getting worst with Step daughters
My BF and I have been together for 6 years engaged for 3 years. My BS and live with me. His BD (13 and 16) live with their BM. The remationship between MY BF, Me and SDs has been going downhill ever since I came into my BF's life. We had bought a house together 3 years ago large enough for all kids. The Older SD never came. The yonger came until August 2012 and tells my BF that she nolonger wishes to come. My BF became despret and got an aparment close to where the SD and BM leave inorder to save his relationship with them. The SD had one condition that I or my BS don't move in with my BF.
I supported him and it has been 4 month that we are living apart. We thought that they may be happy about it but it got worst. The younger SD and I saw eachother every other weekend and we were cordial to eachother until she refused to come to out house. Now I don't see her at all and She diesn't want to see me anymore thanks to her BM brainwashing. The olderone now flatout tells him that if he continues his relationship with me that she will loose contact with him.
In the past My BF used to take me their school funtions and the older SD used to have attitude but tolerated me. Since last 4 months, She told him that she diens't want me around at all.
Last Saturday, My Bf took me to one of her school funtions, She saw us and told him that now she wont speak to him again. My BF refuses to hide me as he thinks that it will not help the situation. Bad enough he moved out of our house but now they don't even want to me even visting him in his apratment on the weekends that he doesn't have them.
I donot interfere at all on the weekends and weekday he has his girls as I concentrate on my BS. Even then, They continue to give him hard time becasue they know that he is still with me.
Is there anyway now to get the older SD and the yonger one to change their mind and atleast tolerate me? I know that the BM is no help and makes them feel bad abd guilty about everything. She has a poor me attitude and constantly tells the girls that hteir father left them for me and my boys. seems like nothing pleases them. I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't think like his ex wife or his daughter so i am confused. My Father also left my Mom and remarried but I never wanted to hurt my Dad and wanted him to be happy with whoever he was. I was 16 at that time. Please help. They flat out tell him they hare him and Me. I have not been mean to them in anyway
I think I responded on your
I think I responded on your other post. I agree with the above poster. these girls are teens-in a few more years they will totally be out on their own living their own lives and your dh will be ALONE. Is that we he wants? Is he really going to sacrifice his relationship with you in order to have this half assed one with them for the next couple of years? If he is willing to do this, then you need to move on and find someone who values a relationship with you.
10gallonhat, Knowing them,
10gallonhat, Knowing them, They will not contact him and wornt speak to him until maybe when they grow up and learn what their mother has done. He is so afraid to loose them. Especially, becasue their Mother has done a number on them. She tells them to hate their father and me and she leaves them anywhere and goes out. the older daugher is on probation for underage drinking twice. They never told my BF. He found out few months ago. The youer one had thoughts of suiside recenly and she is in therepy. He thinks he is the only sane parent who can rescue them but they are not leeting him and the mother interferes big time. She in deniel and thinks her girls are OKand blames him for everything. Should he just move back in or try to help them. He is a parent and just want to turn his head away from them.
The younger one doesn't tell
The younger one doesn't tell him anything. she just tells him that she hates him BF abandoned them. IT is not her words. It is the Mother's who told that to them. The younger one actually told the phsocologist that "I am nice to her". She has gone so beyond disrespectful that. He bought them cell phones years ago so that they can call him. they don't contact him. They use the data on the phone like it is no tommorow. When he tells them toe be careful with the usage. They make nasty remarks at him telling him that "Oh you are saving money for your girlfriend" Just a back ground, He is paying more htne half if his salary to the BM. I am independent and take care of my own finances. He is barely making ends meet on his own. Then he is afraid to shut the poned becasue he thinks that they are in a fagile state. It is no win situation
You want us to tell you what
You want us to tell you what to do to make these girls like you and I don't think you're getting the answers you want. This is not about you; this about your Bf's daughters being able to manipulate him and your BF enabling them to do it. It wouldn't matter to them if it's you or any other woman; they have him by the short and curlies.
