he is starting to resent me and I am resenting him cause of it.
It wasn't always this way. We used to get on really well – I couldn’t believe my lucky stars. He’s 11. I moved in with his father about 3 months ago and gradually the resentment has built up. He started not saying hello to me when he came in. His dad would never say anything to him. I have always given them space to be on their own together, he has him every Wednesday evening and Saturday, Sunday and goes home Sunday night. I am usually out somewhere all day Saturday or if not, I am out on the Saturday evening. I also stay out the way on a Wednesday evening too. They do get time alone, but more often then not when I am not there they are both doing their own thing. His son prefers to be on his x-box with his friends out with them playing in the field. So I don’t get what I am doing wrong?? I can’t always be out when he is over, its my home too now.
We have done stuff all three of us, meals etc. It’s just lately he has started to try to compete with me and make it obvious he doesn’t want me around. To make matters worse his dad now seems in a bad mood cause of it – great, that means I have two people resenting me now. I love his Dad and we get along well but how do I cope with the feeling of hostility coming from the direction of his son, just because I love his dad??
(To add details - he has always been on his own with his dad, this is his dad's first relationship for four or five years when his mum went off with another man.)
just want to say also that he
just want to say also that he is included in everything we do. We are even going on our first holiday abroad this year and his son is coming with us, which i suggested cause I knew otherwise my OH would be feeling too guilty to go. Whenever it is a bank holiday weekend it is automatically assumed that his son is staying ALL weekend, including the Monday so we don't even get a break then.
The other night i suggested he takes him home 1/2 hour earlier on a sunday night because he normally takes him home at around 8.30 pm. Son lives half an hour away so by the time OH gets back it's straight to bed for us with no downtime. OH was fine with it (so he said) but I could tell he was worried about telling his son and in the end he lied to him and said that he had to go into work!!!!!!!!!!!! :jawdrop:
Thank you for your reply Tog.
Thank you for your reply Tog. I guess I am going have to do what I avoided and that is to talk about it with OH. SS is very spoilt and has always seemed to have ruled the roost where his Dad is concerned. My OH is very placid and non-confrontational. He avoids talking about stuff like this, but I agree that it is going to get worse. I feel very depressed and tearful as I know their kids are the most important to them and I know that us as partners come second so ultimately his son has the power to break us
well I ended up blowing up,
well I ended up blowing up, not quite the way I wanted things to go but I got my point across. He said that he honestly hadn't noticed that his son is off with me but will be having a man to man talk with him to see what is wrong and to tell him that there will be changes as I am living there now. He said "trust me, he is my son and I love him to bits but I am not going to let him come between us. I am in a relationship with you not him and he will have to deal with it". Fingers crossed for me. I can still see his guilt getting in the way if his son gets upset and says he's not coming anymore.
But I also think his father
But I also think his father should reassure him that he has no need to feel threatened by my living at the house as I am not a threat to their relationship. I think it is that point that I most want him to make. I don't want to tell him what to say to him but I think he should say that he loves us both but in different ways and one doesn't substitute the other. I don't want him to just tell him off as that won't achieve anything and like you say will probably make him worse.