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Im wrecked dont know what else to do

chess_diva's picture

My story is kinda long so please hear me out as i'm close to exploding in tears. I met my boyfriend in high school and we have been together for some time, say 13 years now, but I have been through HELL and back. To start Ive been cheated on, dumped, brought back together to repeat it at least three more times. At this time I was a teenager had know friends and was desperate for someone to be around and hang out. So this is where the crap started I got pregnant with his daughter found out that he had another one pregnant at the same time and get this, she was only one week behind me in her pregnancy. I decided to forgive him again be cause I wanted my daugther to have a father plus, we didnt know if it was his son or not. In the process I get kicked out of my house and ended up homeless, and wound up running in to this girl who is pregnant by him. The whole time we where together in this homeless shelter she was threatening to fight me, kept harming herself to get rid of the baby and doing drugs. I kept myself distant from her. Then when I finally got a home, me and boyfriend started living with each other again I had my daughter and things where going well, until he came to me and told me he got another girl pregnant, again I forgave him. On top of that we find out the mother of his son got rid of custody of him due to child endangerment so he asked if we can get custody of his son, also to mention at this time his son was 2 years old. I said fine I was going to help, I thought as his women it was my duty to help him get custody. When we got custody all the trouble began, slowly we both started to change. The 2 year old boy was very awkward, but I figure it was because he wasent used to us yet. But then he didnt care to learn, listen or do anything that I was used to seeing a 2 year old do. But then again I let it pass. But we began to change, our patient, tolerance and a whole view of things was just began to separate us. As the years went on stress has built, he is now six years old and I am just about done with him, I have had enough. He steals my stuff, lies and has no remorse about it, tears up my house urinates and bowel movements when he gets mad all in his room, throws up food when he doesnt want it, trys to get his sister in trouble. He is also very withdrawal, he will ignore us for hours on end wont say hi wont talk to us wont eat, he wont even say I love you and wont say sorry for nothing. Ive dealt with to much and I am tired. I have tried everything with this kid, from loving him, hugs, kisses taking him out, time outs instead of spankings. Iv'e researched every problem I have with him to find positive feedback on how to help him and nothing is working. Im tired, Im stressed and have even come to the point of suicidal thoughts. PLEASE tell me what should I do, I just had another baby and I cant take this no more. Thanks for listening.

Monchichi's picture

Hi, have you tried getting this little boy checked out by a Dr or therapist? He may have a developmental problem. Have you and your partner been to parenting classes? You sound very young.

The cheating I can't advise on as it's completely unacceptable and you should have left.

chess_diva's picture

Yes, we are in the process of getting him check out, he has an appointment very soon. The parenting classes are a good idea, I can see where they offer them. I also agree with yo I should of left a long time ago, but I was young and dumb.

Stormyweather's picture

Sounds like he may have been affected in-utero and may have neurological disorder due to the drugs his mother took while pregnant with him. He may ecen be still detoxing from the drugs being in his system.

Poor kid and hugs to you all. Has he been medically assessed?

Disneyfan's picture

You're feed up with a 6 year old who is suffering from the poor choices mom made while pregnant. However, you stay with (and have another child) with a man who has a history of treating you like garbage.

chess_diva's picture

I am fed up with him also, he does nothing to help. I just needed some advice, but your right I didnt see it that way.

unluckytwin's picture

You use the word "again" over and over. This man (and probably this kid) treats you like this because you have allowed him to. Decide that you're worth more than all this, take your kids, and get out. He can pay child support, y'all can set up visitation--your kids can have their dad in their lives without you living in absolute hell. They love you; they want what's best for you; and you need to model for them how to value yourself. It'll be hard as hell, but in a year's time, you'll be so much better off.

unluckytwin's picture

You use the word "again" over and over. This man (and probably this kid) treats you like this because you have allowed him to. Decide that you're worth more than all this, take your kids, and get out. He can pay child support, y'all can set up visitation--your kids can have their dad in their lives without you living in absolute hell. They love you; they want what's best for you; and you need to model for them how to value yourself. It'll be hard as hell, but in a year's time, you'll be so much better off.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

First, before anything else, what is your health insurance like? That will determine what specialists you can go to. On your list should be a psychiatrist specializing in child development, the pediatrician who sees the boy, and a family counselor/therapist. The father should be going to a therapist himself to figure out why he does what he does, and, like someone else has said, get him to get a damn vasectomy, because if he can't be responsible with his sperm, he loses the right to use it. Also, please get yourself tested for STDs. I know it's a scary thought but being with someone who continuously cheats opens your up to the possibility of contracting HIV--or worse. There are new forms of antibiotic resistant STDs (like syphilus) and I can tell you it's a painful way to die.

Second, if you're having suicidal thoughts, back and up care for yourself a little bit more, you are likely suffering from postpartum depression, made worse by the difficult situation you're living in. Make an appointment with your OBGYN and let them know about this, your hormones are still out of whack and they may be able to give you something to help it return to normal faster. If you need someone to talk to immediately, instead of resorting to any drastic measures your brain is coming up with, please call 1 (800) 273-8255. It's the National Suicide Hotline Prevention (but don't let that name fool you, they can point you in the right direction for resources you may never know were available for your situation.)

Third, as everyone has told you already, the boy has problems stemming from his mother mother's drug use, her not taking care of herself during pregnancy, and at 2 years old, if he grew up with his mother not wanting him during those precious formative years, he's going to have a host of other problems from that more along with the neuro problems. The psychiatrist/pediatrician can direct you to better resources and help you with managing those issues. Find one who specializes in behavioral modification--they'll give you tips on how to keep a more scheduled and regimented lifestyle (many children with developmental issues feel more secure and therefore behave better with a more scheduled approach, daily/weekly/monthly charts accessible to the child will help him know what to expect at certain times of the day so he's not continuously being bombarded with what he thinks is an unpredictable future.)

Finally, I can't tell you what to do about your partner, as he himself seem to have problems with self control, morality, and values. I'd tell you to leave, but I know it's not that easy. However, I don't know what else to say because I would leave simply because he's putting you and everyone else at risk over and over and over again. He seems to never have had any true consequences for his actions and so he doesn't care what happens to the people around him. I know I would not want to subject my children to him for any longer than necessary. I hope you find the strength to leave because you only get this ONE life, don't waste it being miserable for someone else.

chess_diva's picture

Thank you all for your advice, and you all make very valuable points that I never thought of until you all have spoken on it. Its not my stepsons fault, he doesnt understand, and I am going to try my best to keep helping him because I do love him. Its still going to take more time, but in time we will have a stronger bond. As far as with the man, I think my best option is to leave but thats not easy because I would be homeless again. He wont leave, he's already told me. But thanks alot you guys! Also I am currently working on a associates degree in nursing, so that will be my backbone when I bounce.