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Is it forgivable to be raged at and broken up with?

galyways's picture

I was raged at, called names and broken up with because I refused to pay for my boyfriends kids meals and because I disengaged after his daughter was rude to me and made rude snide remarks towards me. Is this forgivable and what kind of man does this? He accused me of being a narccisist for standing up for myself basically and used old family traumas against me while raging at me(he told me I was just like my father who was emotionally and mentally abusive towards me most of my life). This really hurt but I got to thinking maybe I am a narcissist because I stood up for myself and I do not think I should be subjected to his child's rude behavior and I do not think I should be paying for his kids meals. Anyways I noticed he is struggling with money and he tried to hit me up for money after we broke up saying I owed him money (I do not) for staying at a family condo while on a trip we went on together where we were not getting along (His parents paid for the condo not him). I do not think I should pay him for this either. Am I a narcissist? Please be honest with me.

Lollybobs's picture

There's a big difference between being a narcissist and standing up for yourself. Sounds like a man to stay well away from.

markwvualum's picture

Your ex DH is not only emotionally abusive but also gaslights you in order to get his way. Do yourself a favor and stay the heck away from this loser. You are not a narcissist but he probably is. Do not pay him a dime. You owe him nothing. BTW it is his responsibility to pay for his kids meals not yours. If he is broke he needs to downsize, get another job or both, not put it on you. 

Evil3's picture

You are not a narcissist. Your ex is. To throw your past up in your face is something a narc does. It's abuse. It's also gaslighting. It's not forgiveable. I really hope you're not considering going back to that piece of shit. You deserve way better. You attracted that asshole, because your father was an asshole so it's what you know. Please go for some counselling so that you can reprogram yourself to attract and accept a new normal. I speak from experience.

You owe no money at all to that PoS. If anyone owes anyone money, he is the one who owes you. However, don't bother trying to fight him for money. It's not worth it. I walked away from my narc ex many years ago and left everything behind, because I needed to get away. I never looked back.

You do not need to second-guess yourself. If you need to come here for support, feel free to do so, but stay strong and remind yourself that you got f*cked for loving someone. It sucks and isn't fair, but it happened. Now, go do something to pamper yourself, because you deserve it. Spend your money on yourself. Do some cathartic things. Go get lost in bookshops all day, buy a book you don't need and go read in some funky cafe. go on a trip or go try a tendy new restaurant. Go to pet rescues and pretend you're looking to adopt and go pat and kiss some furry beings. What would you like to do to have fun? Go do that and put that sh*thead out of your mind. It's YOUR money that YOU earned, so YOU should enjoy it.

If you don't want to go to counselling, try getting Louise Hay books out of the library. They are cathartic and will initiate the process of you finding your worth.

Oh, and don't fall for any hoovering if your ex tries that bullsh*t. Stay strong.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

1,000 percent.

Erase this anger-filled loser from your life.

SteppedOut's picture

AGREE! 

Block his number and from all social media. 

ESMOD's picture

haha.. you are dang lucky to be rid of this score-keeper.

I mean... I could understand if his parents had some upfront expectation that you would pitch in more to offset the value of the lodging.. but for him to come back like this.. he is petty.

I would not respond to him period and be happy that he and his mess of a family are no longer your problem.

Siemprematahari's picture

I was raged at, called names and broken up with because I refused to pay for my boyfriends kids meals and because I disengaged after his daughter was rude to me and made rude snide remarks towards me.

Block him so he can stop contacting you and never look back. You stood up for yourself and rightfully so and he wants to be upset because you won't allow him to take advantage of you....If he's broke he needs to get another job. His kids are not your responsibility.

He's pathetic, hitting you up for money AFTER breaking up and trying to guilt trip you about staying at a family condo??? He needs to take that BS some place else and try that nonsense on someone that cares.

Crazy....he's upset with you because you don't pay meals for his kids.....he needs to get a life!

