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Still can't believe how hard being a stepparent is

ChildlessLesbianStepmom's picture

Submitted by ChildlessLesbia... on Mon, 10/28/2013 - 5:07pm

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We have only been married since June 29. Just got an email from my wife from her ex-wife. I wish I didn't react the way I do. It is so disruptive. I want to cry, yell and run all at the same time. I've ran for two years and I'm seriously contemplating running again just so I can have some sort of peace of mind. I am so frustrated. Too much to write now. I feel so powerless. This is my first post. I'm finally fed up enough to post. My wife/We (I'm still unclear how to say this because they don't feel like mine) have two kids almost 8.5 girl and 5.5 boy. Please help! How do you deal with such an uncooperative, controlling and mentally ill bio mom?

derb84123's picture

Submitted by derb84123 on Mon, 10/28/2013 - 5:17pm

You ask your wife to keep the emails to herself. If it doesn't involve your schedule then you don't need to concern yourself. Keep away from the drama. Then, when you are ready- if ever- get back involved. You can be a capable step parent and have ZERO to do with biomom

Mercury's picture

Submitted by Mercury on Tue, 10/29/2013 - 10:14am

You say it doesn't feel like the kids are yours. Is this ok with you or do you want a more active role in their lives? Do your wife and the ex split custody?

My SO kept his kids away from me while we were dating and then when they started staying at my house, I had minimal involvement. He was delusional and believed we would eventually become some happy family. He still does. I told him I'm happier when I'm disengaged and he insists that life will become easier if I find a way to make myself see them as family. Wrong. Especially since they are only here EOWE.

Sorry to get lost in my own rant, but the point is, each situation is different. How much involvement do you really want?

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 10/29/2013 - 11:08am

Welcome. I hope you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute and pick up some useful advice from others who are living the blended family dream.

Regarless of the extended dynamics of your situation I believe that a fact based perspective between spouses and with kids/Skids is the way to go.

If your DW needs help then facilitate that as supportively as possible.

When dealing with your Xs and her Xs the way to go is to be supportive of each other. The marriage/adjult relationship has to be the core of the family and the priority for both of you.

Facts can not be contested and they also provide a way for the SKids to have knowledge to counter any manipulation from the opposition side of the blended family. Keep the kids informed of the facts in an age appropriate manner from the begining and they will have the best shot at forming their own informed decisions as they grow up in the blended family environment.

That will be what is best for you, your wife and the kids/Skids.

All IMHO of course.

More detail on your situation will allow for more specific feedback.

Hang in there and good luck.