SS and his BM....
So I was the main "mother" figure for SS for three years. His mother came back into the picture. Things were rocky, including court dates and constant fighting (not in front of him) between DH, BM and me. So I stepped back. Now for the last year or so things have been going pretty smoothly. Of course BM is doing things that I don't agree with and still doesn't seem to put SS as a priority in her life, but I don't say anything about it.
Over the last 1 1/2 years, SS has been acting out. He constantly praises his mom and puts her on a pedestal. If she messes up and I ask him genuinely about it he makes up excuses. Okay, I can deal with that, he's protective. But now, he has been treating me like garbage.
I can't take it. He just challenges me ALL THE TIME! I can't do anything without him acting like a butt about it. If it's not what I cook, it's that he's entitled to this and that. He is just plain mean. He makes excuses for himself and his grades all the time. He is manipulative and I honestly don't want him around.
If I weren't worried about paying stupid child support, I'd want him gone. He acts as if it's so bad here and that he'd have a better life with his mother... So why not? But if he did move we'd be paying over $300 a month, which isn't in our budget at all. And I don't want to act as if DH or I have given up on him, but then again maybe it would teach him a lesson that the grass isn't greener.
Even his grandma (DH's mom) has said he's mean. Now he's 11 years old, so I know part of it could be hormones, but not all of it. My mom told me she thinks that he's resentful of DH and I and probably feels that we have kept him away from his mom. We have never told him to hate her, not want her, or not given him to her when it's time. I honestly think she's brainwashed him and uses the "poor me" on him. For example, she's not supposed to call pass 7pm. She calls usually around 650 or so. So one day she called at 655pm and talked with him. DH was at school, so when 7pm hit, she said "well I don't want your dad to get mad at me, so I'll get off the phone now"... Really? You don't say things like that. And most likely DH wouldn't have gotten mad at her... He would've let them finish their conversation. And I don't want to step on anyone's toes, so I didn't say anything. Another time, she told SS that DH and I took her Xmas presents and posed them as ours. Another nasty thing was her telling him that I'm hacking into her accounts... Like WTF?
What should I do? I really can't even stand the fact that I have bent over backwards for this kid, given him everything he wanted and needed and he treats me so badly
I'm sorry, but $300 is a lot.
I'm sorry, but $300 is a lot. We would still live in the same house, whether SS was gone or not. He doesn't do anything in regards to extraciricullars (BM has convinced him not to), so it's not like we are paying for sign-ups anymore. He fights me everytime I make dinner, so it's not like he eats very much... really there is no major expense that he causes. I did buy him new clothes a few months back, but they were on clearance and I paid about $100....
My DH doesn't like it at all. But SS usually acts like an ass when DH is gone, so a few hours later the heat is already died down. DH talks to him constnatly.... over and over (and honestly I get so annoyed when he does because SS doesn't respect him either... he's just not as vocal towards DH as he is with me). I feel that SS honestly does resent us... and if all that shit were true, everything that BM told him about us, I'd resent me too... but the fact that it's not.
We've sent him to therapy and he doesn't respond. He doesn't talk to the therapist and he thinks it's stupid. He's been to the therapist for 1 1/2 years, when finally I said screw it because it's not working, his behavior is only getting worse.
How does his dad feel about
How does his dad feel about hbim going to live with mom.
A BD keeping a child to avoid paying CS is just as bad as a BM wanting a child so that she can get CS.
OP is saying "if not for the
OP is saying "if not for the child support" - she never said that her DH felt the same. If he really does feel the same, then yeah, the kid probably is better off with BM since he's parenting for the wrong reasons. But considering the OP and DH were the kids primary caretakers for years while BM was out of the picture, I'd be surprised if that's the case. OP just sounds frustrated.
OP, your DH needs to have a discussion with the kid about manners, gratitude, etc. You can't do it because you're just going to come across as the "wicked stepmother." If DH is unwilling to do so, and unwilling to stick with enforcing some rules for conduct in your house, then your best option is to disengage. It sounds like you're backing off and did so to give the kid and BM a chance to develop a relationship. This would be taking that a bit (or a lot) farther. You can't make someone like you, but everyone in a step family should at least be expected to respect each other. No respect, then don't do anything for him.
But, again, the first step is talking to DH and see what he thinks and is willing to do. Good luck.
DH doesn't want SS to move to
DH doesn't want SS to move to his moms. He feels as if BM is a shitty parent. He feels that BM doesn't make SS a priority with things (he went 2 years without underwear at her house, until we bought him underwear to take over there when we found out). But SS had an excuse for that too! Even though BM "couldn't afford" to buy SS underwear, she sure as hell had the money to buy HERSELF a Halloween outfit and cigarettes everyday... Bullshit!
Of course he doesn't want to pay child support. For the last 7 years, as long as DH has had custody of SS, she hasn't paid a fucking dime! Nothing! So yea, there is that resentment towards BM that she hasn't paid anything and he would have to pay if SS lived with her. Mostly when she's a welfare mama, who DECIDES not to work because she'll lose welfare (her words to me!).
See in the beginning BM would
See in the beginning BM would talk to me all the time about SS and I would keep her informed on everything. Then when court came around, she used that against DH who lost some custodial time because "I was wanting to be the parent".... what the fuck ever! She's a manipulative bitch.... and God, so many times I wish she would just drive off a fucking cliff and burst into flames.
SS and I had an AWESOME relationship when she was gone and even the first 12 months or so after she got here... but when she finally got overnights things started changing... of course they did, she had time to brainwash him and pin him against DH and I.
On one hand I did have an entitlement attitude as I was raising her child awesomely (friends galore, straight A's, baseball, etc) but I didn't show that towarsd anyone... I just kept doing what I was doing and let her fuck up. But I guess that was wrong.