Ex is having a baby with new partner
Has anyone had mixed emotions when it comes to their ex who is having a baby with their new partner. We were together for 10 years and had two children of our own. We broke up about 17 months ago, just feeling over whelmed by it. She broke up with me 17 months ago. The break up was very emotional for me and it wasn't until 3-4 months down the line for her that the grass wasn't greener. But we both believed that getting back together was probably not the best thing. She says she will always love me and I've said this to her as well. But with her finally moving on and being pregnant I feel that cements it as this is it. I don't know why I'm feeling so emotional and upset about it. It's a really wierd feeling.
dont know if anyone else has felt like this or is going through the same thing
I have not been in this
I have not been in this situation. But breaking up is a greiving process and is not over emotionally for us the day a relationship officially ends. Recognize this as another step in the process and that it is ok to have strong emotions. Sometimes it is easy to fantasize about going back to relationships we were comfortable in and forget about the bad bits of the relationship. Realizing that this relationship is never giong to be rekindled may feel painful now but ultimately it is healthy and will help you to move on to new things.
From your post history, you
From your post history, you split from your ex 17 months ago. Since then, you moved in with a woman with 4 kids, tried to be a stepdad to kids with 3 different dads who weren't around, while trying to care for your 2 children. You and the mom of 4 split up, and your other ex is already pregnant from another man.
It sounds like you need to take a step back from dating and focus on your children for a while. Take time to get adjusted to being a single parent. Get a routine going. A custody schedule and CO that works for you. Work on setting up a healthy household for your children, with rules/chores, and good boundaries with your kids *and* your ex. Don't cosleep!
It sounds like you jumped into a new relationship too soon. It ended, and you are feeling lost. You need to do the work of getting your own house in order. Work on you. Get healthy, and get you and your kids thriving in a "new normal." Only when you do this, and give yourself time to grieve the loss of your old relationships, will you be ready for a healthy new relationship that will hopefully last forever.
Thank you for the positive
Thank you for the positive reply, apologise I took so long to reply but yes 100% I agree with you I jumped too quick into a relationship I was not ready for. And I know in my head everything will be ok but it's just difficult to process that situation sometimes, I found out yesterday that she is having a girl and in our 10 year relationship we were desperate for a girl but obviously We had two beautiful boys instead , I don't wish anything bad to happen, I wish her a happy life but it was just a wierd emotion for me to go through when I found out
I went through it. My thoughts were "Thank god it isn't mine."
Why would you lament that your X spawned with someone else when you should be celebrating that you won't be resetting your CS obligation and your life under a start from scratch CO?
My XW was pregnant when she left me. Thank God I avoided polluting my gene pool with her and I avoided the rest of my life cursed with her.
I get the grieving process, but... I never felt that her kid with her geriatric fortune 500 executive sugar/baby daddy should have been mine or that we would get back together though for some whack job reason she thought we could date and be lovers after our divorce.
Though I grieved the end of that marriage, my base feeling was one of relief and good riddance.
I would consider this a blessing if I were you. A blessing that you avoided resetting your enmeshment with your XW.
Agree. That's weird to be
Agree. That's weird to be upset about an ex having a child with someone else. It's greedy - you have kids with her already. Also, I don't think you should date until you can move past your ex since you obviously still have feelings for her. It wouldn't be fair to a new partner at all.
I have felt those feelings.
I have felt those feelings. Although I'm the one who had another child......
even being re married and having a new child....my heart hurt when my ex re married. I imagine if he had another child I would also feel that way.....he won't because his new wife is 50.
i never had time to grieve the loss of my first marriage of 15 years and I moved on too quickly.....4 years later the heartache wakes me out of a dead sleep in the middle of the night and it's the first thing in my brain the moment I open my eyes in the morning.
You know, I get this, but
You know, I get this, but think for a moment about the person you remarried or are now living with or serious with. What about them?
Years ago, when I was waiting in a counselor's office, I overheard a woman telling her husband of 15 years and two kids later, that he was a rebound relationship for her. Now, I don't know what was said next, because my name was then called. But, can you imagine how that husband must've felt? Man! To be married to someone for 15 years and have two kids and then find out that as far as your wife is concerned, you were just a rebound? And, that she, maybe from day one of the relationship, was too busy thinking about the good ol' days with her ex- to ever give 100% to her relationship with you. And what about your kids? Did she ever give them 100%?
A bit dramatic, but I do think it drives home the point that was raised above about, "You need to do the work of getting your own house in order" before you think about dating or starting out with someone else. If your brain hasn't moved on or can't move on from the ex-, you really have no right to subject someone else to your brooding or pining or vacillations for some other man or woman. Because I assure you, no man or woman wants to hear 1 year down the road, much less 15 that they were a rebound relationship.
This is pretty much every SP's worst nightmare, that they wind up being little more than filler for the in-between times with a “real” couple. I know I certainly wouldn't want to be a 15-year asterisk in the life of someone I loved and was married to or otherwise bonded to. So, if you do find yourself heavily involved with someone else and seemingly pining away for the ol’ ex-, then see a counselor to work this out, for yourself.
Just because you couldn’t have the life you wanted with your ex-, that is no reason to diminish someone else or strip them of their right to a 100% spouse or partner. As SMs, this is what most expect us to settle for, less than a 100% spouse. And how asinine is that!? To expect a woman in the year 2020 to settle for a 75% husband or such, because 25% of his heart still lies with BM and always will. Nope. YOU may want to continue to wear your ex's chain around your neck, but you have no right to force or even ask someone else to do the same.
I am the rebound. Though my DW would never believe that.
I met my DW of 26 years just more than 3 years after my divorce. She was about 5mos past booting the SpermIdiot for cheating on her. I have never felt like her rebound. I am so much better than the POS SpermIdiot that there is no comparison.
My DW was always so much better than that statutory rapist dope head gang banger wannabe POS that he is nothing more than an anomaly of youthful mistake for my DW. Her quality performance as a mother dominates the shallow and polluted end of my SS's gene pool so much that he has no questions about the short relationship between his former 16yo single teen mom and the then 23yo statutory rapist SpermIdiot. More importantly the entire SpermClan clearly understands that they wallow in a shallow and polluted gene pool while my bride and my son live lives of success because of how awesome she is and how awesomely he was raised in spite of their toxic manipultive crap.
I am a fortunate man. I have a great equity life partner and a son that I am oh so proud to have raised as my own within an incredible equity life partnership. We have had a great life, successful careers, and an international Expat adventure together. Our son is doing his version of the same.
I'm fine with being the rebound partner and the rebound dad. Though I am really the only dad that SS has ever really know as a full time influence in his life.
No. My ex had three more
No. My ex had three more children after our divorce, I was happy as it meant DD has siblings. Granted my ex remarried few years after our divorce (and I many years after) so we had take to fully move on. It sounds like both you and ex rushed into new relationships and never had time to process anything
My X and the SPermidiot followed similar breeding paths.
My XW ended up having three all out of wedlock spawn by two different baby daddies. The Spermidiot had 4 all out of wedlock by three different baby mamas.
Every time I heard of my XWs cavern crotched adulterous out of wedlock spawning I just laughed. Since I had avoided polluting my gene pool with her I found it pathetically entertaining. Her first was conceived while we were married but not with me. Her second was sired by the same geriatric fortune 500 executive sugar/baby daddy as the first one but also out of wedlock. Her third was conceived with the BF she was cheating with while married to Grandpa/Daddy.
Oth, when the Spermidiot's next deposit to his clan's multigenrational shallow and polluted gene pool would show up it would torque my jaw because of the drama that his indescriminant statutory rape breeding would cause my kid.