If I am invited to a birthday party, or even to dinner, I take a a gift for the birthday party and a bottle of wine or small flower arrangement for a dinner party (usually wine).

Buying a gift should be a person's choice and I would not take it personal. It was rude to not bring a small something for the birthday party. I wouldn't invite them again and try and disengage from them as much as possible.

You didn't state how old these siblings are; but your daughter needs to understand that these relationships are what they are and nothing more.

Sorry you are feeling snubbed, but ignore it and teach your children to take the high road. Life is cruel at times.

To be fair to granny that is a lot of kids to buy gifts for and she may have other grandkids she shops for too. If she's like most older people she may be on a fixed income and may purchase only the gifts that she feels are necessary. In divorce and blended family situations things are never going to be 100% fair. Your girls from a previous marriage can be told that DH's mother is ss and dd's grandma just like exH's mother is their grandma.

Have you thought about asking grandma to bring a treats or a dish all the kids can share rather than gifts? Maybe she could give the gift of babysitting for a night out or something like that. If grandma balks then you can just be prepared with an extra gift for your daughter if you want it to be fair.

I'm also from a large family, and my Mom would do the same thing as you describe with your kids/skid - she would hold a party for all of the birthday's on a given month. My mom also included both of my SD's in that, and my SD were spoiled rotten by all the gifts and attention from their step-grandparents, step-aunts and uncles, step-cousins, etc...who actually refused to ever refer to them as anything but grand-daughters, nieces (the word step was not even mentioned)

But that was just how my family was. We tend to go overboard trying to make everyone feel loved, included, happy.

My own MIL and FIL were also of this mind-set and every year there was a birthday dinner held for OSD and myself, since our birthdays are just days apart.

My SIL however, is very much like your MIL. She refused to so much as even say happy birthday to me let alone actually buy a birthday gift! Now of course I would never expect one - that isn't the point - in fact I was much more comfortable not receiving anything.

What she would do is show up with something spectacular for OSD's birthday, make a huge deal about giving it to her, and completely ignore me like I didn't exist/that the dinner was in fact, had nothing to do with me although it was actually held (by her own parents) for me as well

She also did things like this for Christmas. Would have a gift for every single person in DH's family, and make sure to make a big deal about every single one, while completely excluding me. She even included a gift for my parents once, while excluding me :? :? :?

It used to infuriate and embarrass DH

For my part, while I really couldn't imagine ever doing something like that to someone, I also acknowledged that in her mind she really just reasoned that I was not family to her (although I'm her sister-in-law SHE considers me merely her brother's wife - and BM her sister-in-law, whole other post) and that in the end it was her right to either include me or not.

So I really never took offence by it

Your MIL may just not get it. She may simply be focused on her own family and not consider her sgkids as her family. She may not be doing it to be mean or cause problems, she just may not feel the same way as you feel about it

I get that it hurts, and can see how it will make you feel bad for your kids, but as someone else mentioned I would just take the high road and teach your kids how to do that too. Use it as an opportunity to help them deal with one of life's lessons about people, values, and behavior....

You are over reacting lol, you know MIL ignores your other children, then you can simply give them more then what you give to the other kids...

I'm sorry but I do not expect any of SO's family to give Deigma any gifts, he's not their family, they can hand to Aergia as much as they want, Deigma also understands it, it's not their responsibility to give him anything.

My family does not give anything to aergia, not their family... funny we have no problems with this not in the last 12 years... both kids knows exactly why they do not get gifts at certain house

Think of it like this..
If you had a friend who was having a joint bday celebration with two other people would you bring gifts for all those celebrating even though you see them once a year?
OR
If a friend invited you to a joint bday party for their child & 2 other kids you barely knew..Would you buy all three a gift?

I wouldn’t. I’d wish them all a happy birthday and only present a gift for MY friend.

Also some people don’t like giving money in a card especially to a teenager of that age. She may think the amount she was willing/able to spend on a stranger would not be appreciated in cash form. Okay yes she could have simply brought a card with her but would that be appreciated by an 18year old anyway?

Is your daughter actually bothered that she didn’t get a gift and her 6 & 10yo siblings did? If she isn’t bothered you definitely shouldn’t be. And if she is bothered she needs to stop thinking she’s entitled to anything from strangers. Gifts are tokens of love not obligations.

For years I was forced to watch my SD's give my husband presents and parties and completely ignore me for anything and everything; I no longer expect anything, it hurt initially but it is the way it is. At first I could not believe it because I would NEVER treat anybody like this, even a complete stranger. Then I thought maybe it was my imagination. After a few years I realized my reality.

Husband allows it-- so I live with it. But, I can control HOW I deal with it...and, now I stay AWAY from it. They think of me and want me to know with certainly they believe I am exclusionary property; (even written on FB about that--which others showed to me); so they certainly think my daughter (their step sister), that way too. And, at last-- we are finally both pleased to be exactly that now....We are both much happier that we have moved on without them in our lives. I never expected anything for my daughter, but given I was doing all the work and paying for their presents, etc., one might think a birthday card for me might be likely. No, I am not family. I am thrilled to say, I am not their family!!!! Thank God!

Maybe you need to think if you need these people in your life if you feel this is so unjust?

I should add that my SIL has changed somewhat over time, now she gives some crappy little gift to me on those occasions, along with even crappier cards - I think the fact that she could see it never bothered me to receive nothing from her, yet everyone else could see her openly nasty behaviour, maybe she just didn't like her true colours showing, and, that it had zero effect on my own happiness in life - I was happy, inlove, successful in life, came from a nice family - one person's loser treatment wasn't going to dampen my upbeat enthusiasm for life in the slightest.

The best thing you can do is continue to enjoy that your parents are not like your MIL, that they include a grandson who isn't theirs. Teach all your kids include skid to be kind and respectful to others, and don't let you MIL's behavior upset you in the slightest!