Sounds pretty simple.

She's 14 not 4.  She's old enough to experience consequences for joining in her mother's games.  And when the wailing and crying begins, her father reminds her of her changed behaviors and puts it right back on her.  Want to enjoy the perks of my family? Then you act like part of the family.  Simple really.  

If she won't answer calls or stay at your house, it makes sense she wouldn't go on vacation with you. Even if imvited and you bought a ticket, chances are it would be wasted and possibly at the last minute with much drama. What you are doing makes perfect sense. 

Bio mom does not hesitate to lie and exaggerate half truths to get her way in court!!
 

BM works as a realtor, she falsified earnimgs for 2021.... so that her child support increased..  How or can I request employer verification..?

And sd 18.5, our 2 bio kids from our marriage are dd7.5 and ds6. Since they were babies and toddlers we often did mini getaways and when i was living in hubbys country we'd fly back to Australia yearly sometimes twice to recharge etc.

no skid followed or was invited as we were staying in my childhood home and my husband didn't believe that skids should be coming along for that trip since they weren't my dad's family or especially sd's who didn't treat us as family. Ss came to my country when we got engaged but thats about it. 
 

now since hubby works overseas, he flies back to my country every few months and we fly back to his country once a year whilst he is on contract with his company a few more years

don't feel guilty, the way i see it, your sd has made it clear to you all she doesn't acknowledge you as family so therefore as a non family member who treats you with contempt and disrespect, she doesn't get the perks of a family cruise trip.

she needs to understand thats how the real world works. You don't get something for nothing and bad behaviour 

My SS18 was HIGHLY alienated. Feel free to go back and read my blogs, it's awful. 

Anyway, no matter what we did, no matter how terrible SS was- we invited. He wouldn't respond, but that was on him. BM wouldn't respond- that was on her. We did our best and can lay our heads down at night knowing we weren't the one's who gave up. We tried until the end. Now, it's on SS18 to make the next move. 

Chances are, she will say something like "I don't want to be on a boat with you!", but if on the off chance she does come, it would be an opportunity to bond away from the real world. We loves cruises and try and go at least every other year if not yearly. Getting an alienated kid away like that does wonders! 

you asked once, she said no. enjoy your cruise, I'm kind of jealous it sounds like a great idea!!

just a reminded. we do not have to follow our SKids around say

"do you want to xyz?" 

"how about now?" 

"how about now?" 

"now?" 

"what about now?"

"maybe now?" 

"now?"

"how about now?" 

one and done should be the motto. ask once, move on w/ our happy. 

I wouldn't take an estranged kid who doesn't return calls and refuses to visit on a cruise with me. That could be a recipe for disaster - it's not like she could jump overboard and swim back to the Mothership if things weren't going well. Plus kids don't get to decide they'll be family members only when vacations or other fun things are happening.

I would not want her destroying your hard earn time off. Your good memories you are going to make the money you are spending.  Have fun without her. Make great memories.  BM is  not nice that not going to change.  Maybe in a few years you can have a relationship with SD

She no longer wants to see you, she's awful to you and plots against you, why would you want to take her on vacation?

I wouldn't take her, either, and I wouldn't worry about it one bit.

I am not a fan of not including all minor kids in family vacations.. especially extra nice ones.. like disney or a cruise.  BUT.. if you literally have been unable to see her or have contact.. how would you even know if she wants to go.. if she will be allowed to go?

I might tell her that he has the trip planned, but if she wants to be included in the family.. she needs to start behaving like part of the family and come for visitation and be part of the family like she used to be when she visited..   Maybe she will try a little. and it will open a door to a returned better relationship.  If she refuses.. then she understands that there is no trip when she can't make herself available during other times of the year.

My OSDthen 15 was alienated and DH decided to take her with us on an overseas trip anyway. Against all my good judgement. He said, yes, it was a "carrot" for her to spend time with him. She put off her answer until literally the day before, maybe two days, but last minute for sure. She didn't participate in any of the ideas and talks we had about itinerary (it was online).

And it was not fun to have her there. She complained, she pouted, she refused to engage, she refused to eat much (all of this I expected).

I basically didn't have any say in taking care of either SD. It was all on DH. DH looks back on that trip with regret now. YSDthen13 was pretty good though. This was her last year before she got wierd.

My argument to DH was that if she's not participating as family she doesn't get treated with the special things. I would have asked once, then drop it in the best case. No begging.

I wouldn't include her either.  Who's to say you tell her about it and suddenly she decides to act like family.  She goes with you, maybe even behaves.  Maybe not.  You get back.  You don't hear from her again.  Yeah, no.  Most likely she'd ruin your vacation then go back to ignoring you after the vacation is over.  

by the presence of the toxic. Even if the toxic are minor children. If they don't earn it with appropriate behavior, they don't get it. More importantly, they do not get a chance to ruin it for anyone else.

Keep it simple.