I am a victim of abuse
I don't know why I am posting this but honestly I need to be able to say this out in the open. I am a step mom and have been one for 7 years now. I am unemployed and in nursing school. dad and I have 2 bio kids 5 and 2 years old along with his step daughter 15. My husband is a doctor and controls all the money in the home. I am wifenumber two and step mother # 2 to his daughter. My husband harbors so much hatred anger and resentment towards me bcause I never bonded with his daughter. There has been a revolving door of women in her life and they have all loved her except me. They've all forgone rules, discipline etc on her behalf because they absolutely adored dad. Plus they never had to be full time anything to this child. That being said I am evil. I'm a bitch, I'm a fucked up person, and there's according to my husban a special place in hell for me. My husband has spat on me, thrown drinks in my face, kicked me, slapped me, choked me, and threatened to kill me on several occasions/ All of these incidents have happened because he ha said that I hate his daughter. Honestly yes I ignore her, because if I do say anything to her I'm wrong and she doesn't have to do anything I say. He has even had friendsto say I am evil and that his daughter will resent him for staying married to me. Make her mad and I'm evil. It's as if he says things to me that he really feels about her.
SD has a bio mother who lives down the street yet has nothing to do with her. 1st step mom gave her up when she became angry with dad, and everyone view her as a saint. 1st step mom also taught SD to hate biodad. So theres this twisted relationship between SD and my husband. She openly contends she hates him yet he is so guilty he rewards all of her bad behavior. Get into a shoving boxin match with dad no problem get a new bed set the nesxt week. Lie to dad about where you were no problem, get $300 hair extentions a few days later. Get poor grades on your report card, no problem dad spend literally a $1000 on your birthday party. Piss dad off and the worst punishment you get is to have your cell phone taken away 1-2 days excuse me your iphone.
Now mind you they had a shoving match a few weeks ago and dad told me to call the police. Guess who got blamed for it though I had nothing to do with it. SD has drawn pictures and threatened to kill me, DD said it was therapeutic. He says the reason she is a liar is because of me. He says the reason she is a thief is because of me. He says the reason why she has mental problems is because of me. He says the reaso why she doen't have the common sense of a cockroach is beacsue of me. I am the reason for everything wrong and off kilter in her life and his. He truly piles everything on my shoulders, and then threatens me if I say something in response. He's so clever and quick witted that you're almost left wondering is it really you, though I know its's not all me. I'm avery convient sourse of blame. I get blamed daily for being a horrible step mother, and a horrible person. He blames me for not being the same mother to his demon seed as I am to my 2 biological kids. I love my children and it's as if I have to appologize for loving them, nd doing everything for them. I shouldn't have to appologize for loving my babies. His rebutal is that he shouldn't have to appologise for loving SD15. And he shouldn't but it's a sick and twisted relationship. He condones here lying, and manipulation and expects me to do the same. He says I have different rules for our kids. No, I have high expectations and standards for my children and he does not, he's too guilty.
SD15 doesn't flush the toilet, leaves dirty tampons here in there does weird things like place spoons under her mattress, stacks trash in her closet, has taken off blood stained panties and left them behind the couch, places used cheese wrappers in patterns of 3 and left them in cutlery drawers, all kinds of just bizarre stuff yet it's because of me.
I can;t leave I can't afford to. He threatens to divorce me knowing I have nowhere to go and threatens to take my 2 children away, because he can afford lawyers and I can't. And crazily enough I love my husband. I honestly think it's just so much easier for him to blame and abuse me than it is to look at himself.
Again sorry, I just had to tell someone because I have no one else I can talk to about the truth of my life.
I'm sorry you're going
I'm sorry you're going through this. I was with an abusive man who did everything he could to isolate me from my family, friends and real life. He expected me to work 40 hrs a week and do all the housework and controlled every dime (even my child support from my ex). He ran me down, emotionally, physically and mentally. He cost me everything I ever loved, including custody of my own child.
Once I was able to break free of him, I never felt such relief. I could do what I wanted, say what I wanted, wear what I wanted, talk to whomever I wanted, go wherever I wanted and I had CONTROL for the first time in 8 years! I vowed I would NEVER put myself into that kind of position again.
You need to get out. For your sake as well as your children's. Do you want them growing up believing that your marriage is good? That he treats you the way they should expect to be treated when they get older? To think that abusing and controlling someone else is ok? Because the longer you stay, the more they'll believe those things.
Do you have family you could move in with? And let him take you to court! Just because you can't afford a lawyer doesn't mean you can't fight him. It's rare for one parent to get 100% custody of kids unless there's some major shit wrong with the other...
