I'm sorry you're going through this. I was with an abusive man who did everything he could to isolate me from my family, friends and real life. He expected me to work 40 hrs a week and do all the housework and controlled every dime (even my child support from my ex). He ran me down, emotionally, physically and mentally. He cost me everything I ever loved, including custody of my own child.

Once I was able to break free of him, I never felt such relief. I could do what I wanted, say what I wanted, wear what I wanted, talk to whomever I wanted, go wherever I wanted and I had CONTROL for the first time in 8 years! I vowed I would NEVER put myself into that kind of position again.

You need to get out. For your sake as well as your children's. Do you want them growing up believing that your marriage is good? That he treats you the way they should expect to be treated when they get older? To think that abusing and controlling someone else is ok? Because the longer you stay, the more they'll believe those things.

Do you have family you could move in with? And let him take you to court! Just because you can't afford a lawyer doesn't mean you can't fight him. It's rare for one parent to get 100% custody of kids unless there's some major shit wrong with the other...

Good luck and I'm here if you need someone who is familiar with what you're going through.

You sound very much like me in my first marriage. Do you really love your husband or is it the "nuclear family" that you are striving for?
A lot of your DH threats sound like the ones made to me. It wasn't until I made the decision that I wanted out did he even try to actually work on our marriage.
I would like to message you later. I do have to go into a meeting here at work right now but I really do want to talk to you.

All I can say is it breaks my heart to hear this, and I hope you can find a way to leave. {{{hugs}}}

As everyone else said, please get help now. This will not get better.

Do not worry about him taking your kids from you. He can't. Put that out of your head. He's just being an abusive jerk by threatening you with that.

Your alimony checks will be quite nice.

1. If he truly thought this BULLSHIT about you, he would have kicked you out and divorced you. He wouldn't just be THREATENING to do it.

2. Call a place for abused women. They have absolutely a ton of resources for people in your situation. He doesn't have to hit you to be abusive and most abusers are very smart and so manipulative, they can make you question yourself.
1−800−799−SAFE(7233) (National abuse hotline) or call your local women's shelter.

3. He is abusing you financially with having control of all the money.

4. He is blowing smoke up your ass. Just because he can afford a lawyer (because he controls all the money) doesn't necessarily mean he will get all the stuff he is threatening you with. The best thing you could do is leave and take your two children to the women's shelter. File for divorce that day or even before you leave. Whomever files first (in our state at least) usually gets more of what they ask for. Then you file for alimony and CS so you are NOT destitute! People with little to no money qualify for Legal Aid. The women's shelter can help you with all of this!!

5. You might want to consult with a lawyer before you even consider getting out. Most good ones will do an initial consultation appointment for free.

6. Look at these webpages. It might open your eyes even more.
https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/11989_446919858730415_120343...
http://www.steptalk.org/node/34278

PM if you need anything

((((( HUGS )))))

I'm so sorry. I have no advice.

I don't blame you for wanting to finish school before you leave him. It will be hard financially when you separate, you need to have a plan because if you don't it will be easy to fall back into a relationship with him out of desperation. Only you can decide what you can handle and when you're ready to leave.

Start getting things ready now, because one day down the road you will want to leave and you'll need a plan. Your plan should include:

1) an emergency plan-- this is like your mini plan inside your plan because when the time comes to leave you may find that you need to leave very quickly. You'll need to know where you can go in short notice (shelters, friends, etc). You should keep vital supplies together in the same place if you can including some money, and important papers/ documents, a stash of needed prescriptions like asthma meds, etc.

2) documentation of the abuse. You'll need this when it's time to fight for custody!!! The next time he hits you calling the police may or may not be helpful because it could force you to leave before you're ready. It's up to you to determine if a police report and arrest is necessary for your safety. IF you decide you don't want to call the police that's ok, but still find ways to document what happened! The next time he hits you-- go to your doctor. REPORT THE ABUSE to the doctor. Ask the doctor to evaluate your bruise/ injury if there are any. Think about making a paper trail. If you tell the doctor, he or she will note it in your medical records-- down the road when you're fighting for a divorce and for custody you'll NEED a paper trail.

Save any threatening voicemails, text messages or emails. Keep track of dates and details of when things happen-- it's good to have this in two locations in case he finds and keeps one copy-- you could email notes to yourself on days when things happen.

Another thing you should do is to seek services from a domestic violence agency. A support group would be good for you, and again, it may be another opportunity to document the situation-- like two years from now when you're going to court for custody you can show documentation that before the divorce you sought services as a victim of abuse.

3) Speaking of support-- you'll need that! Work to build your support network now-- start with a couple friends who you can rely on who have an idea about the abuse. domestic violence is so isolating, but you'll need people when the time comes to leave. Make sure your children's teachers and others in the community know you. You never know who can be a character witness or a witness to your parenting later on when in court for custody, nor who can support you when you're leaving/ have left.

4) some saved money if you can. you said he controls the money, but maybe there are little ways that you can put some cash aside? If not, here's where your education will come in because you'll have a way to make money and get a job when needed.

5) knowledge of the law-- even some basic knowledge about how to get an order of protection and temporary custody order will be helpful. When you leave, you don't want him to blindside you and take the kids before you can get a court order to the contrary.

Just know that it's not your fault, none of it. Please be careful with your computer... delete browsing history, etc. Sending you love and support. You're stronger and wiser than you know.

Listen to Snowdrop!! Everything she says is good.

The last thing I want to say is this...Your kids are 5 and 2. Soon they will see how your husband treats you and (as long as you stay) THEY WILL THINK ABUSE IS OK! If you have a son, he will think it's ok to abuse his wife. If you have a daughter, she will think it's ok to be abused. If you can't leave for your self, leave for them.

So sorry you are going thru this. What you should do is try to start socking some money away. You should also open a credit card, my husband is also a Dr. and the amount of credit they will give you based on his income is ridiculous. You need to set up housing, a lawyer, etc. and have everything set up before you make your move. You need to be very calculating and this needs to be a concise plan.

What state are you in?

Are you on the banks accounts? If so you could also make a large withdrawl the day everything falls into place. You need a plan. Snowdrop gave excellent advice. We can help you succeed in making this move.

I have tears streaming down my face right now. When I was 11 years old I witnessed my mom getting beat by my first stepdad. He beat her, threw a DVD player and her head and slit one of her wrist with a knife. This was all in front of her children. My brother tried jumping in and ended up with a black eye and swollen ankle. PLEASE I know it’s hard and I know your mind may not be in a clear state of thinking. PLEASE if you read this leave if not for yourself than for your kids please. My mom left with nothing but the clothes on our backs. We were homeless living in shelters for about 3 months and she worked her butt off for us. She has now found my wonderful SF of the last 13 years. You will find happiness you deserve so much more. I am never the person to share my deep personal history. I am So that you can break free. And you can break free. PM me please I am here for you.

You said it yourself in the title of this blog "I AM A VICTIM OF ABUSE".

You need to leave. If not for YOU, then do it for your kids.

This is not a joke, this is not a lifetime movie. This is real and it is YOUR LIFE. Do it now before someone gets seriously hurt.