Is it normal to expect DH to discuss BM's ridiculous demands with me - I only want to help him come to a better solution
My Gorgeous DH seems to try and 'hide' me from the turmoil and nastiness of his ex bitch BM
for eg.....She will demand crazy stuff or money etc...'for their kids' and he doesnt share with me what she is squawking about....I think two heads can deal with her nastiness better than one...
I sometimes never find out and sometimes, I think he goes along with her requests of money or what ever....or maybe not??? I dont know...
I do know that some things have been done behind my back for them horrible skids..which wouldnt have been something that I would have supported if I had of been asked...and I just feel that as a man and wife....we should be openly discussing these skids & BM demands issues.....
I feel that my DH is playing secrets with the enemy and that makes me feel uncomfortable
and it drives me stupid the not knowing....Is this normal (makes me wanna snoop and look at his phone txts etc)
Has anyone else been through similiar and how do you approach the subject with your DH - wot in the end works.?
I might add, that the moment I get ANY correspondence off my ex Im immediatly discussing it with my best friend, lover and husband DH.....I really feel DH is not doing the same with me..... 
Very interested to see the
Very interested to see the feedback on this one since I feel the same way.
I always tell DH about any conversation I have with my XH. Its always about our kids, however w/DH and BM that isnt always the case. I have occasionally snooped through his phone and when BM gets texts about plans changing that DH doesnt tell me about it just pisses me off even more. I'm like why is she good enough to know about this and that and I'm not? And you are MARRIED to me! DH says if its something he can just resolve he will and he isnt trying to intentionally leave me out, he just thinks its easier to not share it w/me bc he knows how much I hate her. I still feel uncomfortable that things are being kept from me....
He' knows its wrong and that
He' knows its wrong and that her demands are stupid. That's why he hides it. He wants to keep doing them without someone pointing out that he shouldn't be.
SO would have stupid chats with BM and listen to her garbage about her life all the time. He would take her phone calls about her nonsense.
All for the reasons of
-she controls when I see my kids
-it keeps peace
-other false nonsense
One day I said "if you are still doing this when the skids are older, I'm just going to start calling you "p*ssy"
His ego is is weakness and I got him. After that, these little conversations trailed off and he stopped communicating with BM unless it was truly a skid issue.
I had this problem with my
I had this problem with my DH. He would not tell me stuff that was going on - in order to "protect" me. I had it out with him and I think he now tells me everything. I told him it made me even more stressed if I suspected there was stuff going on he was not telling me about - and I would rather know the worst and be stressed with him, than be stressed about him. I think he understood this eventually.
Yeah Stepmomma and Kes... The
Yeah Stepmomma and Kes...
The moment we got engadged - 3 years ago - the ex bitch BM wrote to me making sure I knew that she and my future husband discuss their children many times throughout the day each and every day.....(yeah the skank found my profile and inboxed me on facebook....fn slag)
DH then told me that this was not right??? 'yeah wot eva'....then he refused to take any of her calls....telling her he will only ansa her txts and emails....(is suggested that all calls be put on speaker phone and we can all discuss together....in the attempt to shut her up)
Then we had the big blow up with custody whereby skids and bm took us to court so Kes, thats where I stressed to DH....he must show me all her texts and emails as I felt things had gone way too far and he wasnt handling her the right way....and yes for a time alll her txts were being sent to me along with all her emails...and yes their wasnt much...
but 4 mths later....NOTHING....
Hmmmmm.....so wots going on??? Wot do I say...How do I stop myself from feeling like Im being cheated upon...or that my husband is sharing secrets with his ex bitch....
but its good to know im not the only one going thru this.....thanks guys....
Your DH needs to discuss all
Your DH needs to discuss all of her demands with you. I've already let my DH know that he is now married to me. He doesn't get to make decisions with any other women, including BM, without discussing it with me. I think that is one of the worst tricks that BM's try to pull - they alienate you and then act like whatever decisions are made for the skids have nothing to do with you. BS - any decision made is almost sure to take time, money, and effort from you or your DH away from your household and over to BM's. Set a VERY clear expectation that DH is to discuss decisions with you, let BM know that he doens't make decisions without you, and that final decisions to her are from you both.
yeah thats the stand I
yeah thats the stand I totally agree is the best to take....but unlike you....I ask whats the matter when he gets all withdrawn and he doesnt want to talk about it....
and then there is the bit about....BM bitch may be saying you owe me money, or you need to pay for their sports stuff....I just think this needs to be shared with me....only bc I can then come on this site and get some unbiased opinions for him to contemplate and not just him getting the guilts and not talking to me about it and just doing it???
oh and by the way....SIL told me last week that the BM got remarried a few weeks ago....not a word came from DH....
I dont fn care who the bitch marries....but....I think it odd that a husband has trouble discussing his ex - its like he is hiding his problems from me...
yeah your right.... I just
yeah your right....
I just worry that the three of them (ex bm and horror skids) are planning something that my DH has to be a part of and Im not being informed of it....
then.....gorgeous DH springs it on me that he has to do what ever as he is walking out the door ...... It has happened before and I got really pissed off....
and....I, as a women, is aware of her premeditated viscious plans to upset us....sort of dont think DH sees it until its too late...
I'd caution with a "be
I'd caution with a "be careful what you wish for"...
My SO felt he needed to discuss everything regarding BM and skids with me. Now granted, he and BM do not have a volatile or weird relationship. They are friendly but business-like, I guess, and sometimes they ask more of each other than the strict agreement, but it goes both ways.
After awhile I had to tell him: unless it directly affects me (like agreeing to switch days or spending money, etc), I don't want to hear about the minutia, or all of the decisions you make about your kids. They are YOUR kids. I didn't quite say as much, but I really don't care. I don't need to hear about how dumb she is, either, which he was fond of telling me about. Maybe so I wouldn't feel jealous? Not sure. But I don't need to be reminded of what a bad decision he made in being with her. Not sure why he thinks that will help me in some way.
Now if talking to her *affects* him negatively, as in despondency, sadness, frustration, anger... then I am fine to be a sounding board and it is important that he talk to me about it, just like when I have a bad day at work and want to vent or have a shoulder to cry on. But when he does that, I just listen and sympathize - I don't try to fix it or offer advice really.
The biggest challenge in all of this of course is him understanding the difference in all of the above circumstances. Sometimes I am surprised about something he should have told me about. Sometimes I hear more than I need. But I am glad I don't hear *everything*. One thing that helped is a shared google calendar. He puts everything regarding the kids in there. Most things of importance have a date around them. It's my responsibility to check it to know what's going on. If I don't care, I don't look. It works well!