I am very disturbed by this
The skids, SD9 and SD10, do not know how to use knives to eat, and almost seem to have a hard time with forks sometimes. They will eat French toast (dripping with syrup) with their hands. I've never seen such a thing. DH and I discussed this, and decided it was high time to teach them to eat like normal human beings. (he and I, and pretty much everyone else we know or who has kids, learn to do these things around 4-5 years old) We only have them EOWE, so he sent BM a very nice text, basically, hey, we are going to work with skids on using utensils to eat, but since you have them majority of the time, would you be willing to help reinforce the idea when they're with you? Her response when she called him about some other stupid thing was 'I do not need to teach them to use utensils, because when they are with me I feed them myself'. Skids confirmed that she does do this frequently. Not every time, but a lot. She cuts up their food, and will put the fork/spoon to their mouths for them.
9 and 10. These kids are 9 and 10. It gave me goosebumps when DH told me that, and he's kind of freaked out too, because now it is clear that she wants babies forever (I've been saying this for a while).
:sick:
We taught them how to use knives properly in one meal. YSD was a little better than OSD, but they were both capable by the end of the weekend. It will be gone in two weeks though, and have to be re-taught. Hopefully they will start to notice classmates and friends, and want to do it more on their own.
:sick:
Sounds pretty typical of
Sounds pretty typical of coddled skids. BM still feeds exSS, and he's almost 10. As of a year ago, he couldn't tie his shoes either.
Do these kids feed themselves at school? I imagine they must.
"BM still feeds exSS, and
"BM still feeds exSS, and he's almost 10. As of a year ago, he couldn't tie his shoes either."
WHAT THE-WHAT!?! She still hand feeds a 10 year old? How does anyone sit and watch that without saying something. I'm all about letting parents parent however they want but I would definitely have to say something in this case like, 'Are his arms freaking broken?'
It's hard to say anything
It's hard to say anything when your jaw is on the floor! LOL! :jawdrop:
They had been after him for
They had been after him for some time about her.
I will never tell him this but my mil revealed to me they stopped coming to visit him at his house (states away from all of them) because of her and partly because of her mother. But really mostly her. She is soooooo unpleasant to be around.
It would hurt him too much to hear this and I don't really expect mil to own up to having said it if I put her on the spot.
After that trip this is one of the crazazy issues we worked on and he ended up spending the next several months easing her into the idea of making simple items for herself and she resented every minute of it. These have turned out to be almost exclusively microwave pre-prepared crap and until recently she would still ask how to operate the microwave. Every time.
Her younger AUTISTIC brother now can make several things on his own that are way more complicated involving a real oven and actual ingredients. He has easily passed her up and we started at the same time with both of them.
Coddling and enmeshment. BM
Coddling and enmeshment. BM gets a selfish thrill that her children are soooo dependent on her (which in turn, means they won't eeeevvvver leave her and will be heeelllllpless at daddykins house)
I experienced the same thing with 3 skids in my case. Only Chef (their father) was oh so glad to treat them like babies as well. Said it gave him "pleasure to wait on them" (which should have been MY clue to RUN!!)
I demonstrated that in fact, a 7 year old could use utensils at the table--something I taught my own bios to do in toddlerdom. He looked shocked and horrified that his "widdle angels" were growing up :barf:
Wow, my 2 and 3 year old
Wow, my 2 and 3 year old children don't want me feeding them like that anymore!
This doesn't bode well for their future!
OMG. My SO son is 10 years
OMG. My SO son is 10 years old (we have them every other weekend) who has to be sent to take a shower, told to put on deoderant, his clothes need to be taken out for him. He eats like he is 4 years old, his face has food all over the place and he has extremely bad table manners. He leaves his dirty clothes all over the bathroom while there is a hamper right there. SO has to even put gel in his hair for him and went to the extreme of cutting his food for him at a restaurant. I couldnt stay quiet I had to tell him like hello he is 10 years old he needs to be able to do that on his own. It is the most annoyig thing in the world.
The sad part is he might live with us soon. I dont even think I can do that.
"SO has to even put gel in
"SO has to even put gel in his hair for him and went to the extreme of cutting his food for him at a restaurant."
I believe we are living in the same dimension!!
Same thing here! Just before he PASed out for good, 11 year old at the time (OSS) was going to a school dance. Chef (his dad) had to literally groom him for it. Chef was saying "oh my boy is soooooo handsome!"
(he's not--has the worst traits of both parents yet is better looking than YSS).
Isint it disgusting to watch?
