help.. I need lots of it!
Ok I am new here and kinda might understand the abbriviations used.. until I am sure I will just spell it out.
I have 2 step kids (almost 13 and 11) that live here.
My problem is that I have been told over and over and over to "love them like they are yours", "treat them like they are yours", and "you are not their mother", "you are only a step mother, dont try to take the mother role".. all seem to be contradicting to me..
My step kids mother has never been consistant in visitations, but when the kids know they are going over to her house they will just stop talking to me, walk around me and roll their eyes when I say something to them. But the minute they get back they will trash talk her and her house.. they have always been told they have the option to say no about going to her house, custody not defined, just times and places they agree).
When they are at her house for any lenght of time they will call my husbands work and not the house because they want to avoid talking to me or my kids (their brother and sister).
How am I suppose to "love them like they are mine" if they treat me like crap because they are going there or are there?
The boy (almost 13) has made it very clear that he does not want me to talk to him period, he wants his mom to do his shopping, help with homework, have birthday parties for him, and generally cound on her .. she wont, she never has and I dont see it happening anytime soon, he refuses to speak to me, if I ask if he is hungry, what he wants to eat, if he needs anything washed, what happened at school, if he wants to go to a hockey game, where he wants to go on vaca.. anything he will look at me with this blank stare, when he does talk more chances than not it is a lie.. I dont say it lightly, it is something he has proven over the past 8 yrs, the last 2 have been horrible.
Ok so I guess I dont have to defend myself..lol.. so use to that... there are sooo many posts in my future.. almost 10 yrs of frustration and finally somewhere to put it!
how am I suppose to handle how they treat me when she is around or they are goin to her house?
I dont think it is ok that I am fine as long as she isnt around, but the minute she is going to be around I am not even good enough to talk to.
BM is always the victim..
BM is always the victim.. she will trash me and my husband anytime she gets, to anyone who will listen. She has put memories in the kids heads, they were both under 2 and dont actually remember their parents being married.
She even told them that she was still married to their dad when me and him started dating, she told them that if me and their dad wouldnt have had kids together then him and her would be back together, she spent 2 yrs when they were 3 and 4 convincing them I pulled their hair and hit them, even if they said no she wouldnt take that for an answer, till they just agreed.
She is your classic anti social personality, narssasistic person.. and the sad thing is is that before I met her ex husband I was friends with her and her family, I have not changed the kind of person I am, but I suddenly became the enemy..I do not want or need her drama or the drama that she pushes on her kids.. I have my own ex to deal with
btw.. this is the best website on the internet.. I finally feel like I have somewhere to go with all the frustation and crap.. I just might keep my sanity afer all!!!!
confused68.. I have been
confused68.. I have been reading and reading and I agree with you.. I thought I backed out, but I didnt. Their mom not only expects but demands we buy them everything.. its like her responsiblity for them is getting them when it suits her needs.. and her 50 a wk in support covers everything, when we get it.
I have tried to say before that my hubs and his ex are the ones responsible for their kids.. they are not mine, they are theirs.. but still find myself feeling forced into getting them things or doing things for them...
I do not work outside of the home, as if being a mom to everyone isnt enough I babysit kids during the day, my husband works odd hours, tonight he might not be home before the kids go to bed the rest of the week he should be home by 6 it just depends.. anyways I feel like I am stuck with his kids all the time.. I try not to resent them.. read my other post and you will see what I mean.. there are alot of issues goin on and being built up for almost 10 yrs with no where or no one to vent to..
I wish BM would take them and move 5 states away! hope that dont make me a horrible person for saying that.. but how much crap can one person put up with?/