How is SD/SS treated at BM's house?
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What is the weirdest, strangest thing that you have witnessed that BM does with SS/SD? Our BM wont talk to us about how she parents at her house but the way SD act at our house, I can only imagine how she is treated there. We know SD is babied there but don't know to what extent because she says its none of our business how SHE parents at HER house.
When SD14 says jump BM asks
When SD14 says jump BM asks 'how high"? It would be comical if it didn't disrupt our house. We also have 50/50 week on/week off. BM is over here (20 minutes one way) to drop off stupid random shit for SD. I'm talking fake nails and markers for no reason. Once DH told SD he was tired and he was not driving her to a friend's house for a couple hours because he was going to bed early. He just worked an almost 18 hour day. BM drove over, picked up SD dropped her off at her friends that is 3 doors down from BM, drove back to pick her up and then dropped her back off here, and went home. All this because SD can't deal with the reality of living in a household where she doesn't hear yes all the time.
I don't really know what
I don't really know what happens at their house but we've observed BM carrying SD4 around like a baby on her hip. The kid never has to walk when BM is around as she scoops her up and carries her everywhere. SD4 is also super babied as in didn't know how to dress herself and still doesn't sometimes but I refuse to dress or undress her. If my own 4 year old can do it then she should be able to also.
SD7 didn't know how to brush her hair until recently. She can't tie her shoes nor does she even attempt to learn. She gets my 9 year old daughter to do it for her.
I wish I could be a fly on
I wish I could be a fly on the wall at BM's house sometimes. I want to know why is it that SD at 6 and a half literally acts like a baby when returning from a visit. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if she still had her in a crib or eating from a high chair! Do/have any of your BM's not let their child grow up and purposely try to keep them a baby when they are older? Or am I just being paranoid? There is no way a child her age can act like this if they aren't being treated like that.
You and me both. It's
You and me both. It's disgusting. It's more frustrating for me because one of my SD's is 4 and so is my son. Putting them side by side is a joke. My son is much more advanced than she is on just general basic every day stuff.
In the mornings I will set out my son's clothes on his bed and he knows the drill especially on school days. Get dressed, put on your belt, socks and shoes. I do the same with SD4 and she's still struggling to take OFF her clothes. She often puts them on backwards or inside out. IF you give her an inside out shirt she literally cannot turn it right. It's like she just can't grasp simple stuff. She doesn't know which shoes go on what feet but neither does SD7. I'm constantly telling them both to fix their shoes. How can my 4 year old know all this but a dang 7 year old doesn't?!
Does SD enjoy acting like or
Does SD enjoy acting like or being a baby? Like our SD she thinks its all fun and games with the baby talking, peeing her pants, whining, pouting and crying. Have you ever or or told her you would start treating like a baby if she wanted to act like one? Maybe the shock of it would snap her out of it if she lost ALL of her big girl privilages for a week. She would see what she is giving up not wanting to be a big girl. Pt her on the same schedule as you would a baby and give her everything a baby needs. Right down to naps and early bedtimes.
I don't think they enjoy it
I don't think they enjoy it per say.. It's what is "normal" for them so they don't see anything wrong with it. It's hard because during the school year we literally only get them 2 days every other week so not enough time to start new habits or routines really.
I got them today and I told
I got them today and I told her earlier before her and dad went to the store for last minute Christmas shopping that when she gets home, she will be wearing them until she can prove to me that she is a big girl and not need them. She looked right at dad for "sympathy" and he said sorry, you are too old to still be having accidents and it needs to stop. I just had to correct him and told him that they are NOT accidents and said have fun at the store and walked away. I thought for sure that he was going to cave and give her yet another chance like he usually does. When he saw her mattress airing in the garage and what condition it was in he was at a loss for words. Before he got a good look at it he was about to ask me what it was doing out there. All I heard from him was what is her.....then he saw it. She will be sleeping on the blow up mattress until we can buy her another one which at this point, we cant really afford! I bought what I thought was a brand new mattress from a mattress warehouse and I got ripped off. All they did was cover and stuff an old mattress with a new cover. Will a blow up mattress work for now or will she need a real one? I don't want BM accusing us of anything.
I'm not sure about the
I'm not sure about the mattress. I think as long as it's not a long term solution it should be ok.
When SD's first starting coming to our house we didn't have beds yet for everyone as they were on order and we were waiting for them to come in. We let SD7 sleep in my son's bed.. She ruined the mattress by peeing in it. Now we use the cheap plastic covers on ALL the mattresses. Best $2 I've ever spent and when they start stinking or tearing from constant washing we just replace with a new one.
I wish we didnt give away her
I wish we didnt give away her toddler bed when we switched her to a twin. We should of never got the twin bed anyways. She was only in it for a total of 2 months after she got out of the crib. My mom gave us the twin that was in her spare room so we took it and got rid of the toddler bed. She really doesnt have a choice right now, its the only thing other than her old crib that she has to sleep on. I didnt realize how bad her mattress was until I got it to the garage. I guess it was partly my fault because I cant tell you how many time I flipped it.
