What a craptastic weekend. Saturday I hung out with a friend for most of the early part of the day. Later that afternoon, she and her husband were coming over for a small BBQ. So there was a lot of background noise to drown out and distract from skidly. Sunday was a beach day - let the fun begin...Before we left SO told him to leave the phone home... he was tired of seeing him with his face in the phone constantly. They were going to do some fishing, while I was going to get some rays. Skidly clearly didn't want to be at the beach. Fishing went on for about 10 minutes - seriously. Took longer to get the bait and set up. Then he plops his butt in a chair and doesn't move with a puss on his face, giving SO 1 word answers, mostly "No.". He tells the kid to put on sun screen because the last thing we want is to send him home with a burn... he refuses. SO insists, he refuses... then SO starts putting the stuff on him... he keeps insisting he doesn't need it. He ends up putting it all over him.. This kid is FOURTEEN! So we survive the sunscreen dilemma. I'm just laying in the sun with a chorus of "La, la, la, la, I can't hear you, la, la " going through my head. Of course, skidly has his nose in the phone. Then he's hungry - they go back to the house for a sandwich (I live right at a private beach)... they come back. Same puss, same attitude. After about 3 hours of this fun, they decide to go for a walk, I decide to leave the beach.
This is the first time I've done anything with this skid since.. like forever ago. I am completely disengaged, because each and every time I try to do anything that involves this kid, it always ends the same way. Always. So, shame on me I guess. About an hour or so later, SO says:
SO: why don't we all go for a bike ride?
ME: no thanks, you go
SO: why, it was actually skidly's idea, because we have 3 bikes here
ME: that's okay - you guys go
SO: why?
ME: because I have no desire to spend any more time with your child... he sucks the joy out of everything
SO: silence
----
SO: he was just bored, that's all
ME: you constantly make excuses and have reasons for every ounce of his bad behavior... just think about that for a while
I also told him, just to be crystal clear, that there is no conceivable way I will ever live with that kid. So if down the road, he has some falling out with his MOTY, and wants to run away and stay here - it won't happen... Think about that and make sure you know what you want in life... silence.
... and I added: It's unpleasant watching you bow down and dote on this kid 24/7... doesn't come off as respectable.
I had gotten my head wrapped around him not wanting to come here... god help me if he actually comes back in 2 weeks. I just don't think I have it in me.
You know, we were recently engaged... we went away for a small vaca... we have been blissful. 3 months with no skid. It was heaven... This weekend was just crap. I am really very open and clear with SO about my thoughts, feelings, predictions about the situation with his ex life (as I call it/them). He insists he understands and that I'm the most important thing to him (and he behaves as such, truly). But I have a lot of reservations about this stuff, and since no one can be sure what the future brings, it leaves me feeling anxious. I read the posts on this site (well, the normal ones.... ) and think, I'm sure none of these women thought their lives would turn into total shit either... tread carefully.
Friday night, he was going on about how he doesn't provide for his kid. I said, really? You send the Bowel Movement most of your income - you provide just fine. I said what do you think you need to provide in addition? A car? He hesitated.
I asked SO if he had looked at skidly's FB lately. "No". I said, well why don't you look. Then why don't you ask him what he did on father's day... and let him lie to you. He spent the day with his SF and ranted and raved about it on FB. Did he post something on your FB on father's day? (No). Did he even call you? (No.) So if he came to you now and asked you for money for a car, would you feel inclined to hand him more money? (Silence).
You have 2 choices, SO. Continue to make believe and pretend that things are honky dory, or peel that onion back and let it rip. And if you decide to do that, then say what you feel! and when he turns on the tears and says something that you are so desperate to hear, don't just leave it at that and coddle him and wipe those tears... let it be awkward, keep peeling back the onion - get to the ROOT of it. Or, do nothing, like you do now and pretend there are fairies and unicorns flying about.
I cannot handle stuffing shit that I want to say. I can't understand people who live that way.
