He's out of my house
DH is using pills and alcohol again. I took him to the ER this week per his request. He said he thought about death a lot.
His moods are all over the map with several new psychiatric medications, in addition to the usual ones.
He's literally lovely one moment and then screaming the next.
BM called me because he would not take her calls. He wrote her a text saying he couldn't take the kids this weekend and it was a grave matter. He also said he didn't know when he would be able to see them again and it might be a while.
Well I would have freaked out too! BM called everyone she could think of including me. I answered. Told her he's not dead or dying, no surgery just in a really bad place and should be with the kids this weekend.
It was his son's birthday and BM flipped. She has to break the news to the kids that daddy's not coming again.
Now she's threatening legal action and I think she should! She should have taken action years ago.
DH is addicted to narcotic pills and is going to start a suboxone treatment plan for cessation. He can't shake it on his own. That's a long and painful road and I have had enough verbal abuse and neglect.
We agreed he would move out, back to his mattress on the floor at his daddy's.
He suggested we 'date' again. Yes, we are married...but he wants to 'date' again. The ground rules are: monogamy and emotional fidelity as well as communication during the day. He screamed, "NO ACCOUNTABILITY!" He made it clear I was not allowed to ask if he's drinking, using pills, where he is and what he's doing. STRANGE.
He said he needs a break from the responsibility and expectations. So I pulled out a blank sheet of paper and said, 'tell me the things you do around the house that I will now need to do since you won't be here." *crickets* with the exception of 'move this heavy thing or reach that for me', there was NOTHING.
He contributed $0 to utilities this month so I will reimburse myself for those from the very last of the mutual account. The utilities are ALL in my name, always have been. I also pay for our phones so I will let him know what his costs every month and try and find a separate plan for a good deal.
He's in a bad place and I was going down the drain with him. Today I feel lighter and like there is hope again. I am going to my counselor and am going to get an anti-depressant for now.
DH said the loving apart is for the purpose of regaining our marriage and coming back together stronger.
Help me ladies....even if that fairy tale happens, there are still skids and a beast of an ex-wife that I don't want in my life. (Not without massive changes that I don't think my husband can make.)
Doesn't sound like much to
Doesn't sound like much to fight for and not once did you mention that you love him.
I don't think "no accountability" is something he should be demanding and the "dating" doesn't sound like a good idea, at least at this point. I know you guys are married but there is a reason addicts should not date in the beginning of their recovery.
The time apart will tell you a lot.
He must think very highly of
He must think very highly of himself. Who would want to date and have sex with a man that uses drugs, drinks like a fish, and bows out of life because it's just too hard? My girly parts would dry up like the desert. I'm all for "in sickness and in health" but it sounds like he wants to be able to do whatever he wants and that you should just shut the hell up about it. Hell no.
http://www.chumplady.com/2016
http://www.chumplady.com/2016/09/happy-birthday-chump-lady-3/
Read this. I love this lady. I found her due to infidelty and I find her to be awesome. her site is called Leave a Cheater, Gain A Life. Yes I know you don't have a cheater but you do need to Gain A Life. I think you should read her column from today. You deserve so much more. I think you should leave your marriage
Look into filing for legal
Look into filing for legal separation once he's out. That way, you'll have NO ACCOUNTABILITY! for any debts he acquires while he's working on sobriety.
He needs to work on himself
He needs to work on himself before he can work on your marriage. Hopefully he gets the help that he needs.
I would be supportive but not too supportive. I would focus more on my life and getting my act together.
You might want to be careful
You might want to be careful with the mood changes he has. You might want to give Law Enforcement a "heads up". Doesn't mean you have to take any legal action, just report the instability to them and keep track of any odd events and report them.
You are doing the right thing for yourself. It is difficult, but it will get easier. I went thru similar events with my first divorce. It will be better!
As someone else said, get a
As someone else said, get a legal separation and distance yourself from him while he works this out.
You don't have to file for divorce but you do have to protect yourself, financially, emotionally and even physically.
I have a friend who was with a guy who had a cocaine problem back in the late 80's. She'd been at work and came home to find his dealer hanging him off the balcony 20 floors up!
He pulled the guy in and demanded the money from her. She was terrified and gave him what she had in her purse. She and the guy broke up shortly after that, in fact he went to jail.
The dealer kept showing up at her apartment, demanding payment from her for the exboyfriends debt. She went to the cops and there wasn't anything they could do unless they were able to catch him threatening her. She move and eventually felt safe.
I don't know where your DH gets his drugs from but those guys don't care where the money comes from, they just want to be paid.
Wow lady - I'm glad I'm not
Wow lady - I'm glad I'm not in your shoes,
seriously Hon, now that you disengage from the skids you sit with this man being an idiot.
Couple of suggestions, first block the BM from contacting you, she has no right, she can try and contact her X all by herself, also skids are not your problem, BM can deal with that all on her own.
DH is moving out to get clean, good for him, but make it a legal separation, and make it clear DH has to get help this time, obviously he can't do it on his own. Seems like you can look after yourself, keep on doing it and keep record of your bills and if the house is in your name, fine, if not and only in DH's name, you really need to keep record of the bond payments you are making, this can only help you in the future.
You are a strong woman you will get through this, but legal separation is the best for now and probably what DH needs to get his act together