So first I should start I am not legally a step father, I have however been a part of this family for almost three years now. Living with for two. Mainly this is just a first time I have ever reached out or tried talking to anyone about my family and really do just feel like venting.

First just the family. My girlfriend had 2 boys with her ex-husband. Boy are 11 and 10 now. Mother is in the military and is gone over half of the year and has been at deployable units for the past 7 years or so. In comes Grandma, she was who watched the kids while their mother was deployed or at work for most of those seven years which is wonderful that she had someone to help out.

Second the good. The boys have come a long way in three years I have known them. When I first started dating their mother and met them they did nothing for themselves. Would sit in front of the T.V in the living room and scream upstairs for their mom to get them a glass of water when they were way closer to the kitchen. They would do this with everything and god forbid you tell the youngest one no to something he asked for, it was a tantrum like you just broke his favorite toy, after telling him his dog died, and that santa wasn't real all at once. All that from one little word "no". Turns out over the last five years or so when the Grandma was with them alone she did everything for them and I mean everything. The oldest didn't cry he screamed and I mean screamed at you. I'm 28 at the time having a 9 year old scream at me to shut up because he did something wrong and was in trouble. Believe it or not he was way worse at it with his mom and grandma. I mean this kid would just unleash on them at least three to four times a week about something. At 8 and 9 the boys knew how to put cloths on but only if you picked something out for them to wear, knew what chores were but couldn't figure out which way to point a windex bottle, was scared to do anything on their own and would ask for an adult to do everything for them even pouring milk in their cereal. Most of this has changed, they have chores mind you they are kids and try to get away with a quick half-butt jobs a lot, I can tell them no and it not be a big deal the youngest is still a bit of a dramatic little guy so he has the pouty face perfected but a hell of a lot better than a tantrum, and the oldest does not fly off the handle well not with the adults anyway. The progress they have made in these areas of their lives has been really nice to see and actually makes me feel pretty proud of them. There is more good but I will end here for now.

The Bad. The grandma has never and will never see those kids as her grandkids. In her mind they are hers and she knows what is best for them. I tried be understanding to this for a long time, understanding that she did take care of them for a long time. I guess I was hoping she would let up. It has been three years of her just randomly showing up at the house, at boys tae kwon do, at boys cub scouts. Wouldn't call would just show up. Hell she will not do a change of address so that her mail goes to her house, just so she has a reason to come over. She will argue with my girlfriend right in front of the boys about how she disagreed with their mom and would allow them to do exactly what my girl asked her not to. She has to know everything about the boys life and schedule which also means mine sadly because if I have work or something to do then she has to come be with the boys until I get home while my girl is deployed. It is tiring though because she finds reasons to just show up and quiz me constantly about what the boys are doing, are they going to this or that, how are they doing in school, did I know about this appointment or this thing, she will call just to "make sure I took the trash to the curb" which is ridiculous on it's own but the real reason for this is the seven other questions she has about the boys. My girlfriend has spoken with her and she just lies through her teeth or says she understands just to stop the conversation. I have caught her in a lie and she turned it on the kids saying they were the ones lying. That has happened a couple of times. Sadly that is a behavior that has rubbed off on the youngest one. That kid can not admit when he has made a mistake, will not admit that he messed up. Getting him to apologize is a twenty minute session of him trying to talk himself out of being in trouble in which he constantly contradicts himself because he is trying so hard not to say he was wrong and that he made a mistake. It's always his brothers fault, or he didn't understand the hard task I ask him to do (like don't get up from the table while eating), or I never told him a hundred times not to do it, I really think he tries to lie to himself. The youngest can not sit still or quiet. One of my consequences for him once because he couldn't sit still because he wanted to be in everyones face because he went 10 minutes without attention was me giving him what he wanted all the attention in the world. I picked him up and carried him around the house. Two minutes of not being able to move and this kid is screaming that I am hurting him and that he can't breath and that he's dizzy. I was carrying him like a baby so none of this was true but the tears and fear were real to him. Literally not moving for two minutes sent this kid into a panic. I can't play board games, watch movies, do anything that requires sitting still or sitting quiet with them. The oldest isn't so bad with the moving but can be just as bad with the talking but only at times he should be quiet or when I'm busy such as movies, when i am cooking, when I am on the phone, in the bathroom, etc. There's more bad but I will end here for now.

All in all I'm just reading out to mainly just vent a bit out here and there I find myself losing my temper more and more lately with them and really just getting annoyed at the thought of the grandma. My relationship with my girlfriend has been a little rocky recently and we are trying to work through it so I'm sure that has something to do with the feeling so on edge with this whole family but a lot of these problems and ones I have not mentioned yet are still problems in themselves.