Disrespectful stepdaughter
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So a few days ago my fiancé proposed to me. He proposed to me in our home. His daughter was asleep so he went into her room and woke her up. Came back in my room got down on one knee and pulled out the ring. When he pulled out the ring, no lie, his daughter said "that tiny ass ring" mind you she's eight years old. When I tell you I was so pissed and heartbroken because I felt like she stole a special moment away from me. My fiancé yelled at her and practically had to force her to apologize. She broke down and started crying and gave me a hug but I don't feel like it was ginuine. I've been so frustrated since and don't know how to tell my fiancé how I feel because he's gonna take her side.
F That!
Why the hell would he want his daughter to be there at such a personal intimate moment. That speaks volumes. Your SD sounds like a peach. All of this are red flags...not to mention you already know he will take her side. So maybe he should have given "that tiny ass ring" to her.
I would think twice about this. You have nothing but tons of BS ahead of you.
You can go through all the BS of getting him to place boundaries blah blah blah...is all of that worth it? if is then congrats. I truly am sorry this special occassion was ruined by some snotty SD...I guess this is the trailer to the rest of the show.
We've definitely had the
We've definitely had the boundaries discussion as she is super clingy to her dad as almost as if she's his girlfriend "give me a kiss daddy" almost every me and him are talking or always interrupting me when I'm talking, which he stopped her from doing. But when we had the conversation about her being too clingy he told me "me and her had this bond way before you came along and I'm not going to change that".
Was it ruined by the SD? Who
Was it ruined by the SD? Who wakes a child up once they have gone to sleep?
Tell me about it.. he said
Tell me about it.. he said that he wanted her "feel apart of the proposal" since she wasn't around to help pick out the ring. SMH
Insane
No. Wrong. Completely wrong. Should have been about YOU. Not SD. Fiance got it so wrong. Sorry OP.
I am gobsmacked that he
I am gobsmacked that he thinks a CHILD should choose the ring that will bind him to a woman!!
OP, you realize that he's going to add her to your wedding ceremony, don't you? Either by having her "marry" you too, or by including a ring ceremony just for her. He doesn't seem to be capable of understanding the bond between a man and a woman... That's a whole lot of messed up and there's nothing you can do to fix it.
Awful
Who would propose to theor chosen life partner...and wake up their 8 year old child to witness it? I would be horrified. I would say no. Proposals should be about the couple. Not step offspring. This is a huge red flag. He is too concerned about SD. Do not marry a man who will not put you first, I think. Sorry the SK ruined what should have been your special moment.
Please rethink this. A
Please rethink this. A marriage proposal should be between two adults, and him Including the children indicates that he puts them on the same level as you. And his refusal to even consider how his daughter's behavior affects you is a huge red flag.
This.
This.
My formerSO, when I left him, among other stupid and/or crappy things he said while trying to convince and/or gaslight me into coming back, said "but I already planned how I was going to propose to you and (his) kid is part of proposal".
His kid was a major reason I left. Kid was horrible to not only me but (our) my BABY.
When I called him out on the absurdity of his kid (that treated us so poorly) being involved in a proposal because 1. Kid is not part of the marriage and shouldn't be involved with what should be an intimate/romantic moment between the TWO people getting engaged and 2. Kid is a horrible monster to me wtf why would he be involved even if appropriate, formerSO just did not get it and thought *I* was "just being a bitch".
Some of these guys with previous family children just do not get why a woman would not fall over themselves over joyed to become part of "their family", even if their kids are feral nasty brats. Like they are truly shocked.
Why would you want to marry a
Why would you want to marry a man who already has a mini-wife? He puts her above you, can't you see that? He takes her side regardless of what happens. You will always be last on his list of priorities. Always.
By the way, she didn't ruin the moment, HE did. Who in their right minds thinks it's a good idea to drag a child into what should be a beautiful, romantic moment for the two of you? See what he's doing? He's showing you that the proposal show was put on for her ... yes, her. And that's not to mention the stupidity of waking a sleeping child up for something that probably horrifies them - good grief, in her eyes, you're taking him away from her. How would you expect her to behave?
I wouldn't do it. Mini wife
I wouldn't do it. Mini wife issues and major red flags for future. It doesn't get better. It only gets worse. Trust me. I know. If you want to know how bad read my posts. So bad that I left after 12 years. You'll never be first.
I would think about staying
I would think about staying engaged for some time and not getting married right away until you have time to see how things play out. You may not want to be married to this guy especially when SD hits her teenage years.
Also I would hand the ring back and demand a do over. Tell him you don't want to look back and have that be your memory of his proposal.
This post just made me laugh
This post just made me laugh out loud. Literally. It pretty much sums up steplife in a nutshell. Yikes! I'm so sorry
Yep, disrespectful kids,
Yep, disrespectful kids, rudeness, lack of boundaries and being broke. Step life.
And then being questioned why
And then being questioned why YOU aren't so over joyed by it all... because everything is perfect and skids are soooo awesome. Aren't they "amazing".
yep!
yep! You are supposed to be happy for crumbs.
Prolong the engagement and
Prolong the engagement and hold off marriage for a bit. This could be a nightmare you are walking into.
Ew.
Ew.
I know that some people feel that it helps if they make the kids feel involved and include them, but there are things that should be between the adults, only. A proposal is one of them. Picking out an engagement ring is another.
Regardless of what some think, I did not marry DH AND his daughter. And I wouldn't have wanted my engagement ring, picked out by his child (or anybody else, for that matter). That is very personal, between the two people who are actually going to be married. I've never had bad feelings towards my SD but I still wouldn't want to look at my ring everyday and think of her.
His kid shouldn't be picking
His kid shouldn't be picking out your jewelry.
Thank you guys so much..
Thank you guys so much.. after giving it some thought I'm most definitely going to postpone marriage until things hopefully get sorted out.
Also... please have an exit
Also... please have an exit plan ready. Start putting some money away. I am sorry, you can try, but this likely will not get better...
Just know that "daddy's
Just know that "daddy's little girl" and a mini-wife are two different things. When my SD was young, she was a daddy's girl. Went everywhere with him and loved being with him. But DH did not involve her in our adult business, did not put her on the same level as me, and as she grew older (I've been in her life since she was 5), he appropriately distanced her. For example, stopped letting her sit on his lap in her underwear at a certain age.
That is what you want, a man who knows what is appropriate and when to put who first.
When DH and I got engaged, my
When DH and I got engaged, my mum took an official seated photo of us a week later, with me posing and holding out my hand with the ring on it. SS who was 7 at the time, deliberely photo bombed the shot. Mum and I didn't feel it was our place to tell him to butt out of it. My useless DH did nothing about it, and thought it was funny. I was furious. That should have been a red flag. Why didn't o listen ?
Your FDH is an idiot. Kids
Your FDH is an idiot. Kids have no place in a proposal. The proposal is between the couple and no one else. For damned sure the sake. If a prior failed fAmily have no place in the proposal.
For ever the proposal will be tainted.
Sad.
Your FDH is an idiot. Kids
Your FDH is an idiot. Kids have no place in a proposal. The proposal is between the couple and no one else. For damned sure the sake. If a prior failed fAmily have no place in the proposal.
For ever the proposal will be tainted.
Sad.