Oh you poor thing. There is nothing worse than our husbands not sticking up for us in this situation. We have so little control over most of our own lives because we have chosen to be with our DH's despite the fact that they have children and a not so nice exW. If they don't stick up for us, no one else will. And yet they are so sure that they have to keep their mouths shut to keep the peace.

Remind him that he has only one wife to please, not two.

I've had that done to me as well, but some other things were added that I didn't say. Or try this one......try listening to him talking to BM on the phone making it sound like he is the one who took care of everything with the children, when actually it was you!!! Yeah, been there!!!!!

All our kids have really big ears too. We have to constantly watch what we say, b/c they will run off to tell each other, their other parent, or save it for their arsenal to aim at us or their Step-siblings later.

I think your DH needs to talk to SD and defend the two of your rights to have private conversations. Maybe you can tell him, "Please stop her from eavesdropping. If you don't I'm afraid I won't be able to have sex in our own bedroom for fear she'll be listening."

Men are simple creatures.....

Peace, love, and red wine

does he value his marriage to you? You should be pist b/c your dh is taking the easy way out...he can put up a fight with sd and bm, or you...and since he chose to take the easy way out and put you on the back burner by not pushing for cs, not establishing boundaries with sd or bm, he is allowing those two to walk all over you, your marriage, and the respect of your home.

Guess what? If he doesn't pull his head out of the sand and realize how he isn't protecting your marriage, he won't have one to defend. I completely understand why you are steaming, and you should be. Your dh isn't putting his marriage first, he is letting a lazy, manipulative bm work her magic, pump her kid up full of promises for her activities, and then she drops the ball in your guys' court so you two can drop your lives and do her work. Then when you have a say in the matter, sd tries to get in between you two by reporting to bb that your the bad guy and dad just does whatever you say.

This shit needs to stop right now, or your marriage isn't going to survive. First thing first, children should be punished for not respecting adult boundaries, and your dh should be all over her for disrespecting your choice to speak in private. The reason she eavesdrops is b/c she knows dad aint gonna do shit about it. That is highly disrespectful behavior. Secondly, she will always report to bm b/c she knows bm will throw a fit if she doesn't get her way, and dad will just buckle. They both are being manipulative.

If I were you..I would be making a therapy appointment for you and dh pronto, otherwise you are going to continue being a doormat.

Lastly, tell your man you didn't marry a man that allowed another woman to put his balls on her mantle. He better cut the strings and put his marriage first, and stop letting bm control his home, or he will be putting his marriage in jeopardy. This is total bs!

Sorry for being so blunt....but I've lived this, and it's what I had to do to correct things for me. Best wishes to you.

Candice

Eavesdropping aside, you have nothing to worry about what you said or your position. Maybe BM needs to know what is expected. Maybe BM should step up and pay her share. Maybe DH never did this but now will because he has your support. So I hope you don't feel badly about what you said. It was your opinion and your position and it is very valid.

As for the eavesdropping, that little blankity blank. My SD did/does the same thing. I have always felt that I was being watched and documented. When she was 9 or 10 she wrote everything down. Took notes for God's sake about what we were doing. She measured the wine bottle before we poured a glass, and when we recorked it. You know what, we use to have horrible fights about the BM and I'm sorry to say now that those arguements probably have something to do with the kids not wanting to come here anymore. They knew how fed up I was, and they thought we just didn't get along.

I remember about a year ago, SD asked me what we fought about. I told her. I wasn't spiteful, but mostly we argue about issues about the kids. Who knows.

With parenting a difficult child of one's own or a step, I think for me I have to remember that they are still learning and I can shape them. SD use to steal my money and possessions. I got on her pretty quick and after a few reminders and catching her in the act, it stopped. At least I think it did

I guess what I am saying is, 1. don't feel bad and 2. teach her what your expectations are. You might need to be very watchful of her presence when you have a conversation and think a little harder before you speak but you might just save yourself in the long run.

Personally I came to hate that little girl for judging me, comparing me, monitoring me, then coming back with opinions she received from her mother after she relayed her view of our household. She developed quite a vocabulary of opinions for such a young girl. Sometimes she couldn't even pronounce the word that defined her opinion. Oh, really it was her opinion, maybe mom had something to do with that.

In closing I really don't like spies in my home it makes me feel unsafe and I'm sorry you are dealing with one.

our dinner conversation the other night and I can't remember how it came up. Hubby was doing a PERFECT rendition of our oldest daughter eavesdropping. Of course we were all chuckling about it, and she agreed and her fiance agreed that she would be just like Hubby was describing. She even admitted that she used to do that to her mother and SD. I don't think they could've done that to us. Our "private" conversations happen/happened when they aren't/weren't around. Specifically for that reason. It was followed by my husband telling her how disrespectful that is, and how would she like it, and wait until you have children of your own.

It's a real wake up call to them that their father isn't as "stupid" as their mother paints him to be. I know they are shocked to find out that he knows EXACTLY what their behaviour is/would be. I have to give him a lot of credit, he's still trying to drill his values into those kids....

You have a right to be hopping mad - it's very disrespectful to listen in your closed door conversation and should be nipped in the bud.

d

DH is better about defending me now, but early on, he had a "why bother?" attitude. Now he sees how things snowball, so he's better about nipping them in the bud. That, and I threw several fits about him not defending me back then. But in the beginning, the Skids would even use me, bring me and all my flaws up (especially with their mother) whenever they were in trouble; I was the perfect distraction.

But the eavesdropping! I'm going through the same thing now. SS16 is always lurking, trying to listen in on anything he can, so he can report it to his mother and siblings. He just loves drama. I didn't realize the extent of it until recently, and it infuriates me! And BM had the nerve to suggest I be more careful what I say! Like I'm wrong for not doing a clearing drill  before having a private conversation with MY husband in MY home! How about teaching your kid how shady it is to sneak around and listen in on other peoples' conversations? Or that it's bullshit to be stirring the pot all the time with your ill-gotten gossip (that's often misrepresented).

Sorry. Didn't mean to steal your thunder. It's a sore spot for me just now.

DH is better about defending me now, but early on, he had a "why bother?" attitude. Now he sees how things snowball, so he's better about nipping them in the bud. That, and I threw several fits about him not defending me back then. But in the beginning, the Skids would even use me, bring me and all my flaws up (especially with their mother) whenever they were in trouble; I was the perfect distraction.

But the eavesdropping! I'm going through the same thing now. SS16 is always lurking, trying to listen in on anything he can, so he can report it to his mother and siblings. He just loves drama. I didn't realize the extent of it until recently, and it infuriates me! And BM had the nerve to suggest I be more careful what I say! Like I'm wrong for not doing a clearing drill  before having a private conversation with MY husband in MY home! How about teaching your kid how shady it is to sneak around and listen in on other peoples' conversations? Or that it's bullshit to be stirring the pot all the time with your ill-gotten gossip (that's often misrepresented).

Sorry. Didn't mean to steal your thunder. It's a sore spot for me just now.

DH needs to rip SD a new asshole for the evesdropping and he should have called BM out on not stepping up while giving her clarity that you were absolutely right about her.

I'm sorry you had to deal with an eavesdropping kid. That must've pissed you off real bad. It is sneaky behavior and the fact that your DH didn't stick up for you says a lot about him. He needs to be telling your SD off for listening at doors. *pissed on your behalf!