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scared6448's picture

Submitted by scared6448 on Wed, 09/07/2011 - 6:59pm

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I have been in a long distance relationship for 5 months. He is a wonderful man and we have had a very healthy, slow progressing 5 moonths. I recently met his ex wife and 3 children for the first time in an arranged, dually consented "meeting" over lunch. She showered me with gifts, ttok me shopping, told me how perfect I was for her Ex etc... I was blown away but pleasantly surprised. Does she have alterior motives??? I am worried!!

joanie's picture

Submitted by joanie on Wed, 09/07/2011 - 7:36pm

she wants you on her side...

bm in my case I've only met in person once, but she was exceedingly friendly. The Mister later told me it was because "she can see that your money is worth a smile"...I think more like she wants me to like her, so in disputes I'd be more on her side of things. Doesn't work that way.

Just be polite, don't trust too much or go out of your way to "help" her. Being friendly with an ex's new SO DOES happen, just not that often without ulterior motives.

Amazedstepmom's picture

Submitted by Amazedstepmom on Wed, 09/07/2011 - 9:32pm

I had a great relationship with husbands ex for 3 years without any problems, etc until my DH and I took all the kids to Disney...now I am the evil spawn. I don't think everyone has an ulterior motive, I think the opinions on here may be a little biased becuase people that are living like the Brady Bunch don't seek out a forum to vent regaring SK/BM. Good luck, keep your guard up just a little but really it is best for the kids when all the parental influences get along.
I just attended a party this past weekend that included, my sister, her ex-h, my brother in law and his ex wife and ex mother in law, and my sisters ex mother and father in law. Great time for the kids. 2 of the kids are in the military and when they are home, they never have to choose between family events or their parents because they do everything as a group.
Good luck and I hope it works out.

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Thu, 09/08/2011 - 1:42am

As much as I hate crazy witch, I have to say that I do not believe everyone has ulterior motives. If DH and I ever divorced, I know that I would want to be as nice as possible to the woman who will probably end up doing most of the parental duties for my son when I am not around. That's just me. Not sure why some idiot women do the opposite actually...but they do. Just keep your guard up, but be nice as long as she's nice. Don't share everything with her, but be nice.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Thu, 09/08/2011 - 8:59am

I would be very skeptical of her motives....BM's very rarely turn out to be this nice without an ulterior motive. Good luck...Ours was nice until I moved in and had expectations of rules and structure for her kids. Then all hell broke loose.