Does anyone else go through some kind of vicious cycle every few months with their SO?
Here's the issue I'm having:
Every few months my SO and I go through this cycle where he get frustrated and irritated with me and our relationship because he isn't getting enough attention intimately. We have a pretty active sex life, but when I get stressed out I am just not in the mood. When he gets stressed out, he wants it all the time. We both get stressed when the other is stressed. Do you see the problem? We get to this place where he thinks I should be giving it up every night of the week and I have to force myself to give it up even though I'm really not in the mood. Recently, he has had a lot of stress with work, I have had a lot of stress with school and two VERY sick kiddos, so our intimacy time has become almost non-existent. The few times I have tried to start something up I get turned down. I feel like we go through this cycle of events every few months and it is REALLY getting old. I have been informed this morning that that is why he got out of bed 10 minutes after we laid down last night. He is frustrated because "we are back in another one of our ruts." Now I will probably get ignored and given a guilt trip for the next few days because this is always all my fault. Just wondering if anyone else goes through this kind of thing and if you might be able to give me some advice as to what to do to fix it or avoid it.
haha yes this is my
haha yes this is my situation with my hubby....
Every night he wants sex and every night Im just tired, stressed or just basically dont feel like it and the more he asks the less I want it. The more he gets shitty about it, the less I want it! Its like no matter how bad they are feeling they want to have sex. Its only if we have had an argument and go to bed angry that he doesnt want sex - but he mostly trys to joke with me once we get into bed because he wants to have sex.
The thing is that men psychologically show their love via sex, its a fact. There is no better way in their thinking of showing their love. When they are stressed and/or insecure, they want sex more than ever because they want to know that something is okay in their lives and you still love them. Its weird I know and they also want attention so get grumpy when they feel they arnt getting enough...god they are annoying. I keep trying to explain to him that I feel like sex is all Im good for, Im just kept around to be his sex toy. I genuinely think they dont mean to make us feel like that but thats how we end up feeling because we dont think like them and what need are cuddles, kisses - affection during the day and them helping us, then we feel more like having sex but when they are stressed they dont feel like doing those things.....
Its a neverending battle between the sexes I think....sigh.
Ladies, all I can say is sex
Ladies, all I can say is sex is good for stress, so do it even if you don't feel like it, you may find it makes you feel better!!! Try to compromise just a little, but ALSO let him know how you feel about him being pushy. Tell him it doesn't impress you and turns you off. The key is you have to give him a reason to back off, like initiating once in awhile. I hate to say "schedule" it, but if that is what it takes. Put it in your calendar and look forward to it, like you would when you were young. It may help with the rest of the issues in the house. I know when dh and I are steady about it, both of our moods are better and everyone benefits.
.....personally, I am often to depressed for sex, but that is another issue and my dh is perfectly understanding. Probably should take my own advice, right?
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
haha humbersidegal! I have
haha humbersidegal!
I have to agree that we do get on better when it is regular aswell, mostly because he is more agreeable then, its like they NEED it to function/survive! but I just end up doing it because I know he may bring up the 2 other option - doing it himself which pisses me off cos I feel like Im on a bouncy castle trying to sleep, or second option "well I will just watch porn then" and he knows that I will normally go "alright then! just do a quickie" because I hate him watching porn if Im in the house, if hes away - like he is every other week working then okay, they need the visual input its been found right. But I still hate it. So put out, bounce or suffer the humiliation of porn? put out most normally! haha
But saying that, he has got better about the porn stuff, we dont talk about it anymore.
My dh tells me that I am
My dh tells me that I am unique because I am ALWAYS in the mood. Everday - allday. Thank goodness he is too!!!
This is my problem as well.
This is my problem as well. BF, unfortunately is not that way. Sometimes he tells me that I'm going to kill him one of these days because I always seem to want it.
"I have always loved the time before dawn because there is no one around to remind me who I am suppose to be, so it is easier to remember who I am." - unknown
Count yourselves lucky, at
Count yourselves lucky, at the moment my SO has averaged it out to once every 6 weeks. No word of a lie. Reason being of course that I'm 4 1/2 months preggo and suffering from prenatal depression as far as we can tell and so my libido is in the toilet... but i do miss it...
Not MY DH- (42 years old) He
Not MY DH- (42 years old) He has never had so much sexual urge either...
Ugh - I'd have to be really
Ugh - I'd have to be really passive aggressive about it & put a brand new bottle of lotion and a porno on his nightstand with a note. "Sorry jackass, I'm going to sleep. Try not to move the bed too much while you rub one out. Sloppy kisses and wet dreams! -Stepmom008"
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
Wow! Well, it's nice to
Wow! Well, it's nice to know I am not alone in this. I used to have a very high libido, but since my second child it has really dropped off. I enjoy the sex, just not in the mood for it as often as he is. That makes things difficult sometimes. I think part of the problem is that I am not happy with the way I look right now, but I am currently working on that one day at a time.
Oh geez- I don't know what
Oh geez- I don't know what to tell you.
My DH wakes me up even for sex every every night, sometimes before I get out of bed too.
The stress and the stepkid do a number on my libido.
On his day off he wants it 2-6 (his record) with me.
I need to go get my Birth Control pills refilled- thanks for the reminder!!!