how do i deal with his ex for the next forever????
Hi i'm new and sooo in need of a good vent!! I am recently married to a good man, we have five kids together. Hi ex has been a problem since day one and continues to be. She contacts him at inappropriate times, knows no boundaries, acts as though I do not exist and when she does act like i exist she bad mouths me and my children to her children and new step children (she is remarried). Nevermind how bad it is for her new relationship that she goes and still harrasses my husband........
I tried ignoring it, stuffing it down etc. He's changed how he deals somewhat yet he's very polite to her and either ignores her constant texts or he speaks to her when he speaks to kids at night and she grabs the phone (which is her favorite). I've asked him to be more careful with it, to cut her off as soon as she begins to talk personal, yet he doesn't do it quick enough. Before you know it she's on and running about whatever her issue is that day.
bottom line is she wants him in the same capacity she had him for years when they were married except the romantic part. he does not want that, i have asked because if he did i'd be out of it long ago.
i'm just waring thin, and so very tired of the manipulation and constant tactics she uses. It's hard to blow it off I truly do try, yet wherever we are she's texting. When we got married she was texting, on our honeymoon she was texting, than when we landed. it's just never ending. I know in my heart she's a very sick person he knows it also. She has a whole lot of problems, yet he still stayed married to it for a very long time 14 years. she cheated on him and left him. yet my tree hugging nature is about done with the situation.
any thoughts????????????
He he....yeah ditch the hug
He he....yeah ditch the hug and get an ax. I don't know how old his kids are, but we ended up getting ours a cheap cell phone that she could call the kids on. If she calls on DH's phone, he just lets it go to VM. If she's not getting rewarded for phone calls, she'll stop making them.
It isn't that easy. wish it
It isn't that easy. wish it was. littlest one calls from home each night and mom grabs phone when she's done or in the middle of her talking to dad. that's just it he doens't seem to truly mind a whole lot, he's very laid back unlike me. he's like who cares?? me, i care!! lol.
I agree, whole heartedly i
I agree, whole heartedly i truly do. Yet I tried that years ago and it blew up badly. she ran to kids told them horrible things about both him and I. His oldest doesn't come to house due to her talking badly about us. it's a bad thing. you truly can't understand this woman unless you meet her. she is needy, insecure, a mess in general. i personally do not think she belongs parenting 24/7. she blows up horribly also at them. when i ask him to change his approach i'm berrated stating i'm being controlling. either way i'm screwed.
he's also afraid if he cuts her off once she goes personal she'll tell kids how dad doesn't want to talk to me anymore adn kids will be upset. lol.
I can see why he feels you
I can see why he feels you are being controlling. You seem to want to control her behavior and the way that he reacts to her behavior. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of a response.
His "who cares" would be a BIG deal for me. That would show me that he's not affected by her nonsense. I think you should really try and follow his lead.
My SO's ex is childish. I really think her mind stopped functioning as a teen or younger with some of the things she tries to pull. I have noticed that SO will catch himself if he starts to get worked up over her antics. He told me that he sees a satisfied smug look on her face when he is engaging in battles with her and that helps reel him in for the moment.
Good luck to you!
His Phone is turned off and
His Phone is turned off and if she needs somthing she texes you only, he now is on the road and can not be bothered, she knows what she is doing do not let her keep control over him, she needs to see your incharge now.
great idea, another great
great idea, another great idea. he can't due to his work. we have to have it on 24/7. i dont' think there's anyway out of this other than me learning to cope thru it better. blow it off maybe, laugh at it if possible. i just dont' know. yet it's getting me bigtime.
it isnt' a real jealousy issue for me. i know he'd never leave me. it's her thinking she still has the right to do what she's doing that gets me horribly bad. like i simply do not exist. no respect for us at all, our marriage, nothing.
she worked hard for years to break us up, it didn't work. so our marriage occured. yet it occured with her texting that night, and than while we were on vacation regarding an over dramatic kid and not a life threatening thingn at all. than as soon as we landed back in the states, with did you get back safely?? oh wow i'm soo not a violent woman but let me tell you i have had dreams of beating her lol. seriously i have!!!
Hmm, well my husband also has
Hmm, well my husband also has to have his phone on due to work 24/7. And I get it now that SD is with Mom so when she calls so you can't even block her number. How old is SD? If she over 10 then I wonder what her feelings are about BM grabbing the phone? Does she protest? I wish I had more help for you but it sounds as if DH isn't encouraging and is trying to get off phone quickly, just hope she finds another man to torture....I gotta feel for you.
we had similar problems in
we had similar problems in the beginning. what we found the most effective was switching to email only. we were being harassed by bm, it was extremely unpleasant. she would call three or four times a day, hang up and call back over and over, yell, scream, cry about their long over dating relationship, her personal problems, sex life etc. - she never wanted to speak to kiddo, just argue with H. So we simply told her that we would not answer her calls and if she had anything she wanted to say regarding visitation that she should email us and we gave her our email address. we blocked her number, stopped returning voicemails and texts and it worked like a charm - life is much more peaceful and what little constructive communication there is is much more effective. most people have a tendency to watch what they say more when it is written and recorded.
YOU text her back. Just say
YOU text her back. Just say "DH is busy, can I help you with something?" If you do that a few times, I'll bet she won't text as often. My husband's ex used to call all the time. I started answering the phone every single time she called.
She started calling the kids' cellphones, talking to them, and then asking is she could "talk to daddy real quick". I took the cell phone and simply said that dad wasn't available, but that I would be happy to give him a message.
Sounds exactly like my
Sounds exactly like my hubby... i always tell him that HE created that monster by letting her walk all over him for years.. now in my hubby's case BM would try to make his life hell if he didn't do just exactly what she wanted.. but I can say in the last couple of years he has gotten better about putting his foot down and just saying NO... and realizing that his kids are still going to love him and she'll find someone else to torture... she does the whole cell thing to.... just calls over and over and over until hubby finally flips out and answers or if she doesn't get an answer after 42 calls she'll leave a nasty message... I wish we could send all of these knuckleheads back to the planet they came from.. ugh!