Good luck and I'm here if you need someone who is familiar with what you're going through.
You sound very much like me
You sound very much like me in my first marriage. Do you really love your husband or is it the "nuclear family" that you are striving for?
A lot of your DH threats sound like the ones made to me. It wasn't until I made the decision that I wanted out did he even try to actually work on our marriage.
I would like to message you later. I do have to go into a meeting here at work right now but I really do want to talk to you.
Me to, including working on
Me to, including working on our marriage AFTER I moved out. We are doing wonderfully now but I know that is not the norm.
He wasn't as bad as this jackwagon either, though.
OP, why WOULD you love someone like this? Please look into getting counseling for yourself as well. It will help you if you have to stay for a while to get things sorted out or it will help you strengthen your backbone to realize you do NOT DESERVE THIS
All I can say is it breaks my
All I can say is it breaks my heart to hear this, and I hope you can find a way to leave. {{{hugs}}}
Sickly enough I love my
Sickly enough I love my husband ( tearing up). I truly truly love my husband. I just don't know. I' just trying to make it 1 1/2 years so that I can make it through school. I have no money, no family, my mother was my soul and she passed away 3 years ago. My son and daughter so love this man who am I to take them away or chance him taking my children away, I'd die. I justkeep saying to myself it's only 18 more months and then I can just get away. My huband isn;t a bad person we just don't share any common ground. I've not been a great or even good step mom, admittedly but I don't know how to change it.
Most abusers don't stop with
Most abusers don't stop with one victim. It won't be long before he goes after your kids. He may do that just to hurt you. But he will. Keep that in mind. If you can't do this for yourself, do this for them. Get out now.
This was me. I made excuses
This was me.
I made excuses and took the blame over and over.
Because he was SO great with our two children (my older dd's)
The day he hurt my then almost 4 year old was the day I left him.
Stupid of me to wait that long.
As everyone else said, please
As everyone else said, please get help now. This will not get better.
Do not worry about him taking your kids from you. He can't. Put that out of your head. He's just being an abusive jerk by threatening you with that.
Your alimony checks will be quite nice.
1. If he truly thought this
1. If he truly thought this BULLSHIT about you, he would have kicked you out and divorced you. He wouldn't just be THREATENING to do it.
2. Call a place for abused women. They have absolutely a ton of resources for people in your situation. He doesn't have to hit you to be abusive and most abusers are very smart and so manipulative, they can make you question yourself.
1−800−799−SAFE(7233) (National abuse hotline) or call your local women's shelter.
3. He is abusing you financially with having control of all the money.
4. He is blowing smoke up your ass. Just because he can afford a lawyer (because he controls all the money) doesn't necessarily mean he will get all the stuff he is threatening you with. The best thing you could do is leave and take your two children to the women's shelter. File for divorce that day or even before you leave. Whomever files first (in our state at least) usually gets more of what they ask for. Then you file for alimony and CS so you are NOT destitute! People with little to no money qualify for Legal Aid. The women's shelter can help you with all of this!!
5. You might want to consult with a lawyer before you even consider getting out. Most good ones will do an initial consultation appointment for free.
6. Look at these webpages. It might open your eyes even more.
https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/11989_446919858730415_120343...
http://www.steptalk.org/node/34278
PM if you need anything
((((( HUGS ))))) I'm so
((((( HUGS )))))
I'm so sorry. I have no advice.
I don't blame you for wanting
I don't blame you for wanting to finish school before you leave him. It will be hard financially when you separate, you need to have a plan because if you don't it will be easy to fall back into a relationship with him out of desperation. Only you can decide what you can handle and when you're ready to leave.
Start getting things ready now, because one day down the road you will want to leave and you'll need a plan. Your plan should include:
1) an emergency plan-- this is like your mini plan inside your plan because when the time comes to leave you may find that you need to leave very quickly. You'll need to know where you can go in short notice (shelters, friends, etc). You should keep vital supplies together in the same place if you can including some money, and important papers/ documents, a stash of needed prescriptions like asthma meds, etc.
2) documentation of the abuse. You'll need this when it's time to fight for custody!!! The next time he hits you calling the police may or may not be helpful because it could force you to leave before you're ready. It's up to you to determine if a police report and arrest is necessary for your safety. IF you decide you don't want to call the police that's ok, but still find ways to document what happened! The next time he hits you-- go to your doctor. REPORT THE ABUSE to the doctor. Ask the doctor to evaluate your bruise/ injury if there are any. Think about making a paper trail. If you tell the doctor, he or she will note it in your medical records-- down the road when you're fighting for a divorce and for custody you'll NEED a paper trail.
