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Bedroom Arrangements

anonymous1306's picture

I'm really not sure if i'm being out of order here however at the moment my stepdaughter shares a room with my daughter. We have her for 2 nights a fortnight, and have recently been mentioning us maybe moving house for more bedrooms and possibly another child between us (both our kids are with other people). So we have the discussion tonight about our budget and my partner mentions that we'd need a 4 bedroom, and we couldn't afford that. I said well we only need a 3 bedroom as both our kids are girls and can share and then the baby would have their own room while it awakes and if it's a girl then they can share with whoever and we'd sort it out at a later date. He comes out with well no we'd need a 4 bed so my daughter has her own room, or we need a 3 bedroom and we don't have another baby. Don't get me wrong I completely understand why he would want his daughter to have her own room and space HOWEVER i do think it's pretty unreasonable to have a permanent room for a child who we only have 2 nights a fortnight and would sit empty the rest of the time? His argument is that the situation could change at any point and he has her more - but my problem is I don't want to plan around something which may or may not happen or make a whole room for a child who lives somewhere else when she could easily just share with my daughter like she does now (and loves sharing with her aswell). I get as they get older they may want their own space HOWEVER her primary residence is with her mum no matter how my partner tries to say this is her home (and it is when she's with us, but her primary residence is with her mum whether he likes it or not). I just feel like our life is permanently on hold for him to decide whether he wants her 50/50 or not, he always talks about it but never seems to actually do it which personally as a mum if i could, you can bet i'd have done it already. But then I feel mean for saying the facts of she doesnt live her, and isnt a permanent fixture in our HOUSEHOLD (not family - as she is obviously but living arrangements she isn't). I dont want it to come across the wrong way when I tell him i'm not arranging my life for something which may never happen.

caninelover's picture

Honestly I would try to get a 4 bedroom.  SD having her own space will definitely make things easier as the kids all get older.

Generally it is better to get a bit more space than you think you need today, unless this house will only be a couple of years.  Just my two cents.

ESMOD's picture

Lots of families have same sex kids sharing rooms.. their entire childhood.  If the arrangement is working for your daughter and his.. it's not like you are asking her to share.. but not your daughter... they both are sharing the space and I am assuming that SD has her own room at mom's now.. so both kids share a little bit of the time and both have private rooms the rest.

Now, if you could have a 4th bedroom as a "wish list" item.. but not a deal breaker.. maybe that would be good.  It would be nice for the kids to have their own space.. and the extra room could function as guest room when not used by skid.

caninelover's picture

The baby grows up, and will have their own (probably unshared) rom while the two girls will continue to share (even just a couple of nights).  I think it sets up resentment for a favored bio kid vs the other kids.

Of course if a 4 bedroom is simply not affordable then they have to make do, but if possible a 4 bedroom makes more sense.

ESMOD's picture

Sure... the 4 bedroom should be the wish list item for their realtor... but in the end.. if these kids are going to be a decent amount older than the baby.. well.. it still makes sense for them to share vs having one of them share with an infant or child much younger... if there truly is no 4 br available in their price range.

But, they should definitely seek that out if at all possible.. or alternately a home with a extra large bonus room size bedroom they could compartmentalize into two private spaces for the older girls.

 

hereiam's picture

Agree with ESMOD about a guest room, the 4th bedroom doesn't have to be just SD's room, since she only comes twice a month.

However, if you can't afford a 4 bedroom, you can't afford it. I would never overextend, or stretch my finances/budget to the limit, for an extra room that will hardly be used.

 

 

Rags's picture

A visiting kid only in the home 4 nights a month is not a resident.  A guest room is all that is needed.  If his and yours are there occasionally at the same time, a trundle bed in the guest room is all that is needed.  Full time residents get priority of rooms.