Hi Mummies/Step-Mummies/Bonus-Mummies/Super-women/how ever you refer to yourselves,

I am new to the group and first time poster, this will be long and rambly and personal, so skip this if your not in the mood :).
Just posting my story and for some general support, feeling a bit down and lost in my journey today.

We have 50/50 a fortnight of my SD4 (to be 5 in less than 2 months!! They grow WAYYY too quickly), right now we are three days into SD4's week with BM and I feel very depressed. I know I get irrationally down on the off weeks and I recognise that, but I hate it and I miss my baby so so so much

Background: I have know SD since she was born as I have been her Daddy's friend for such a long time, she was 10 months old when I became Mummy (she was the result of a one-night stand after a rocky relationship ended some months before - BM sabotaged the condom ...) at this time BM was out of the picture and Daddy had full temp custody because BM had hospitalized SD three times in the first 6 months of her life with infant phnemonia. She then came back into the picture at 15 months because she got wind of me and was telling her friends she had to 'get rid of the homewrecker' -_-
Fast forward 2x court battles, three more hospitalizations and 2x parental kidnappings (one 3 months long and one 1 week long) as well as two faked pregnancies, one real pregnancy, 3 faked miscarriages and one abortion and my own real struggles with infertility and my own 2 miscarriages and there is a lot of bad blood between BM and us.
BM was always stealing and trashing everything we sent SD to her in for change-over so now she supplies the clothes and shoes for change-over. They are always dirty, torn, too small, innapropriate, and undies always ... not clean SD herself is always unwashed, greasy hair, smells of cigarette smoke, tired, lethargic, you could set a clock by the fact she will always come back with an infection/illness and lice.
Despite the fact that BM always bad - mouths me and her Daddy to SD, we always retain a civil tongue and we refuse to stoop to her level, if it comes down to telling her the truth and being mean or lying, we will juat redirect the conversation.
She is a brilliant little girl, with a hear of gold and she loves her Daddy and I with her whole heart, as we love her. We want the best for her and it hurts so much to watch her cry, and wail, and cling to the car with desperation on change-over begging us to not make her go, and yet on days when she comes home she runs to us in glee and doesnt look back once.
I guess I just needed to vent ... BM trash talks me all over town, we live in a small town and she is a party animal and a master manipulator so she knows so many and everyone she encounters thinks her p**p is made of gold and glitter and I and DH are the devil incarnate... I lost all of my non-parent friends when I became a Mother and I lost all of my parent friends because I became a step mother ... the evil of all evils ... I have started to rebuild friends but sometimes I just feel so ... alone and powerless and insignificant because that woman has SO MUCH POWER somehow ... but she is a total deadbeat -_-