Save any threatening voicemails, text messages or emails. Keep track of dates and details of when things happen-- it's good to have this in two locations in case he finds and keeps one copy-- you could email notes to yourself on days when things happen.
Another thing you should do is to seek services from a domestic violence agency. A support group would be good for you, and again, it may be another opportunity to document the situation-- like two years from now when you're going to court for custody you can show documentation that before the divorce you sought services as a victim of abuse.
3) Speaking of support-- you'll need that! Work to build your support network now-- start with a couple friends who you can rely on who have an idea about the abuse. domestic violence is so isolating, but you'll need people when the time comes to leave. Make sure your children's teachers and others in the community know you. You never know who can be a character witness or a witness to your parenting later on when in court for custody, nor who can support you when you're leaving/ have left.
4) some saved money if you can. you said he controls the money, but maybe there are little ways that you can put some cash aside? If not, here's where your education will come in because you'll have a way to make money and get a job when needed.
5) knowledge of the law-- even some basic knowledge about how to get an order of protection and temporary custody order will be helpful. When you leave, you don't want him to blindside you and take the kids before you can get a court order to the contrary.
Just know that it's not your fault, none of it. Please be careful with your computer... delete browsing history, etc. Sending you love and support. You're stronger and wiser than you know.
DO ALL OF THIS. AND START
DO ALL OF THIS.
AND START RIGHT NOW, PLEASE, even if you are not ready to leave yet do it.
Have copies/originals of all important papers pertaining to assets, children, marriage cert, bank accts - try and get copies of EVERYTHING and store them somewhere else.
If you have to leave in a hurry you will already have stuff.
Listen to Snowdrop!!
Listen to Snowdrop!! Everything she says is good.
The last thing I want to say is this...Your kids are 5 and 2. Soon they will see how your husband treats you and (as long as you stay) THEY WILL THINK ABUSE IS OK! If you have a son, he will think it's ok to abuse his wife. If you have a daughter, she will think it's ok to be abused. If you can't leave for your self, leave for them.
So sorry you are going thru
So sorry you are going thru this. What you should do is try to start socking some money away. You should also open a credit card, my husband is also a Dr. and the amount of credit they will give you based on his income is ridiculous. You need to set up housing, a lawyer, etc. and have everything set up before you make your move. You need to be very calculating and this needs to be a concise plan.
What state are you in?
Are you on the banks
Are you on the banks accounts? If so you could also make a large withdrawl the day everything falls into place. You need a plan. Snowdrop gave excellent advice. We can help you succeed in making this move.
I have tears streaming down
I have tears streaming down my face right now. When I was 11 years old I witnessed my mom getting beat by my first stepdad. He beat her, threw a DVD player and her head and slit one of her wrist with a knife. This was all in front of her children. My brother tried jumping in and ended up with a black eye and swollen ankle. PLEASE I know it’s hard and I know your mind may not be in a clear state of thinking. PLEASE if you read this leave if not for yourself than for your kids please. My mom left with nothing but the clothes on our backs. We were homeless living in shelters for about 3 months and she worked her butt off for us. She has now found my wonderful SF of the last 13 years. You will find happiness you deserve so much more. I am never the person to share my deep personal history. I am So that you can break free. And you can break free. PM me please I am here for you.
I am so sorry you had to
I am so sorry you had to witness this. No child should ever be subjected to abuse.![Sad](https://prod-cdn-1.ststatic.com/sites/all/modules/contrib/smiley/packs/kolobok/sad.gif)
I feel like waking my baby up
I feel like waking my baby up and holding him. You guys don't have to feel sorry for me. My family has made it through and I know OP can too. I know you can make it through honey. PLEASE leave. If there is anything I can do for you PM me I swear I will do anything to help. You are worth more and you and your kids deserve more. Please understand that. If you need advice or help finding a place to go in your area please email me and I will help you. You are not alone. PLEASE leave PLEASE!
Sheldon I am proud of you. I
Sheldon I am proud of you. I also hope your children are as brave as you and my mom. And your baby is a precious gift no matter how it came into this world it is yours and surely beautiful.
Sheldon you have an awesome
Sheldon you have an awesome daughter wow I hope my son grows up to be lke that.
You said it yourself in the
You said it yourself in the title of this blog "I AM A VICTIM OF ABUSE".
You need to leave. If not for YOU, then do it for your kids.
This is not a joke, this is not a lifetime movie. This is real and it is YOUR LIFE. Do it now before someone gets seriously hurt.