You realise this is most of these men's standing operating procedure?
" Or, do nothing, like you do now and pretend there are fairies and unicorns flying about. "
Mine lives in unicorn glitter fart land where his son isn't disconnection from him when at the age of 5 he started to call his dad by his given name. Where he calls his SF daddy. Not SF, dad, mothers husband. Daddy in an excited happy voice. Where at the age of stb7 he insists that his SF is his favorite dad. Yay us with these gummy bear dads.
Days Sal, literally it took me and the girls up to 7 days to recover from a very bad visit. Last time kid came to the house was 6 hours and PPP took a week to recover. I was less as I knew it was the end. PPP paid a high price.
It's the awkwardness that remains between me and SO. I want to talk about it, he clearly doesn't... I usually end up talking about it... because, well, I just have to. Things between us are just strange afterwards... that big ole elephant thing
He doesn't talk about the skids... never actually. It's me - after a horrid visit, I feel the need to hash it out. He wants to avoid that like the plague. It's hard to just let it go I guess... I have so much built up after typically not saying anything for 2.5 days... it's like I'm going to verbally burst!
I'll say that I'll try, but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be successful... but we'll see. I really am not at all good at that. But, you're probably right.
*sigh* this is us. And I am forever asking "what's the plan" and he's forever looking at me like I should know the plan. It's wait and do nothing. Or wait for a psychiatrist who is less informed/ knowledgeable about the setup to tell you what to do. You forgot you are a grown up and need to make decisions.
Have you considered Xanax?
Have you considered Xanax? Outings? Drinking? Sleeping? I can't propose any of my more outrageous idea's, I would get the heave ho.
Yep - I did that Friday night
Yep - I did that Friday night when he got here... thought of you the entire time
Yes... considered and on
Yes... considered and on occasion, done that. Not this weekend though...
What a craptastic weekend.
What a craptastic weekend. Saturday I hung out with a friend for most of the early part of the day. Later that afternoon, she and her husband were coming over for a small BBQ. So there was a lot of background noise to drown out and distract from skidly. Sunday was a beach day - let the fun begin...Before we left SO told him to leave the phone home... he was tired of seeing him with his face in the phone constantly. They were going to do some fishing, while I was going to get some rays. Skidly clearly didn't want to be at the beach. Fishing went on for about 10 minutes - seriously. Took longer to get the bait and set up. Then he plops his butt in a chair and doesn't move with a puss on his face, giving SO 1 word answers, mostly "No.". He tells the kid to put on sun screen because the last thing we want is to send him home with a burn... he refuses. SO insists, he refuses... then SO starts putting the stuff on him... he keeps insisting he doesn't need it. He ends up putting it all over him.. This kid is FOURTEEN! So we survive the sunscreen dilemma. I'm just laying in the sun with a chorus of "La, la, la, la, I can't hear you, la, la " going through my head. Of course, skidly has his nose in the phone. Then he's hungry - they go back to the house for a sandwich (I live right at a private beach)... they come back. Same puss, same attitude. After about 3 hours of this fun, they decide to go for a walk, I decide to leave the beach.
This is the first time I've done anything with this skid since.. like forever ago. I am completely disengaged, because each and every time I try to do anything that involves this kid, it always ends the same way. Always. So, shame on me I guess. About an hour or so later, SO says:
SO: why don't we all go for a bike ride?
ME: no thanks, you go
SO: why, it was actually skidly's idea, because we have 3 bikes here
ME: that's okay - you guys go
SO: why?
ME: because I have no desire to spend any more time with your child... he sucks the joy out of everything
SO: silence
----
SO: he was just bored, that's all
ME: you constantly make excuses and have reasons for every ounce of his bad behavior... just think about that for a while
I also told him, just to be crystal clear, that there is no conceivable way I will ever live with that kid. So if down the road, he has some falling out with his MOTY, and wants to run away and stay here - it won't happen... Think about that and make sure you know what you want in life... silence.
