Feels like I'm losing myself...
So DH and I were recently taken to court for domicile rights over SS4. BM lost, judge said she was too unstable. We now have SS full time, BM has visitation every other wkd.
Since DH and I were married, SS took it upon himself to call me "mom." We tried to discourage it, even said he could give me a nickname but it always went back to "mom." BM punished him, insisting he call me by my first name so he does it when he's around get but goes back to it when he's with us.
I take very good care of SS. I am recently a stay at home mom because I am expecting my first in less than 3 months. I spend a lot of time with SS. Even when I worked full time I spent most of ny free time with him...playing, teaching morals, academics, etc. BM doesn't do any of the above. SS says she makes him watch tv.
BM has become so spiteful and vindictive since the court date. When SS visits she tells him stories of when she and his dad were together...knowing that he will repeat it. She bad mouths me to him. Tells him things like, "when you were born, stepmom was a kid." So naturally he comes home and tells me about it. It's true, I was only 19 when he was born, 21 when I met him. His dad is 10 yrs older than me, his mom 8.
Though I was more established at 21 (had a career teaching school, owned a brick house that I had bought brand new) she is now 31, cleans houses a few times a week, has two kids from two different dads, not married, in school for the second time, and mom still pays her bills.
I understand that she's only running her mouth because she is trying to build her own self esteem, but I'm not putting my SS in a position to where he's in the middle of her screwed up mentality. It's not fair to him. What bothers me the most is that I do more for that kid than anyone else and I'm constantly the a** end of every joke, every smarta** comment, etc. I'm done playing games with her. She will NEVER say anything to my face, always through SS. I just don't think its right and I'm bowing out.
Not sure how to do that...but as of last night I've been holed up in my bedroom and haven't really interacted with anyone. Turned cartoons on for SS and fixed him breakfast then back to bed. I just don't want to put in the time and effort anymore. I feel that its pointless. My nerves are racked to the extreme as it is because of my pregnancy...I just can't handle the BS with the ex anymore. I'm tired of my life revolving around her. I can't go a day without her being the majority of the topic of discussions in my house. I'm so fed up at this point...just feel like I'm having an out of body experience. I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm more depressed than happy, can't seem to even think about my own child because I'm too busy worrying about everyone elses. And then I get trash talked TO him.
Anyone else been in this position? Just don't think I can do this anymore.
At least you like your SS and
At least you like your SS and he likes you! That's a positive so let's work from that angle. One day SS will be older. He'll see his Mother for what she is and make his own decision about his relationship with her. For now though you and DH can come up with some rules of the house to limit letting her be in every minute of your lives. Perhaps you and DH can sit down with SS and tell him in kid friendly terms that his Mom is angry right now and going through some bad times. She may say mean things sometimes that she doesn't mean and shouldn't say. But reassure him that she loves him and you all love him and want what's best for him. (This is really tough I know but for his sake, being bigger than her is ideal for your family). So from this day forward we are not going to talk about what Mommy says if she says something mean. If he comes from a visit and starts bringing things up that she said you can remind him of the "game". Maybe that will help! Good luck!
Daycare if you can afford it.
Daycare if you can afford it. Of course it may be that you can't NOT afford it. To keep your sanity it'll be worth what the cost is.
Thanks ladies. BM does have
Thanks ladies. BM does have severe self esteem issues. She told our attorney that SS talks about me nonstop.when he's with her. Even BM's own mother has made comments to other (neutral) people about how happy she is that SS has a good relationship with me. SS teacher asked me today if BM was on drugs because when she came to meet her she acted like she would rather be anywhere but there and that the SS grandmother did all the talking.
It's hard to explain to a 4 yr old that his mom is upset with us. It's hard to explain much of anything without him getting confused. His idea of normal is very different from most kids around here his age. I just wish she would see what she's doing to him.