Isint it disgusting to watch? I feel so mean saying it but really? I cant. I cant. I CANT. Sometimes I want to say more but you know how people are with their kids, extremely sensitive.
"Chef was saying "oh my boy is soooooo handsome!" (he's not--has the worst traits of both parents yet is better looking than YSS)." HAHAHAHAHA SO MEAN!
The next morning, I told them
The next morning, I told them they were expected to use knives to eat their French toast, and if they didn't I was going to go eat in my room. They looked shocked, but they used them just fine.
Amazing what they can manage
Amazing what they can manage to do when you say, "Use your silverware or starve!"
They do know how to tie their
They do know how to tie their own shoes, but only because he taught them. Although as difficult as it seems for OSD, it makes me wonder if her mom doesn't normally do it for her when she's there.
The BM here wants her widdle
The BM here wants her widdle babies to be dependent on her forever. That way they'll never leave. Gotta love BPD! I'm still trying to teach SS15 (yes, 15) how to tell time on an analog clock. :O He learned to make a bed about a year and a half ago. I've given up trying to teach him to comb his hair. He does the front fine, but forgets he has hair on the sides and back of his head.
It would be tough to do that
It would be tough to do that unfortunately. It would not be possible for either of us to get them to the school by their mom's apartment during the week. And in the afternoons, I would end up having to watch them until he gets home from work. The only way to make it work would be if we went for full custody so we could enroll them where we live. Annnnd.... no. Just no. :O
But yes, I agree, it is emotional neglect (abuse even?) to purposely make them so helpless and dependent on her like that. Not to mention socially awkward.
I was wondering the same
I was wondering the same thing. I was also wondering how her live in BF can watch her do that and still want to have sex with her. :sick:
Perhaps they all co-sleep?
Perhaps they all co-sleep?
Perhaps they all co-sleep?
Perhaps they all co-sleep?
my SD13 does not have proper
my SD13 does not have proper table manners and does not know how to use a knife.
when my fiance messaged BM about it do you know what she did? She ignored him, and then forwarded the message to her lawyer with "Really??!???" (we saw this only because she inadvertently provided attorney-client privledge information as part of discovery).
apparently she thinks he rude slob of a daughter is just "perfect" the way she is.
ive since removed myself from eating with her.
My DH used to do crap like
My DH used to do crap like that with them till I called him out on it a couple times. Completely freaked me out. :sick:
bil had child still in
bil had child still in diapers and he was almost four. not normal to have children eat with hands like this. faulty parenting.
I am not alone! My SS13 can't
I am not alone! My SS13 can't use a knife at all and he often forgets about the fork too. A few years ago DH tried talking with BM about it. She said she thinks kids should be allowed to eat in their natural way. So he does... And its disgusting. Maybe we should try feeding him too, that would make alot less mess for sure
Ugh. I feel all of your pain.
Ugh. I feel all of your pain. SS here is EIGHT AND A HALF and was eating his rice with dinner with his hands. Yes, just fingers. I reprimanded him to go get a fork and of course, "Daddy" acted like I was sooo terrible for mention it. He says I am too "harsh" with the kids! Really?! My daughter is 7 and uses utensils and, GASP, even knives to cut. Not perfectly, but she is learning still. His son still eats with fingers wrapped around utensil handle like a caveman who never saw a plate. It sickens me that at the "mother's" house she never bothers to teach her own son even basic table manners. I always have to be the harsh bad guy reprimanding this crap and after 5 years it has grown old. I know my DD has some issues, she is sassy and doesn't always listen well, but I am on her for it, always.
I don't play this coddle your kid shit. We have his son 15 overnights and still pay $700 a month in support, so I at the least expect the child have some social skills. Guess my expectations are again too high. It is really sad and I am done being annoyed about it. We have talked t to death and I know that even though my guy tries and wants his son to be better, his guilt kills him. Even right now, the child starts school tomorrow and because some show he wants to watch is on, he is wide awake until 11 the night before 3rd grade. Ridiculous, IMHO.
Anyways, Hi everyone. For years I have read your posts and felt much of your frustration, today I chose to share. It won't be the last time. I FINALLY feel whatever it was that made all of you feel the need to share. Enough is enough for me, now. Being told I was harsh for being annoyed a third graders was using his fingers to eat his rice pushed me Over the edge. There was no NICE way to express my disdain. He isn't 2 or even 4 when I may have kindly suggested he use a utensil. He is starting THIRD GRADE and I am embarrassed by his behavior. And frankly, sick of dealing with it. Like I said, my DD is no angel, but at least she is aware she needs work.