I haven't posted in a year, and things are so much worse
I am to the point where I have completely lost who I am. Dealing with a SS17 who is bipolar, oppositional defiant, and a pathological liar for 4 years has really made me into a different person. I always thought there was light at the end of the tunnel that at 18 he would leave and life would begin with who I thought I was in love with. After 4 years of dealing with a SS who lies, steals, and his latest "I decided to fail English my senoir year because I don't want to walk to stage". Dumba**. We also have SD16 living with us who is a pretty normal teenage girl. Everyone has locks on their doors and I lock my jewelry up as well due to the fact that SS will steal anything that isn't tied down. Of course live in just makes excuses and doesn't follow punishments. SS17 was supposed to move out upon graduation but now live in says he is just not able to take care of himself and we can't just kick him to the street. Oh, he also had a spell of digging holes in the backyard. I don't feel the same way about the live in anymore and I don't know how to get out. But I hate sleeping behind a locked door at night with a bat at bedside so that I don't end up on the news. I love how step parents have a bad name...we are generally the victims
We raise children to become
We raise children to become adults. We do not raise children to become children. It's
absurd. "
THIS is exactly what I say and get resistance from EX and SO and IL's "they are only kids once yadayadayada"
I know, thats why they get to play and be kids ALSO! Also means on top of learning to be functioning humans.......... geeeeeez
No offense taken at all...and
No offense taken at all...and let me say this...I'm so thankful that a BM is not into the mix here..uhhh..and yes we are all surprised he isn't in jail yet. YET. I told him yesterday I hope he likes stripes and bunk beds. I haven't left yet because I wonder if being a single parent for so long dealing with this if DH is just worn down himself. I can't imagine doing it alone all those years. I also know that me and DH do not fight except over the issue of him moving out. However, feelings change and kids can come between you. I always say DH has his biological blinders on. Oh, and this is my house...in my name..I own everything.
I haven't left yet because of
I haven't left yet because of SD16. When we all moved in she was a little rough too. Very goth and very much needing direction. She has changed so much. I won't leave, they would..I own it all...I have the high paying two jobs. Yes two jobs to stay away from the drama. If I leave she wouldn't have the opportunities...no one to help her apply to college, nothing. Last year when I was 34 I had to have a complete hysterctomy. I never had the chance to have kids and she's my only hope.
So invite her to stay and
So invite her to stay and kick out the other two!
OK so the kid is retarded or
OK so the kid is retarded or whatever fancy title one would like to place on his problems. Was he filling in the holes? I hesitate to find out what he buried. Are neighbors missing pets?
Are you willing to continue your downward spiral? If so you can continue as you are. Or you can tell your partner that he can support the boy in a local bachelor apartment if he desires but he isn't living with you past age 18 or the end of his high school failure whichever is last.
I'm going to guess that since you two are apparently not married and you don't have any ownership in the housing you're living in. This leaves you vulnerable to being told to 'go ahead and leave' so don't make a threat you're not willing to follow through on.
In my opinion starting over and taking your chances with another relationshsip is better than spending the rest of your life with this kid a part of it. He'll never really go completely away and if Daddy is willing to support him now he'll be willing to support him when he's thirty.
I own it all..trust me the
I own it all..trust me the holes were creepy. We made him dig them up and found nothing in them...but he was digging a huge hole that went under the house. Trust me we fight everyday over this issue..I said I'm not running a group home and he can't live here. I honestly think he will leave with one of his goofey friends. I think DH feels like it's his fault that he is mentally ill so he feels he has to take care of him. I just can't anymore. I told him that he can stay until graduation and that is it..my family gave him all appliances for Christmas..that was funny. They said it was a hint to move.
Exactly! And luggage for
Exactly! And luggage for graduation!
I totally agree with this
I totally agree with this from OC:
"Are you willing to continue your downward spiral? If so you can continue as you are. Or you can tell your partner that he can support the boy in a local bachelor apartment if he desires but he isn't living with you past age 18 or the end of his high school failure whichever is last."
Rent on a room somewhere else is well worth the peace of mind you will gain. Move him out ASAP and change the locks!
Holy cow I feel for you! I
Holy cow I feel for you! I had a similar problem with BM's horrible nephew (age 15) who DH had helped care for since her sister couldn't do it (drugs). That kid was so creepy and had a wierd thing about digging big holes as well. In his friends backyard, not here though. He had gone so long with getting away with totally ridiculous behavior by literally pretending he didn't understand english and not answering that I think DH and BM were starting to believe it. After watching him for a while, I noticed that he would almost smirk when he did this and was really sneaky. He knew exactly what was going on, but did whatever he wanted because he could. There was no privacy with him around. He would just wander into my bedroom, even if I was in bed and stand there without saying anything watching TV in my room. Climb all over my four poster bed rails, grab whatever he wanted of my personal belongings - my Kindle table, computer, whatever without asking. It was the sneakiness that put a stop to it. I just flat didn't feel comfortable with him around my DD4 - he was too wierd and quiet and odd. Not to mention the horrible hygiene and messes he left for me. I told DH absolutely no visitation at my house with that kid period and I can't even tell you how nice its been.
I feel for you...as bad as
I feel for you...as bad as SS17 is..I still stand my ground and show ZERO fear. I say jump and even thought I get a look and hesitation, he still jumps. If he came into my room and grabbed stuff it'd be on like Donkey Kong. I was a therapist long before a nurse and digging holes for no apparent reason as a teenager is usually a sign of hiding things like dead animals. I dare my SS17 to walk into my room or take anything in front of me..he isn't smart at all, but at least he does it when he thinks we are sleeping or we won't find out. I'm so sorry your privacy and private space are invaded like that.