I wish DH and I could have had a child together. But like you, we could never afford it (we have 5) and we are both "fixed". It just isn't in the cards.

My reasons are a little different. I just want to have a child that we could love together...to have a baby that was a part of the two of us - no outside influences. I think it would have been great.

I show him all the time what a great mom I am to my own children and to his. I'm sure you do too...

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

Never let finances stand in the way of having a child. With our first BD, we thought things were secure. Both had a good job. I got pregnant in November. Then I lost my job in March. Our daughter was born in August and DH lost his job in October. So, two people out of work with a 2-month-old baby. We still had to pay $175 a month to cover SD's medical insurance (because BM was and is a b*&^%). So our baby who needed it had no medical coverage. But we got through it. DH got another job in December and I got a job in February. We came through it.

Then, 18 months later DH lost that job. We went ahead and decided to have our second BD, thinking he could get another job. My husband was out of work for 18 months. He's been back on the job for almost two years, and our second BD is 2 years and 5 months old. So he was out work work when we were pregnant and when she was born. Again, we came through it.

There will never be a good time, but we've never regretted either of our kids.

I wanted a baby not only because I love DH etc. etc...but to show him that I can be a good mother, and wife to my child. My situation is different from yours in that I did not have any prior children. So, I hadn't been a mother. Its hard raising step children, and we always had the energy sent out of us because of SD8 and her motions. But now we do have a little one and she is the light of our world, and we know we can start fresh and hopefully stay married to have her be the happiest little girl ever. Its hard raising kids with prior issues.

My hubby and I planned on getting pregnant right after our wedding, which we did, and now have a wonderful 5 month old baby boy. I was dying to have a child with the man I love & 2 months after our son was born we found out "SS" is not his biological son, so he ended up getting his first biological child. He is thrilled & dotes on our baby every night when he gets home from work. He's a great father & I'm so fortunate to have him and our baby. But as far as finances...never seems like a great time. I got laid off 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant. So income was cut by 1/3. But we made cut backs & we're doing ok. No amount of money in the world would make me regret having a baby! As long as you have enough for the basics...to feed, clothe & provide a home for your baby, then I say go for it!

Right now, be the best mom you can be to both your kids and HIS kids. They don't have to be BOTH YOUR kids for him to realize and know what a truly wonderful mother looks like.

My DH and I are older (48 and 41) and so are our 5 kids. My two boys are 18 and 15. His three girls are 18, 16 and 13. And while it is certainly physically and easily finacially possible for us to have a child together, we just decided not to start over.

Although my DH has his problems parenting his girls, he is an absolutely WONDERFUL father to my boys, especially to my disabled son. And he watches me do the same with both my boys and his girls.

And for us, that gives us great joy.

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

If we ever have a baby together, we will never have an empty nest. Some days BF wants one and other days he doesn't. My first born son will be 17 this weekend so I am feeling my age - 37 until the following week then I will be 38. UGH! We have the crazy ages, almost 13 BD going through puberty, almost 8 BD going through the I want want I want stage and the baby almost 1 and he is still adapting to life and learning about himself.

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

Babies are lovely, tho, aren't they. I admit to missing those days-but not enough to be insane and actually have one (doubt I could get preggers now anyway).

smurfy, you are just a kid! My younger sis has two sons from her first marriage-the oldest is 30. She also has a daughter and son from her current marriage-the son is the youngest & is 13! So she figured it out-by the time her youngest graduates from high school, she will have spent 35 years of her life raising kids.

Endora-I am picturing Zippy with his blanky right now. HeHeHe

im 28 and my DH is 42...he never chose to have a child and make a family w either BM and didnt marry out of love. now that we are together, he says he cant wait to have the family he always dreamed of...hes such a dream...so as much as i cant wait to give him a baby made from our love and show him what the experience should feel like and be like, he cant wait either!

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

omg.. you are way young. I am 35 and pregnant w/my first. I am so excited and can not wait.

but we'll make it work. im not giving up OUR dream bc of his financial obligation to a child he didnt choose to have. it sucks, and when i think about all that money that our baby will never have, that goes to BM while she works PT at minimum wage, it makes me sick. but we both really want a family of our own!

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

I couldn't take the pill so we knew it might happen. But it didn't a few times we were careless (or too CARING perhaps )

I am so very grateful for BD 2. If it weren't for her I couldn't stand the rest of this SD stuff. And my sons are so beautiful with her and devoted to her. I never would have imagined how crazy they are for her.

Unfortunately as Endora said, I think BD 2 coming into this world contributed heavily to SD's emotional and mental decline. That sucks. Plus BMs Aunt the nun brings up BD and BSs as the root of all SDs problems as well. I'm sure others do too.

I think if you want to have a baby and are physically able to, then you can usually figure out a way. It's hard if one of you don't and one of you do though.

Goodluck!

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

my husband does not want another child. He already has his two son's from ex, now 6 and 8 and says that he just could not handle another child. Quite frankly, I cannot have them, the doctor told me a 1 to 1 billion chance that it would ever happen, so that's pretty conclusive. I had wanted at one point to try invitro but due to husband that's just not going to happen either. Would love to adopt one, etcetc...

oh, talking about it just makes me kind of tired and depressed...this house is so saturated with testosterone it's hard to bear some days. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE a baby girl!! Always wanted to adopt a baby girl even far before I knew I couldn't have kids.

Sigh.

I visited a friend of mine who just had a little girl, 5 weeks old. FH and I plan on having children but he wants to wait a while. I can kind of understand and agree most of the time until I start craving being a mother with an actual opinion that counts. Being stepmom is okay, but I get so upset especially when I see how BM influences the kids so much in a negative way. I think my SS9 has very little self esteem, lacks good social skills and is so afraid of things b/c BM makes him nervous and anxious/fearful about everything. And honestly, there is not a whole lot I can do to undo some of the damage. All we can do is be supportive of the kids when they are with us.
I want my own kids to grow up being outgoing, confident and eventually independent adults.
I guess waiting is not so bad but I am going to be 30 next year and a couple years could be closer to mid thirties by the time I have my first child and that's if there are no complications with conceiving. Sometimes I think it is unfair that I have to wait when BM and FH were so young when they had their kids. THEY should've waited. FH was 22 when he had his first child. He never had wild times in his twenties. He was married to a controlling "old lady" (she wouldn't know fun if it fell out of the sky and fell on her face) and was changing diapers that young. There is no way I was ready to be a mom in my early twenties. I think I am ready now but also want FH to be ready too. I don't want to push him into having kids when he is not ready. Maybe that's what happened in his first marriage, I don't want that to be the case in this one.