I will try to give a BRIEF (if it is at all possible) summary of what I am dealing with. My husband did not have custody of his 2 children when we married. They lived with his ex sister in law and her husband who were their legal guardians. Their mother is drug addict and she lost her rights many years ago. Now she is in prison. My husband really did not see or call his kids. He chose to continue his military career to provide for them rather than being involved in their daily life after he and their mother divorced. I am not saying I agree with this. He made this choice long before we met. After we married we did go to court so he could regain custody of his children. We were granted it. Although after talking with the kids we decided to allow them to remain with their aunt and uncle. After all the shuffling around and they had experienced at the hands of their mother it was the only stable enviroment they had ever known. Between both of us we have 4 kids. Our oldest is 20(his) and in the service. Then there our daughter(mine)she is a college student and moved back to our(mine and my kids) home state for college and lives with my ex. Next is daughter #2(his) she is 17 and our youngest son(mine) is 15. After a summer visit with his dad he asked if he could remain there and go to school ( I realize that moving around because of the military is hard) so I allowed it. I am happy that he and his sister are together at their dads as they are very close. 1 1/2 years ago my husbands daughter was brought to us by her aunt and uncle. She was causing ALOT of problems at her aunt and uncles. Her mother was thought to be"clean" and before calling her dad she allowed her to go there. That was a disaster that lasted only a few days. Mom was not clean and her felon husband gave her a choice him or her daughter. She once again chose her own wants over her kids. What a winner! Finally getting close to the point....2 weeks after she came to us my husband had to leave for 3 months. So I was left with a troubled teen girl who I barely knew. When he returned we moved to another state and about 8 months later yep you guessed it he is deployed. She got into trouble several times before he left. Luckliy no brushes with the law. Things like skipping school ( that happened once ) ,smoking pot, failing grades , breaking trust just to name a few. She talks horribly to her dad . She does not disrespect me like she does him . To keep her out of trouble I do not allow her computer access (yes that has been a problem namely posting things on FB without thinking of the consequences) she is not allowed to date because she is not mature enough to handle it.Not to mention I do not want to raise a grandchild (yes I put her on the pill immediatly after she came to us because of her previous actions) She does not stay home alone and has no social life. I know this sounds harsh but trust me it is for her own good. She calls me mom by her own choice. She knows that my love for her is the same no matter what she calls me. I am really trying hard to help become a successful adult. I have heart to heart talks with her whenever they are needed. We do mother/daughter things together all the time. It is just that she is a very challenging child. I never have had any problems from my bio kids. I am not saying they are perfect but they never and still do not give us any problems. I feel like my husband is using me. If we were not married she would not be living with him. That is when he is here. I am the one that deals with her on a daily basis. After all the military is always taking him away. I know when I married him I accepted his children just like he did mine. But, mine have never caused us problems. As bad as it is to say he is closer to my bio kids than his own. I just wonder if he realizes everything I am doing for him and her on a daily basis.I feel like I am the one doing all the work and dealing with her and he wants to think that he is the one raising her when he is not ever around. Did I mention as much I love her she drives me crazy. She is just like her mother unfortunatly. She has zero common sense and lives in a fairy tale world. I am working with her on trust and common sense. Especially on thinking before she opens her mouth to prevent her from saying really dumb things. I do love her and I am trying to afford her all the guidance I gave my bio kids. She had a great home with her aunt and uncle and they raised her well i just can't figure out why she is the way she is and I wish my husband truly understood what he has dumped in my lap.