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Do we tell BM directly that we got married?

msg1986's picture

Submitted by msg1986 on Thu, 06/13/2013 - 3:00pm

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So Dh and I recently got married and although I could care less if BM knows or not, are we obligated to tell her? Like legally? She is the type of Bm that has had communication revoked to text/email only because of her volitile behavior, I say that so you know the type we deal with. Ss4 is awesome and has been thrilled to tell everyone he is officially my Step-son so i'm sure he's said something to either Bm or his Nana who is primarily with when we don't have him... Did you guys tell BM directly or did you just kind of let her find out thru the grapevine?

stepped-on-sm's picture

Submitted by stepped-on-sm on Fri, 06/14/2013 - 1:36am

Yeah sometimes I wonder
luckily 1 lost parental rights but we sorta still have her in the picture because she is friends with BM 2

msg1986's picture

Submitted by msg1986 on Thu, 06/13/2013 - 4:29pm

oh wow, I don't think I could handle 2 Bm's, many props to you lady!!

and about bm2-what did she really think she was going accomplish???lol

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Thu, 06/13/2013 - 3:18pm

I think that DH should email her right after he gets the kids for his next visit. You're not legally obligated to tell her but it may be best as she'll find out at some point. And he should email her right after he gets the kids for his visit so she can compose herself over the next few days and she won't have an opportunity to explode on the kids right when she finds out. That's what DH did- got the kids for their visit and then sent her that email/myspace message (she's on there all the time) saying we were engaged. And right after he picked them up, closer to our wedding date, he told her via myspace message the weekend we'd be getting married (on our time with them) so she could not explode on the kids right when she found out and they could go home to a more composed BM (hopefully).

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Thu, 06/13/2013 - 3:24pm

Getting married in 2 weeks and BM and fat ass will be told NADA...as it should be. FUCK THEM BOTH!!! Wink }:)

Living the dream's picture

Submitted by Living the dream on Thu, 06/13/2013 - 6:41pm

Congrats! I'll be married five months as of this Saturday. My wedding day was one of the most beautiful days of my life; I was so happy that even if BM had showed up at the church, I wouldn't have stopped smiling. I wish you the same kind of day!

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Thu, 06/13/2013 - 3:29pm

None of her fucking business. period. dot.

I never understood roommates who would go out to lunch to tell former boyfriends that they were getting married. It wasn't like they were still dating. If I had an ex call me up to go out to lunch and then tell me he was getting married I'd want to dump soup over his head for wasting my time and being so stupid.

Living the dream's picture

Submitted by Living the dream on Thu, 06/13/2013 - 6:37pm

We didn't tell BM directly when we got engaged, but we told the kids in person the next day they came to visit. I'm sure they called/texted their mother as soon as we were out of earshot.

The kids were all in our wedding (junior best man and maids of honor) and were pretty excited about shopping for clothes and stuff, so I'm sure BM had to hear about our upcoming (then) nuptials often! Which really breaks my heart, of course. }:)

You are under no obligation to tell BM anything. But if the kids know, she knows.

And really, why keep something so nice a secret? Congratulations!

msg1986's picture

Submitted by msg1986 on Fri, 06/14/2013 - 9:23am

Thanks everyone for your responses. it seems the general consensus is to just leave it be and let her find out when she finds out. Bm is batsh*t crazy thankfully though she isn't crazy enough to take it out on Ss. I just didn't want Dh to get in any kind of trouble. a plus right now too is that she has a new boyfriend so she isn't really bothering us and i'm sure she could care less... hopefully this guy is just as crazy as her and doesn't dump her ass like the last 4 guys she's burned through.

Ps thanks to everyone who said congrats! Biggrin

SMof2Girls's picture

Submitted by SMof2Girls on Fri, 06/14/2013 - 9:31am

If she's crazy enough to take it out on SS, she'd do that whether you told her directly or not. We're not friends with BM, and felt that our relationship and wedding was none of her business. It was our day and we didn't concern ourselves with what she might think/do .. and you shouldn't either Biggrin

Enjoy your day and honeymoon!!

thebrokenrecordmachine's picture

Submitted by thebrokenrecord... on Fri, 06/14/2013 - 12:19pm

I wouldn't tell and theirs no legal repercussions if you don't.
She'll find out eventually....hopefully after the nuptials and not before !
If I ever get married im sure SO will let it slip, as sometimes that happens with him, but I still love him lol!