They should be home in about 20 minutes and I am going to have a very upset child here soon. I did warn her what would happen so this wont be a surprise. I only hope dad had a long talk with her while they were out and that he still has my back. I am done with all the stress its causing and the constant washing of her clothes and scrubbing of the furniture and having my home smell like pee! She will be wearing them until I see an improvement from her so its all on her now.
How'd it go? I want to
How'd it go? I want to throttle mine. DH put her in a pull-up last night and this morning she had peed a full load into it. The thing that has me fuming is she was awake and never went to the bathroom once this morning. The pee was still hot so it was fresh. Basically she didn't want to get out of bed to go to the bathroom so she just pissed on herself. Wtf?
Well, I(we) followed through
Well, I(we) followed through last night as soon as she walked in the door and she hasnt said one word to me this morning. No words at breakfast and no words after. I LOVE IT!!! lol The best of all, NO WET BED last night!! Right after breakfast, I went into her room to change her sheets out of habit and realized that I didnt need to. DH is still trying to cope but at least he still has my back and told her this morning that it stays on until we feel she is ready to go without a diaper.
If it were me, if she isnt taking off the pull up to go potty, I would just have her wear a diaper to bed to save your sanity while she is at your house. Why put her in a pull up if she isnt even seeing them as something she can pull up and down? Then tell her that when you feel she is ready to go without them, you will let her know. I know it will be hard when she is only over at your house for a short period of time but during that time, she needs to know what happens when she purposely wets her pants like a baby.
That's good! Ours bed would
That's good! Ours bed would have been dry except for the compression from sitting on a FULL pull-up made it leak out the sides so we had to wash her sheets anyway, ugh.
DH said he had a talk with her this morning and basically told her to knock it off or she wasn't going to like the consequences next time. She's old enough to know better and is potty trained. I'm going to sit back and see what he plans on doing.
I think BM doesn't know how
I think BM doesn't know how to parent. SD5 has always come home tired, grumpy, and whiney. I know BM has trouble being a parent because she's told me things like "I don't know how to get her to sleep before 11pm. She just cries and I can't get her to sleep!" ... She sleeps at 8pm by the latest at our house. She's told me "I couldn't get her to eat any vegetables so I give her those fruit gummies that have real vegetables in them every day"... I know she didn't even TRY to give her vegetables because SD5 will say "mommy doesn't have vegetables" all the time. She has trouble with basic parenting from putting her to sleep to getting her to eat real food. She doesn't even try... She just lets her eat junk and sleep when she wants and basically do what she wants.
She only goes there once or twice a year thankfully, so not too much damage done. It's just crappy when she gets home and we have to re-teach her simple things like peeing in a toilet or eating actual food :/
Yep! We have to "re-teach"
Yep! We have to "re-teach" SD a lot of basic things that we all know she knows how to do. When she drops her off after he visit, she will get her out of the car and physically carry her to the door and SD will have her thumb in her mouth the whole time while she is talking to a BM. I can't stand when she will try to talk to you with that damn thumb in her mouth the whole time. How BM can understand what she is saying is beyond me!
BM doesn't parent at her
BM doesn't parent at her house from what I have been told and from what I have seen.
She left that up to everyone else. OSD basically had to raise the younger 2 as BM was too busy partying or recuperating from hangovers.
Kids either had to fend for themselves or were always shuffled off to friend's or family every weekend they weren't here. Unless of course when she needed to be seen as MOTY.
Yet she was still able to PAS the skids raising them like this. I just don't understand. :? She blames everything else on SO and has the skids believing it, perhaps she blames her own life choices on him as well and has the skids believing this too.
I Can NOT put it in
I Can NOT put it in writing.
It is SO disgusting in nature.
It's that bad?
It's that bad?
Count your blessings that
Count your blessings that your experience is only that.
Being babied is not a bad thing in some circumstances.
In your situation if BM is not parenting that is never good for any child.
In my opinion and from what I
In my opinion and from what I have noticed with SD at 6 and a half, if BM won't let her grow up and babies her, that is affecting her not just at her house but everywhere. If she is physically feeding her there, she will never learn how to do it herself. Same with dressing and going to the bathroom and sleeping by herself. Like I said, I don't know how she is treated there but I would not put it past BM to still have her in a crib and high chair. I was wondering if anyone else here has actually witnessed and older kid being babied to that extent. I want to be able to tell myself that I am not just paranoid or if my feelings are correct.
From what I've seen and
From what I've seen and experienced when we still lived in the same city as BM, where at that time DH and BM worked at her family's business together, the woman tried to skate by with as little parenting at possible. BM cannot be bothered, inconvenienced with raising SD while working 20+ hours A WEEK. SD spends every weekend with BM's mom, so BM can recover from her 6 hour Friday shift before she goes back to work on Sunday for 6 hours. SD has always coslept with BM, but can't when mommy has "friends" over. She feeds her a steady diet of drive thru food and doesn't have time to involve SD in any extra curricular activities because "being a single mom is hard!"