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Finally have had it!!!

pinklove0015's picture

I know all you guys have been telling me to leave my jerk of a boyfriend, but this is finally it. I want someone I can have a future with. This all started back in July. I went to a wedding with my handicapped friend. He has cerebral Palsy. It wasn't a date I went as his plus one because I promised before I even met my boyfriend. We took a picture at the wedding, his head was on my shoulder and my boyfriend considers that cheating.

Even since then our relationship has been hell! He is constantly accusing me of talking to other dudes, he starts fights out of no where says he will never marry me because I have secret friends and talk to all these men. I cry all the time because I am being accused of all these things I am not doing. He has a tracker on my phone, has gone through my stuff a million times, and when I am upset he turns it around on me. What should I do?

pinklove0015's picture

I have put up with so much because I love him and I truly believe when were getting along and not fighting that he did love me too. I Just cannot take the constant accusations. I feel like we have no future.

pinklove0015's picture

Clearly I am going to have to leave. The accusations will never stop even when I am literally not doing anything wrong. I already have high blood pressure as it is, this guy gets me so upset where I cry all the time, I am going to end up having a heart attack. I am only 30, soon to be 31. I want to get married someday and find the right one.

Winterglow's picture

Don't say that you're "going to have to leave" - that makes it sound as if you're playing for time while hopeing for a miracle. Just do it. Start right now by looking for an appartment to rent if the place where you live isn't yours. If your name is on the lease, find out TODAY how to evict him. Take your first step (it's always the hardest one) today. It's so much more important to be happy than married...

 

pinklove0015's picture

Your right nothing is going to change. I cannot deal with it. He accuses me of wantingt to live this imaginery lifestyle and constantly accuses me of needing and wanting attention from all these men its false I talk to no guys. No matter what I do I am not good enough and he gets more insecure.

tog redux's picture

Please, please, PLEASE find a good therapist and sort out why it isn't as obvious to you as it is to us that you need to leave. This man is abusive, and if you stay, he will begin to physically abuse you. He is already emotionally and verbally abusing you, and controlling you via a phone tracker (which you are allowing - shut the dang tracker off).  Abusive people are not abusive all the time, if they were, no one would ever stay with them. They have periods of being loving and caring but the abuse ALWAYS returns, and it generally gets worse. In a healthy relationship, people fight, but they fight fair and their goal is not control, it's preserving the relationship.

Please figure out why you tolerate this - so you can leave and not choose another abuser.

pinklove0015's picture

Your right it is abuse. I tell him all the time it's abuse and he says no it's not. He blames it on the picture I took with the friend at the wedding. I think he just uses it as an excuse to be abusive I believe.

Jen_Jen's picture

How do you go from "Finally have had it!!!!" to "What should I do?"?

Why are you confused?  Why do you stay with this man? Please reconsider  and go back to having had it. No man is worth this amount of mental abuse.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Cheaters often project onto the loyal partner. You sure he's not the one actually cheating?

He sounds like a disaster. I'm so sorry you're facing this. You deserve better. Why do you stay? It doesn't seem like he has very many good qualities and that he has you on eggshells all the time.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

OF COURSE he says it is NOT abuse. He doesn't want to lose his victim.

He has a tracker on your phone.
He goes through your stuff.
He accuses you of doing things you are not doing.
He accuses you of cheating.

Hon, this scares the beejeebies out of me because these things are EXACTLY what my narcisstic, mentally/physically abusive psycho exh did.

He accused me of cheating with my girlfriends when we had lunch.
He accused me of cheating because I was home 5 minutes late due to heavy traffic or bad weather.
He accused me of cheating if I came home 5 minutes EARLY.
He looked through my clothes and purse and car when I got home - even checked the mileage.
He constantly looked through my personal things. He even had a locksmith open my personal safe to see what I was "hiding" from him.

Pink, I LIVED this. For too many years because I was too beaten down and too terrified to leave. This 'man' is your boyfriend. It would be easier for you to cut ties than if you were married.

Please consider your safety and happiness. It's obvious to me that this 'man' makes you very UNhappy. {{{hugs}}}

ndc's picture

I think you should leave him ASAP.  But be smart about it.  Someone who is emotionally abusive and controlling might move to physical abuse if provoked.  Your leaving could push him to that point.  That's far from a certainty, but why risk it?  I would try to leave when he's not there and have someone with you.

Rags's picture

Call a locksmith, rekey the locks and put  this assholes crap on the curb.   Quit waiting for a forelorn hope.  Move on.

Notup4it's picture

Red flag that either he is cheating himself or is a potential abuser (or both).... technically he is already emotionally abusing you. 

pinklove0015's picture

He claims he is not abusing me, I tell him it is. He's just as miserable as me he says.

elkclan's picture

You have children in this mess. Do you think they want to see their mother like this? Please leave.

Rags's picture

So, are you ready to actually do something about this and move on... or are you going to keep putting yourself through the spin cycle with this asshole?

Make a move... PLEASE!