Aniki's picture

I was raged at, called names and broken up with because I refused to pay for my boyfriends kids meals

he is struggling with money and he tried to hit me up for money after we broke up saying I owed him money

OMG, you are NOT a narc. Your EXbf, however, is a moneygrubbing asshat. 

Sweetie, you do not owe this man one bloody thing. BLOCK HIM. If he continues to harass you (yes, he IS harassing you), get a restraining order. 

Rags's picture

Please knock the self depricating crap off, have some confidence and move on with your life.  

You are not the narcissist in this picture.  Your father's issues are not your issues.  This POS is gaslighting you, attempting to bully you into continuing to support he and his crotch droppings, and knows he is in your head.

Don't let him have space in your head, your life or your checkbook.

Enjoy your new life.  The only place this guy and his children have in your life is over.  The only forgiveness you owe is to yourself and that includes forgiving this POS non man of any place in your life and future. Leave them to wallow in the stench of their shallow and polluted gene pool as you move on to the fresh clean sweet cool waters of your future.

Take care of you.

susanm's picture

No.  Next question?

Ispofacto's picture

You deserve better.  Please see a therapist to understand why you settle for abusive crap men.

 

ndc's picture

You're not a narcissist, but you've acted like a doormat in the past.  You do not owe your ex-asshole any money - DO NOT under any circumstances give him any.  Be happy that you're rid of this abusive, user jerk, and move on.  Be sure to block him on your phone, social media, etc. so you don't have to deal with him again.

ESMOD's picture

wasn't this the vacation where they made her pay all the extra ubering?

I might make a call to the condo.. find out what the going rate was for that place during the time you guys were there.

then I would have figured out how much your "share" would have been.

 

Then do up a little invoice.. where you subtract out any value that you paid on other people's behalf.. uber.. meals.  of course add in where they may have picked up your meal (I doubt it..lol).

Then send her a check.. to the MIL.. with a note and the accounting and say that "under the circumstances.. you can't see the fairness in her picking up the tab for your lodging so you are reimbursing her for your share.. with adjustments.

Then flounce on outa there sister!

caitlinj's picture

Why do these people get into relationships when they have no business being in one? Why don't they raise and financially support their own damn kids? It is no one elses job to do so other than his and baby mama's. If someone cannot afford their kids expenses, meals, etc. then they need to get their life together before they get into a relationship. Quit involving other people. It is no one's responsibility to pay for those kids expenses, meals etc. besides the two bio parents. If he cannot afford his kids vacations, meals, etc. he has no business taking them on vacation. If he cannot afford his kids expenses and his bills he has no business being in a relationship and needs to get his life together first. Either he needs to budget or find another job.

Curious Georgetta's picture

forgive  it. The question is why are you still giving this man and his actions space in your head?

You do not need to analyze his behavior. You may however need to get help in understanding why you are still dwelling on his behavior. 

He treated you badly and now fortunately for you, you are no longer in that relationship.

Thank the gods of mercy that got you out of  that situation rather than wasting your time trying to analyze your abuser.

Your leopard  is not changing his spots: he is just hoping that you have become color blind.

A bad actor remains a bad actor; he just looks for new parts to showcase his bad acting.

 

 

futurobrillante99's picture

You're describing behavior in your partner that suggests he might be the narcissist. If that's the case, you're probably trauma bonded with him (addicted) and will need to work really hard to break free from him.

Please google HG Tudor and get the book Psychopath Free. I think you'll find a lot of validation if you look up information on narcissistic abuse and their behaviors. Don't be dissuaded when you read about classic narcissists (the conceited and outgoing version), there are flavors of narcissist. My XH2 is a covert narcissist which means his approach is to be the "good guy" and self deprecating to win attention, praise and sympathy.

What they have in common is a cycle of rewards and punishment meant to get you hooked to their drama and abuse.

Your only chance of waking up and breaking free is getting more information on the subject.

MissJulsie's picture

Ignore your ex. Everyone throws around the word narcissist these days. It's a new pop psychology buzz word.