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An Ex who thinks she is the victim

Gracie7's picture

My husbands ex cheated on him with his best friend and then wanted to get back together with him. He tried for awhile but she didn't show any compassion or signs that she was sorry. He left her and we started dated. During our first year of dating he had to baby her along the way so she would be "good for the kids". In the process I think he may have been inappropriate wasnt choosing his loyalties accurately. Long story short his ex blames him for the divorce and says he was the cheater and left the family for the new bimbo. Did she forget she cheated with his best friend. Had she not cheated he would not be with me today? Yes we got together too soon after them but have some accountability. Now she is saying she will never forgive me for not stepping out when I should have and she will never be friends with me. What a shame that she can not find peace within herself.

lovin-life's picture

Sounds familiar! Only in my case his x forgets she cheated with multiple men over a peroid of years nonstop!! But I think, like in your situation..X looks at me as the "obstacle" keeping them from reuniting. I think it's easier for her/them to blame the current women than to look at themselves and be accountable for thier actions and the resulting consciequences!

Because they can't find peace...they don't want us to have peace either......

Gracie7's picture

I am new to this site and it helps to vent. Yeah I think the "obstacle" example is exactely right. But in reality if we broke up she would be the last person he would run back to. I think we all know that but it is the "other woman" factor. Everyone in her life has tried to tell her this or clue her in but she continues to play the victim.

Your last sentence is sooooo true. But you know what I guess all we can do is live our lives to the fullest and after awhile she will grow tired of it if we don't react. Hopefully.....

Nymh's picture

Oh no, she'll never be your friend! Whatever will you do?! She probably won't invite you to her birthday party either!

But seriously, it is not your responsibility to make this woman happy. Don't worry about her. Focus on yourself and your husband Smile

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

happy's picture

She cannot see her own faults because apparently she is PERFECT.
You did nothing wrong..
ANd you do not want to be friends anyways.. I will tell you why.
I dated a guy 4 years ago, we worked together and he was awesome. He had two children with his previous wife. I got along with them awesome. I actually in the beginning commended him for hsi relationship with his ex. His ex and him were still very close friends. He owuld go to her hosue every night to see his children. SHe was re married with another daughter. I actually met her like right after we started dating. Because he wanted us to be friends because he loved me and I guess wanted to still have his relationship with her. Anywho. Everything was good in the beginning.. We would hang out. Until, one night we were over at her house, kids me her Aunt and Uncle and we all just were having a great time. She wanted to put the pool cover on and he said he would help. No big dealso I thought. Her deck was right off the dining room where I and everyone else could see. Because she got soaked by getting in the pool to put the cover on she took her clothes off rightin front of him and all of us. there daughter started yelling at her "what are you doing, your married and his girlfriend is sitting right here. I was totally pist off. You could see it to I do not hide that emotion very well. Needless to say it pretty much ended our relationship because she said he changed from being with me. Just because he wanted to spend a lot of time with me. Anyways.. That taught me a valuable lesson. Never be friends with the ex.
My husbands ex- in the beginning wanted to have birthday dinners with us and stuff which we had one and I really felt uncomfortable so I asked that we stop that along with anything else. I mean why? She wanted out and got what she wanted why continue to pretend in front of the kids that you are family.. I did not get it. My ex and I are friends but only about the kids. We would never go to dinner as a family.. I think it only confuses the kids and makes them get this I think my parents may get back together again.
You know..