... and I added: It's
... and I added: It's unpleasant watching you bow down and dote on this kid 24/7... doesn't come off as respectable.
I had gotten my head wrapped around him not wanting to come here... god help me if he actually comes back in 2 weeks. I just don't think I have it in me.
You know, we were recently
You know, we were recently engaged... we went away for a small vaca... we have been blissful. 3 months with no skid. It was heaven... This weekend was just crap. I am really very open and clear with SO about my thoughts, feelings, predictions about the situation with his ex life (as I call it/them). He insists he understands and that I'm the most important thing to him (and he behaves as such, truly). But I have a lot of reservations about this stuff, and since no one can be sure what the future brings, it leaves me feeling anxious. I read the posts on this site (well, the normal ones.... ) and think, I'm sure none of these women thought their lives would turn into total shit either... tread carefully.
Very confusing.
Friday night, he was going on
Friday night, he was going on about how he doesn't provide for his kid. I said, really? You send the Bowel Movement most of your income - you provide just fine. I said what do you think you need to provide in addition? A car? He hesitated.
I asked SO if he had looked at skidly's FB lately. "No". I said, well why don't you look. Then why don't you ask him what he did on father's day... and let him lie to you. He spent the day with his SF and ranted and raved about it on FB. Did he post something on your FB on father's day? (No). Did he even call you? (No.) So if he came to you now and asked you for money for a car, would you feel inclined to hand him more money? (Silence).
You have 2 choices, SO. Continue to make believe and pretend that things are honky dory, or peel that onion back and let it rip. And if you decide to do that, then say what you feel! and when he turns on the tears and says something that you are so desperate to hear, don't just leave it at that and coddle him and wipe those tears... let it be awkward, keep peeling back the onion - get to the ROOT of it. Or, do nothing, like you do now and pretend there are fairies and unicorns flying about.
I cannot handle stuffing shit that I want to say. I can't understand people who live that way.
You realise this is most of
You realise this is most of these men's standing operating procedure?
" Or, do nothing, like you do now and pretend there are fairies and unicorns flying about. "
Mine lives in unicorn glitter fart land where his son isn't disconnection from him when at the age of 5 he started to call his dad by his given name. Where he calls his SF daddy. Not SF, dad, mothers husband. Daddy in an excited happy voice. Where at the age of stb7 he insists that his SF is his favorite dad. Yay us with these gummy bear dads.
Yep. I realize that. Takes
Yep. I realize that.
Takes us days to recover after a skid weekend. I had almost forgotten all this fun.
Days Sal, literally it took
Days Sal, literally it took me and the girls up to 7 days to recover from a very bad visit. Last time kid came to the house was 6 hours and PPP took a week to recover. I was less as I knew it was the end. PPP paid a high price.
It's the awkwardness that
It's the awkwardness that remains between me and SO. I want to talk about it, he clearly doesn't... I usually end up talking about it... because, well, I just have to. Things between us are just strange afterwards... that big ole elephant thing
He doesn't talk about the
He doesn't talk about the skids... never actually. It's me - after a horrid visit, I feel the need to hash it out. He wants to avoid that like the plague. It's hard to just let it go I guess... I have so much built up after typically not saying anything for 2.5 days... it's like I'm going to verbally burst!
Not everyone is good at that.
Not everyone is good at that. I'm shocking, although much better since I come here.
I'll say that I'll try, but
I'll say that I'll try, but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be successful... but we'll see. I really am not at all good at that. But, you're probably right.
*sigh* this is us. And I am
*sigh* this is us. And I am forever asking "what's the plan" and he's forever looking at me like I should know the plan. It's wait and do nothing. Or wait for a psychiatrist who is less informed/ knowledgeable about the setup to tell you what to do. You forgot you are a grown up and need to make decisions.
Thanks, Ladies.
Thanks, Ladies.