Hi need advice PLEEEASE!!
Hi
My partners child has been told by the bio mum that the said child can go on a school trip OVERSEAS!!! This is not something the bio mum can afford alone but without speaking to the childs father (my partner) about this she has told the child (14years) that they can go.
The child has managed to get some financial help towards the trip from her fathers parents, as they had stated some time ago that they would help with the childs first overseas trip once they had finished school, unfortunately the child has forgotten all about the last part of what was said and has just ran with "they will pay" Now no one wants to be the one to let the child down, so the bio mum and grandparents are trying to scrap the funds together while adding pressure to my partner to contribute. This is something we can not afford. There are two children in this family (both from my partners previous marriage) yet only one is getting a LOT of money spent on them, one child goes to public school (their choice)but the child going on this trip is the youngest and also goes to an expensive private school which bio mum and us go halves in the fees (both parties are behind in those payments at the moment)We are all under financial strain, including the grandparents who thought they had a few years not weeks before they were to help finance an overseas trip for their grandchild.
I am at the moment trying to keep my mouth shut as I have said what I think about the situation but it resulted in an argument, so now I am trying my best to stay out of it, however it is getting very difficult indeed. There needs to be a deposit put down and it is non refundable, so if the full amount is not raised the deposit is lost. Bio mum has asked the grandparents to put this deposit down as she cant afford to, they are concerned as I am about if she cant afford a smallish portion now how on earth is she to come up with the balance?
My partner is the type to put his head in the sand and hope it all works out for the best and when it doesn't he becomes most upset and doesn't know what to do, which is when he turns to me and I foolishly always find someway of solving the situation. I have however said that this time I wont be helping, if my advice is not being heard now then don't come to me when it all falls apart. All good in theory but when it comes down to it I am not sure I will be able to just throw my hands in the air and tell him to work it out for himself. I am worried VERY worried that money will be taken from our needs and the needs of his children BOTH children to fund this ridiculous trip.
Help please!!! Am I being unreasonable? I thought these sorts of trips are for rich kids or for those who are old enough to have worked hard and saved harder and paid for themselves, am I nuts?
I realise now that my issue
I realise now that my issue is really nothing compared to some of the other posts on here. Geez I don't know what I would do if I had some of the issues others are facing.
I feel I should had that my issue is an ongoing issue, with one thing or another we discuss things make a plan and agree, then time goes by and for one reason or another things change and my partner changes the agreement we have made, then I am the bad guy for not just going with the flow and being understanding, yet I am the one who gets us out of all the messes made and he looks good and feels better, but this time we are not just talking about messed up plans or me being let down or even a few extra dollars here or there, or even a few hundred dollars, this time it's thousands and I'm honestly really worried.
I don't understand why he cant just say to BIO mum, you said yes so you must be able to afford it all, but she cant we know that for a fact she is behind in lots of bills also, but because she is the one who said yes, he doesn't want it to look like he is the one saying no. I think it's insane an overseas trip for a teenager???????? None of us are rich!!!!! Am I being unreasonable?
Sorry should also add there
Sorry should also add there are no custody orders or parenting agreements all just whatever she says basically. Although he was gaining some ground and saying no to her here and there but with this?? I feel he has gone back to his old ways. I understand not wanting to disappoint your children gee I have two of my own (now grown) but it's part of life isn't it? And if he was asked by the child or even her mother he would have said straight "it's not something I can afford" but because she has said yes to the child and the child is excited he doesn't want to let her down. GRRRRRR
Bm told the child she could
Bm told the child she could go... So bm needs to come upmwith the money herself, or tell sd she can't go. Not your dh or his parents or your problem. Can you talk to mil or fil and tell them not to pay the deposit??
If BM can't pay, SD can't go.
If BM can't pay, SD can't go. It's a good life lesson... only paying for things you can afford. What kind of lesson does it teach her to just give her the money? That if she asks that money will magically appear? Besides, it's good for kids to hear "no" sometimes.
Thank you ALL so very much, I
Thank you ALL so very much, I couldn't agree with you all more. However I seem to be the only one in this messed up family who thinks this is crazy. DH doesn't see an issue with it, even though he knows no one has any money to come up with the total amount. He is proud that his child wants to work and earn the money to go on this trip, she cant work cos she's too young!!!! He has told his child that he will give up smoking and save that money to put towards trip, now this was only just said on Sunday BUT come Tuesday when he had no smokes left he bought another packet!!! When I looked at him 'funny' he became nasty and defensive "I'll do it my way when I'm ready!" he snapped I reminded him that I'm not the one he made the promise to, I'm not the one who he made the deal with. So i'm not the one who is putting up with the frustration now.
This is what I am talking about he makes promises and agreements then goes back on them feels guilty about it and then turns his frustration towards me. Thanks again all very much