Your husband is quit correct - it has nothing to do with you... and this is your golden ticket Hon...

Disengage from BM and SD, they are not your responsibility, immediately take your money out of all joint accounts and start your own account, you only put 50% of your house hold expenses into the joint account,

with your husband feeling sorry for BM and being involved for the sake of their child, you need to start building up a nice little nest egg in case you need to get out and start over.. and well you are not earning money to support a lazy ass grown bitch.

You got stabbed in the back when your SD turned 4.... now you know how it will be, regardless of how bad a BM is, the children will always choose her over the step mother, I wasted allot of years on my SD to be told I'm a whore and not her mother..... the mother always comes first

simply disengage and DH and BM can take care of their kid.

Your husband is still in love with BM. The only reason he isn't with her and is married to you is because she left him. You can not change what is in his heart.

Disengaging will not change the fact that you are trying to build a life with a man who wants to be with another woman.

Hopefully, you love yourself a hell of a lot more than you love him. If so, walk away from this madness.

It was hard to make much sense out of reading what you have written. Is there a proper custody order and parenting plan? You say your husband paid child support to this woman for three years but that the mother exited the scene and left the baby at age one. Courts don't order child support to parents who don't have custody nor any reason to be receiving the child support.

So does what you say imply the mother is the one on court record who actually has custody and there was no legal paperwork showing the mother had deserted the child? Obviously, if BM was in jail for six months she would have been physically unable to have the child and custody, is that when child support going to her ended by your husband? Was it actually ever ordered or did your husband just pay this woman to keep her away and so she wouldn't try and take the child back?

Eh, I suppose the details don't really matter as that's not what you are writing and/or asking about. You've gotten yourself into an tangled emotional mess. You moved in with a man you just met who had a 12-14 month old baby, immediately started playing 'Mommy' at the ripe old age of nineteen and now that BM is out of jail, cleaned her drug habit up she's wanting her child and her parenting rights back.

And once again, without any court orders nor involvement to make any of it legal, your husband is handing BM back 50% parenting time? And telling you to shut up and mind your own business. Sure sounds like your husband is all game for what BM wants, no questions asked. Yeah, seems strange.

Lady, this isn't your child, and she never was. You were young and foolish and got terribly used. Your guy needed an immediate 'Mommy', he doesn't need that from you anymore. BM has no home nor a job. Where does BM take the child during the time your husband is giving her?

This child is five. She should be starting kindergarten this August. Your husband best seek out a lawyer and let the courts decide which parent has custody, which parent will have residential for school registration and who, if either, owes who child support and make it legal.

As for you, your husband appears to be 1) definitely hiding something from you that he doesn't want you to know and 2)may or may not either still love this woman or is living in fear because appropriate legal custody is non-existent and he doesn't know where he legally stands. He doesn't seem to care what you think of the situation.

So the question is, what are you going to do now? You have no legal rights to this child, regardless if you raised her and love her to pieces. Your husband is telling you to shut up and mind your own business, BM and he will do as they please with no 'buts' from you. So where does all this leave you and how much longer are you going to be played the fool? It's time your husband come clean with you about everything and gives you a chance to make a decision as to what you do next. It's already clear what he and BM intend to do. What about you?

"But to disrespect me even infront of the bio mom,, texts everyday all day long, hides texts. . ." I rarely tell anyone to just up and leave, but in this case, your DH is clearly a pig, and I highly suspect no amount of counseling would cure him of his pigginess. Also, I'm sure he wouldn't even be interested in going. You deserve much, much better. I feel so sorry for both you and his daughter. I'm sure after four years she sees you as someone special in her life, esp. since her own BM didn't seem to want to have much to do with her during those four years.

BUT, at the end of the day, you need to take care of yourself and you did not create this mess--they did. Leave, or I suspect things will only get worse. You are young and have your whole life in front of you. Try to get the courage to just leave, and then see a counselor for yourself to gain a better perspective on what just happened to you. And, pls. don't have a child with this man to try to "keep him." This man is a pig and an A$$. The only one who deserves him is his ex-. They deserve each other. The little girl I feel very sorry for; with parents like these she is not going to have the best life. However, again, this is not your mess to try to clean up or burden yourself with.

So if you married at 19 when the kid was 1 and the kid is 4-5 now you're what? In your early to mid-twenties? You're a baby, woman! Get out of this immediately and go find a partner who can put you and your marriage together first.

Or, better yet, finish your degree...travel...live the single life for a while. You won't regret it.

Sweetie -

#1. Delete your name from your Bio - unless that is a made up name. And create a screen name without names. This protects you.

#2. Divorce. If he is hiding things, there must be things to hide. You state that he disrespects you and compares you to her. She has been in jail, she has cheated on him. And there you are - simple really.
But do some planning, get your financials in line, this is most important. There aren't many details above, so it is difficult to give advice other than, get your financials in line with being a strong, independent woman who can stand on her own two feet. Your Bio states that you have been with your man since the age of 19. You were a child raising a child, no matter how mature a person you are. You can rebuild.

#3. You can love that child, but that child is not yours, and never will be. You still have time to create your own family. I am too old, and my SO has 2 children with a lousy BM, who has abused her children, and who doesn't do much for them except babysit. Still - she is their mum, their number #1. This will always be the case.

#4. Read posts on this forum, there are years upon years of experience and knowledge here.

(((HUGS)))

So sorry....

Ask your parents IF they can give you money for a lawyer and file for divorce.. Start looking for cute little apartments for you to move into.

Please be kind to yourself ok?