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Just had a thought of a way out..opinions???

JoannaNY's picture

Submitted by JoannaNY on Tue, 10/08/2019 - 6:50am

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General Discussion

See my other post for more info on my situation.

After 7 years of mental abuse from Step brats and DH turning a blind eye I'm out. Even though I don't have children(thank god) with DH I have personal money,wanting to buy my own home and pets so I need to tread carefully. All I need is DH to be vengeful and try and take some claim on a new house I buy or try and keep one of my animals where they are not safe from abuse from step brats.

Here is my thought...DH has ZERO tolerance about me pointing out Step brats rude,disrespectful behavior. For whatever reason he does not want to hear it and it almost always causes a fight between us and he gets super pissed off. I'm thinking this maybe my ticket out. In the past when ever I brought up something negative about step brats it would cause a fight and I was always the one to back down NOT DH. I'm thinking what if I did not back down and stood my ground? What if when one of the brats told me to shut up and I flipped a nut on the kid? What if when one of the kids was bothering my pets and I stayed on DH ass to punish the brat and would not drop it? I'm honestly thinking if I refused to put up with te kids crap DH would be the one to want out. Now I would have to continue to put up with this crap intill I had a place. Once a place was in place I started to standup for my self and refused to back down DH would then be the one to want the divorce I'm thinking. His brats will allways come before me.I'm thinking if hes the one who wants out he may not come after my new house or be vengeful.

 

Thoughts???

nengooseus's picture

Submitted by nengooseus on Tue, 10/08/2019 - 8:12am

I'm not sure that I would dig in on a Skid related issue.  That will make him angry, especially if you punish one of his precious stepbrats.  I'm not sure that angry is where you want him.

I would also check in with a lawyer about buying a house at the end of a marriage.  As you point out, he could try to make a claim on the new house, and that would be awful.  A lawyer would be able to advise you on how to best protect yourself financially.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Tue, 10/08/2019 - 3:03pm

Based on what I read about NYS division of assets, she can buy a property with her own money and he won't get any part of it, if he hasn't paid for it or helped pay for it in any way.

I am not an attorney; however,  DH bought a house before he was divorced from BM (in NY) and it never came up at all in the division of assets. 

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Tue, 10/08/2019 - 8:13am

I don't think your husband will be less vengeful or less likely to go after your house because he's the one who wants out. In fact, he might be more vengeful because you dared to point out the flaws of the precious skids.  Why put yourself through that? You might be better off consulting a lawyer and coming up with a plan to best position yourself and your assets for when you file.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 10/08/2019 - 8:23am

Instead of playing games, which could turn dangerous, why don't you consult with a lawyer and see what your options are? There have been women on this site who have bought their own house before divorcing and it was not a problem.

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Tue, 10/08/2019 - 1:54pm

The terms backing down really raised a red flag for me. I Am concerned that he could turn physical if she actually stands up for herself. 

OP- Talk to a couple of lawyers before you do anything out of your norm please.

Siemprematahari's picture

Submitted by Siemprematahari on Wed, 10/09/2019 - 2:23pm

I'm thinking this maybe my ticket out. In the past when ever I brought up something negative about step brats it would cause a fight and I was always the one to back down NOT DH. I'm thinking what if I did not back down and stood my ground? What if when one of the brats told me to shut up and I flipped a nut on the kid? What if when one of the kids was bothering my pets and I stayed on DH ass to punish the brat and would not drop it?

Why do you need to do any of this? Just get your ducks in a row and leave your marriage. Disengage completely from your H and his kids, get your finances in check, make any purchases only after you are divorced and just go and live your best life. All the rest is not necessary just do yourself the favor and leave this awful marriage.

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Wed, 10/09/2019 - 12:48am

This I-m so happy

Why waste any time or energy on this that you could be using profitably, planning your exit?

bananaseedo's picture

Submitted by bananaseedo on Tue, 10/08/2019 - 10:33am

Typically I would say go for it....but I think in your case it's better to disengage.

However, If he's not abusive, I say for once speak your mind and don't back down and demand respect you deserve....then it's 'his' idea to divorce..I mean crap guys do this to women ALL the time don't they?  All the things you are referencing are general respect issues that he SHOULD have been backing you up on all this time, I see no issue w/you demanding it now before your exit-just if anything to make a damn point to the idiot.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Tue, 10/08/2019 - 11:02am

Your H sounds like a powderkeg ready to blog at any minute and I would be hesitant to provoke him. When his brats are over, disengage and be scarce. Avoid them AND him. 

Consult an attorney ASAP. Get custody of the furbabies (yes, you can do that). 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Wed, 10/09/2019 - 1:36am

OP, none of this theatre is necessary, and when you choose to escalate, it's hard to predict what the outcome will be.

Instead, be strategic, unemotional, and stealthy. Consult with a few divorce attorneys so you can make INFORMED decisions. Get your financial ducks in a row, secretly remove valuables and important documents from the home, reroute mail, and when the time is right, hand him divorce papers. The shock on his face should keep you warm at night for some time to come.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Tue, 10/08/2019 - 6:12pm

Now is not the time for playing chess, and stressing out about moves and counter moves. I have never been much of a gambler and every time I think I know what DH is going to do or say I am always surprised.

So, get the chess peices in line by talking to a lawyer or two, and go in stealth mode. Taking chances on what you THiNK he might do, is asking for things to go south. Get good advice and get yourself out of there. Dont wait on him to make the decisions.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 10/08/2019 - 4:50pm

Don't subject yourself to any more of his crap and the crap of his hell spawned crotch ejecta.  Who cares whether he files or you do?

I would file and not tolerate the crap of his toxic crotch nuggets.

 

flmomma08's picture

Submitted by flmomma08 on Wed, 10/09/2019 - 3:04pm

Just wanted to comment on the new house purchase. I'm not sure of any specific state laws, but I just filed for divorce last month and I was able to file "without property division" since we have no property, assets, or debts together - we always kept everything separate. I own a house on my own. The divorce will be finalized as soon as I complete the parenting education class that they require, and our finances will never even come into play. Now if he had contested the divorce and asked for property division, it could have been another story but he did not contest it. I don't even see how he would know you bought a house unless you were doing property division - of course, ask an attorney to be sure but that is just my recent experience.