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Everytime I try I just keep getting kicked down

amybeth33's picture

Submitted by amybeth33 on Sat, 12/03/2011 - 4:29pm

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You think I'd learn by now. Some of the stepkids Christmas was going to be redecorating their rooms and buying new beds. Well, I found out two days ago that at age 34 I will be having a hysterectomy due to a possible cancerous cyst on my ovary. I will miss 3 weeks from the work (I work two jobs to support our house) I was able to buy them new beds and neither one said thank you. It was just expected. I am trying to hold on to every dime and still get thier Christmas but at the ages of 14 and 16 I would think they would be empathetic enough to know I'm trying hard to make sure they have a good Christmas. Neither have expressed they even care that I'm going through an emotional time, it's just same crap everyday. Maybe I expect too much but a thank you ever now and again would be appreciated. All I get is, hey when can we go shopping for decorations? I think living with stepkids made my ovaries upset and they are trying to jump ship before I get pregnant..lol

dispiritedstepmom2011's picture

Submitted by dispiritedstepm... on Sat, 12/03/2011 - 5:04pm

skids are cruel, evil lil creatures who are so damn entitled, they really honestly dont care about their stepparents.

i had a miscarriage before i got pregnant with bd5. it was a blighted ovum, but still very painful and emotionally draining even knowing that i was only passing the sac and not a fetus. sd was angry that i wouldnt let her have a friend sleep over, even though we explained to her what was happening. at the young age she was, 7, i felt she should have felt sorry for me in the least little bit---she didnt.

when i had bd early--2months preemie--sd complained that daddy had to be at the hospital with me and wouldnt be with her at her open house...

idk why we stepparents think they will give a shit--cause they never ever will. stay strong hun, and i am so sorry you have to go through this ((HUGS))

amybeth33's picture

Submitted by amybeth33 on Sat, 12/03/2011 - 5:48pm

I can say I use the word entitled with them alot. Until I came along my husband was raising them alone. He got no child support. So they got lots of Goodwill clothing and hand me downs. When we got married we bought a nice house, have nice family cars and they get new clothes. I guess they started getting a big head. I know they love me, and honestly I love them, but I was rasied to appreciate everything I am given, and I treated my parents with respect. I don't know if at their age they can comprehend what a hysterectomy is or can understand that I will never have kids. I look at them and go..well, you are my only kids and I know God put us together for a reason. One day I hope they know and see how much I tried, but for now I just withdraw..I have to take care of my right now. My husband is a rock for us all God Bless Him.

Delilah's picture

Submitted by Delilah on Sat, 12/03/2011 - 5:05pm

Where is DH in all this? Surely he should be prompting his daughters to say thank you, to show their appreciation considering you dont NEED or have to purchase them anything? You choose to. That needs to be communicated to them impo.

Seems to me, you need to take better care of yourself. Are you able to manage without one of your jobs? Is that feasible? If not, then in all seriousness all you are doing right now is feeding their self entitlement by continuing to make an extreme effort with them and what for? Your title of your post says it all, but what you forget is that you have control over this. You cant step off this roundabout anytime you wish and disengage. To be honest, I really hope you listen to my advice because you have no choice but to take care of YOU right now. That includes, scaling down your own expectations, for your skids, xmas, gifts. How important are these anyhow versus your own health and sanity? They arent worth anything if you are ill.

Your skids, arent little kids. They understand fully the situation, and if they dont care then its time you stop giving them a free pass. Allowing excuses to continually be made on their behalf and encouraging their mentality, because its not attractive nor is it in their best interests. Doesnt make for popular individuals.

Time to talk to your OH and tell him you need to cut down on your stress levels and this includes changes in plans for xmas. Your disappointment in the level of graciousness in relation to the bed and the toll this is taking on you (please do not underestimate the seriousness of stress on health conditions). Tell him you expect things to change and that right now you NEED support. This is far and away more important than gift exchanging.

amybeth33's picture

Submitted by amybeth33 on Sat, 12/03/2011 - 6:06pm

So true..honestly this site makes me feel so normal. Most of us from what I read try so hard to make these kids normal, but truth is, we didn't mess them up and we can't fix them. I agree at some point we have to just say I'm done trying to make this work. Too bad so many of us end up depressed and anxiety ridden.

anafiodorova's picture

Submitted by anafiodorova on Sat, 12/03/2011 - 7:42pm

I was having nightmares, was depressed and had anxiety. Once I lfet I feel lighter and happier.I have been out for almost 2 weeks now and is a real blessing.

momof5_1969's picture

Submitted by momof5_1969 on Sun, 12/04/2011 - 2:36am

I'm so sorry you are going through this also. And I agree with one of the posters that said to scale down, take care of yourself because your health is top priority right now. I'll tell you that if you don't, at some point you will be forced to. I was. I lost my job due to my health. Due to the stress in my home, I got so sick that I lost my job and am going through the process of filing for social security disability. I have chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia. I also suffer from depression (sometimes debilitating), migraines, seizures, high blood pressure, an enlarged heart, I get kidney infections and bladder infections frequently now -- all of which I take medications for. Most of these I did not have prior to getting married. My stress level went through the roof when I got married and it came to a head about 6 months into the marriage.

I was forced to take care of myself after I lost my job a year and a half ago, and now I do take care of myself. If I'm too tired or not feeling well, I simply rest that day and don't do anything for anyone. They have learned how to take care of things themselves. The kids all now have jobs because we will not take care of certain things for them anymore. No job = no car. No job means they have no car insurance or gas either. We don't pay for those things. They pay for their own phones. We don't. They do their own laundry too. I started that shortly into the marriage.

They have gotten better in some ways, but in a lot of ways they are still awful. But PLEASE take care of yourself. Scale back. I didn't think we could make it on one income, but amazingly we can!!