke it off. She also had a few weird things sent to her phone. This is when she decided to not confront him about it because the damage was already done. Instead she decided to wait a few weeks then sent him a text making it look like the OW sent it. Something to the effect of saying she was going to let his wife know the kind of guy he was. After that she noticed he was locking the doors every night which he never did before. And looking deep in thought.. Obviously she'll never trust him, but doesn't think some skank is worth divorcing over. Also, she knows she can't ever trust him again, and a lot has changed there.
I'm wondering what other women on here would have done. Yes I think it's funny she tortured him and watching him panic and sweat, but not sure I could keep quiet. I would have waited to catch him meeting her by putting gps on his car, but that's me. Then again a bad confrontation may lead to a divorce. And everyone is in a different situation.
Has anyone else handled cheating in a similar way? I think most cheaters keep cheating, but she doesn't believe he will since she scared the pants off him. What do you guys think?
Why is divorce out of the
Why is divorce out of the question?
I wouldn't deal with it in such a manipulative, sneaky way, myself, but that's not my nature.
I don't think I could sit
I don't think I could sit quietly and stay in the relationship without confronting him. Yeah.. all fun and good to watch him squirm.. but for a variety of reasons.. this has to come out between them. into the open.
She can tell him that she has almost 100% strong proof that he had an affair.. but that she isn't interested in ending their relationship.. that she wants to have a one time discussion about this and then put it in their past.
She doesn't know for sure what/if really occurred. Maybe it was a flirtation and never anything further? Maybe it's not another woman.. but a child out of wedlock? who knows.. but I would have to know.. then I could make a decision on how to move forward.
Her keeping HER secret doesn't make them "even".. it makes them equally culpable in damaging the relationship.
As much as the husband is in
As much as the husband is in the wrong, so is she by going through his phone and playing childish games. I will guess that she doesn't confront him b/c she doesn't want to chance him leaving her and she is scared to death ..... This whole divorce is out of the question thing is probably HER thoughts, not HIS. Again, why she won't confront him.
So I think she fully believes that her hubby is shaking in his boots, but in reality it's her that is. It also seems like neither of them have an ounce of respect for each other. And just because she is monitering him doesn't mean he isn't still seeing someone.......nobody can be monitiered 100 percent. And quite honestly monitering this guy and trying to control him will probably up the chances of him leaving her.......
I caught my now ex husband cheating
He left us email up . I caught him on a Friday and was at the attorney’s on Monday . Part of the divorce decree could be he has to cover her insurance . Cheating is dangerous. You are risking someone’s health with VD and that is serious. There is no way I would stay with a cheater. I know I had to get aids and VD tested when I was 7 months pregnant and my Obgyn made it very clear to me how many of her patients were given nasty nasty diseases that antibiotics can’t fix from their cheating husbands including cervical cancer from genital warts . Not worth it
Exactly!
I wouldn't sleep with a cheater. She said she's been tested, but again if she sleeps with him it's like a loaded gun.
This
OP, please encourage your relative to visit her doctor and get tested for sexually transmitted diseases. She needs to protect her health.
You can't provide insurance
You can't provide insurance for someone who you aren't married to, the insurance companies are under no obligation to allow it.
For some reason, it sounds to
For some reason, it sounds to me like she wasn't that surprised or that she has suspected or caught him cheating before.
None of this is ok. Not the
None of this is ok. Not the affair, and not the game playing your relative is doing. Sounds like a sad marriage all the way around.
I am not a woman but... I
I am not a woman but... I would not tolerate a cheater. I would make the destruction of the cheater my hobby in life. I would break them financially, socially, professionally, etc....
If I had known that my XW was cheating when she left I would have not been as reasonable as I was during our divorce. I learned nearly 4 years post divorce that she had been cheeting on me for much of our 2.5 year marriage.
Why pollute the rest of your life with a cheater? I would purge the cheater from my life with the clear message that I would hound them to destruction for their betrayal End of relationship.
Interestingly my adulterous cavern crotched skank whore of an XW did not stop her adulterous crap once our divorce was final. She had all three of her children out of wedlock with cheat partners. The eldest two with the geriatric Fortune executive sugar daddy she was cheating with when she moved out and her third with the boyfriend she was cheating on the geriatric sugar daddy with once he married her. No one needs that kind of characterless human effluent in their lives.
If I were your relative, that POS would be gone and would suffer for the rest of his life. Particularly if I had kids with the POS. I would make living well my goal for me. Living well is the best revenge. But I would also make their suffering my fondest hobby.
But, maybe that is just me.
Just my thoughts of course.