Whoever said emotional blackmail is dead on. My SD was the same way. She lived with us and any time she didn't get what she wanted from DH, she'd threaten to go live with her mother. Dh would give in any time. Results? By 18, 2 pregnancies, 2 abortions, 1 destroyed vehicle, multiple truancies and every man she was having sex with had a criminal record. And Dh was still giving in to her every demand. I threw her out of the house; almost got divorced. And I firmly believe if DH had shown some backbone, the situation could've been so much different.
Your BF has got to make up his mind-is he going to be a man or a rug b/c those girls are walking all over him. he has got to stop giving into their demands. He is not doing them any favors by doing what they want him to do; he is destroying his life and yours.
The only choice you have to make is do you stay and tolerate it or do you look for something better.
Catmom, I seems like that.
Catmom, I seems like that. He tells them that she is part of my life but it is talk. He left me and then told me that there were two reason he was moving out, his daugters and our issues. Our issues were becasue of his daughters. My heart bfokr when he decided to take his daughter's to his parents for Easter 2012 and left Ma and my sons home becasue his daughters didn't want us there. We have been going to his parents house for couple of years. He did the same thing to me during Christmas. We had an arguement and he left me home alone the entire christmas and took his daughter to the family and celebrated. I was home alone for 4 days. I know the only reason they are with him during that time is becasue of presents.they are horrible. I am so tired of this and still was trying to see if i can fix it. Guys, One of the reason I keep on trying is becasue he treats me great on the weekend we are alone without his kids. He is looking to for answers on everything. He tells me to write up txts messages for him to hs daugther in a fasion that they may understand. But it is not going anywhere. He moved out in September and hasnot done a thing to fix it. I am getting so sick and upset. I just need to move on.
your DH moved out of your
your DH moved out of your house to rent a flat closer to skids and BM- WTH?! And you thought that was a good idea. Unless you are owning up to being total bitch (which Im sure your not)then why would you allow that to happen?!Doing this makes it look as though DH agress that you are a bad person to have aeround them, You have nothing to hide from and living apart for the sake of bratty kids is not how a marraige should work.Secondly, skids are dictating to your DH over the conditions of your reationship, when you can and cannot see each other? HELL NO. Both of you need to sit the skids down and tell them that you will not be dictatied to by them, if they dont want to have anything to do with DH after that then thats on them but like other poste have said when they grow up and DH is divorced in his little apartment alone, then he will be the one suffering over their selfish ness wi=hich is compltly unfounded. I personally would tell your DH move your ass back in with your wife or move out for good becasue this is your life too NOT just his and his brat kids
You guys have given some
You guys have given some pretty good advice. I have stuck around for couple of reasons. One reason is becasue he makes me feel guilty about a fight we had 5 years ago infront of the kids. He says that is the reason, the older one isn't coming around. The fight was between my DH and me and had nothing to do with them. The second reason is becasue I am kind of person that will help when someone asks for help. He keeps on making decisions based on other people and when it doesn't work out, he comes back to me and askes me for help. When he openly told them that they should accept me, I thought I owe it to him to help him. He had moved out already and rest is history. Thanks all for your help. I will see sunshine one day.
Don't ever feel guilty for
Don't ever feel guilty for some thing that happened 5tears ago.it takes 2 people to argue and he as their parent should be responsible for shielding them from arguments.i understand your personality that you help people that ask for it,that's good but know when you're being taken advantage off! What about YOU and your marraige?!
The minute BF let them start
The minute BF let them start making demands he helped create the monsters. They should have been politely told to mind their own business. He is a wimp and now they are going to run all over you both. This should not be allowed. If he allows it, it is on him 100%
Your words: "I am getting so sick and upset. I just need to move on."
Yes darlin, that's exactly what you need to do.
Can you agree to sell the house? Can you afford to buy him out? Can he buy you out? It sounds like it is time for you to move on to a real man who can commit to you. He doesn't sound like that man. If he hasn't got them straightened out by now, he never will. He is a bad prospect for future happiness.