When do you give up? BM has been an issue in our relationship since day one. At first I believed it was just the adjustment period for BF and he had to learn how to transistion from doing everything she says because she was once his wife, to understanding that his only obligation to her now is child related. I was patient. I gently pointed things out such as "it's not your responsibility to fix her garage door anymore...it's not your responsibility to hook up her wireless internet box even IF the kids need to use it...it's not any of her business where you are going this weekend or how things are between us...etc." I patiently sat by and explained that "co-parenting" does not mean she calls you EVERY day multiple times a day. It means you get on the same page about MAJOR issues in the kids lives. That you peacefully co-exist at their school and extra-curricular events, etc. I waited and waited and waited. And then I lost it. I reached my limit and I blew my top. I exploded. I told him he needed to emotionally divorce her. I told him his so called dislike of "confrontation" with her CAUSED confrontation between us. I wrote a poem that I THOUGHT clearly illustrated how I felt about our entire situation and I truly thought he knew that I had absolutely had it with his accomodating this woman. And yet, again today, he emails her about some dates that we need changed due to him going out of town and our vacation etc. She responded to his email that the date changes were fine, but could he PLEASE remind her ON the dates that we've asked that the boys stay a day extra with her to pick them up that day???? And he says "ok". WTF??? WE don't have to be reminded to get them when SHE makes changes. I lost it AGAIN and responded with this email to him:

"I do NOT agree with you “reminding her” to which you so quickly responded “ok”. She needs to be a big girl and put it on her calendar or put it in her phone. Have her boyfriend remind her. You are NOT her personal secretary. This email should be sufficient and you should let her know that although you appreciate her making the adjustments, you are NOT HER husband anymore and she is responsible for her OWN schedule. Let her know that yahoo (which is the mail service she uses) has a calendar AND a task list. You do not remind her when she has to be at class. You do not remind her of her appointments. And I do NOT agree with you acting as her personal reminder to get her OWN children. THIS is what pisses me off about you still “accommodating her”. Especially since on TWO of those dates you will be out of town on a business trip and Prima Donna STILL expects you to remind her???????? STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP catering to your EX WIFE!!!"

and then I offered a (at least what I thought) was a nicely worded response he could give her:

"And here is a non-confrontational, yet to the point email letting her know it is not your responsibility to remind her.

I just wanted to let you know that although I hastily said I would remind you, I just realized that I am out of town of both of those dates and will be quite busy with work, etc. which is why I asked for the changes in the first place. Therefore, I think the boys might be better served by you utilizing a reminder in your phone or utilizing the yahoo email reminder instead of relying on me, as you know I tend to be quite forgetful myself. Thanks again for accommodating those dates."

I know, I know, you are probably reading the email I sent to him and thinking what a bitch I am to him. I swear, I wasn't always this way. I just feel like I've been pushed over the edge with this lunacy about not standing up to her and letting her be responsible for HERSELF. Maybe I need a shrink. Or maybe I just need to accept that she will always pull his strings.