That didn’t take long.
Forums:
BIL1's bovine bride showed up in her true colors.
DW is so pissed off her face is purple.
The plan was for everyone to cook at MIL's. DW was going to to do her dishes on one burner and one oven shelf. No one else showed up for the cooking.
They all started showing up with their stuff already cooked. Bovine Bride comes in both g that she wasn't planning g on preparing food in her kitchen and ended up cooking all morning and now she has to clean up her stuff. Momention that she cooked her parent's TH meal and delivered it.
DW is loud cooking and loud cleaning and won't let me help. She just told me that we are leaving.
Edited
General Discussion
BIL1's bovine bride showed up in her true colors.
DW is so pissed off her face is purple.
The plan was for everyone to cook at MIL's. DW was going to to do her dishes on one burner and one oven shelf leaving all other space for the Bobine Bride.
No one else showed up for the cooking.
They all started showing up with their stuff already cooked. Bovine Bride comes in bitching that she wasn't planning on preparing food in her kitchen and ended up cooking all morning and now she has to clean up her stuff. no mention that she cooked her parent's TG meal and delivered it. Bobine Bride loudly repeated herself on how horrible her day is.
DW is loud cooking and loud cleaning and won't let me help. She just told me that we are leaving.
It has been years since the true colors of the Bovine Bride have unfurled.
So, she was planning to cook
So, she was planning to cook anyway, but is mad that she did it at her own house vs her in-laws' house, which was her own choice?
Exactly.
She is an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, cloaked in a conundrum.
So even though it was agreed
So even though it was agreed to cook at MIL, the bovine instead chose to cook in her OWN kitchen and now she's mad because she's going home to a dirty kitchen that will need cleaning?
Some people make their own storms then complain when it rains.
DH and I stayed home and had our own little meal here. I still prepared everything: turkey, stuffing, that abomination of a green bean casserole my husband likes, rolls, roasted carrots, cranberry dressing and mashed potatoes (which I forgot about and left in the crockpot). It still is a lot of work even for two people and we had business stuff to do this morning on top of it all. I'm pooped so now I'm watching Christmas Vacation, relating to Clark on a personal level, and sipping tea.
Yep. Her Choice, everyone suffered.
Things have calmed a bit and DW is begrudgingly engaging with her clan.
And..... it ended about like I expected.
BIL1's Bovine Bride sat and pouted all day and did not eat until she split a roll in half and slapped some ham on it. That is all she had all day.
DW stayed in the kitchen pretty much all day doing loud cooking and cleaning (clanging pots and pans, firmly closing cabinets, etc...). Everyone burried their head in the sand or played The Emperor's New Clothes game ignoring Bovine Bride's resurfacing crap. When she finished her cooking DW joined everyone in the LR and DR but stayed in the periphery primarily hanging with the baby (our newest nephew (BIL2's) 6mo old), speaking quietly with everyone else. BIL2 and SIL both approached DW and commented to her that she was quiet today.
DW decided that we would stay because she did not want ot upset my MIL.
Meanwhile back at the ranch and 6-ish hours later, SIL's family left, followed by BIL1's family, DW's cousin showed up with her two boys to visit with DW, MIL, and MIL's sister. Cousin is the DD of MIL's deceased youngest sister. That visit was great.
BIL2 and his family followed Cousin and her boys out at about 9PM.
Then.... MIL gave DW a hug and vehemently asked her what was wrong. DW got a bit teary, and went into how she thought we were all past the Bovine Bride's toxic stuff and that DW had looked so forward to TG with the entire family, and why is that if BB is having a bad day she has to ruin it for everyone. Discussion ensued covering that to be there for TG we had to drive 15hrs and then 15hrs back home.
MIL being empathetic to her eldest got a little teary as well.
After the hugs and some discussion, MIL, Aunt, and DD started talking work, extended family, etc, etc, etc...
It will take a few days for DW to recenter and stabilize from this Bovine Bride/IL clan ignore the crap shit storm.
No one will say a thing because it is easier to just to ignore it. Which just makes it all worse.
So, I am once again approaching the point where I will give DW the choice of dealing with it or I will say something.
The first time we were at this point DW called BB and BIL1 and very pointedly asked them what she had done to them that made them shun her and be such assholes to her and the rest of the family anytime DW was around. That initiated about 4yrs of silence where BIL1 and the BB completely disengaged from everyone. Then over a couple of years engagement increased, we had some very focused and pointed family meetings where BIL1 and the BB were trying to justify their crap and blame the family. Which was complete horse shit.
Over another decade it got to a place were it was far more pleasant though there has always been an underlying tension. IMHO due to everyone being on edge as to which version of the BB shows up.
Which gets us to today.
Now for the rest of the story. BB and BIL1 adopted twins about 5yrs ago. These kids are severly damaged. Crackhead mother, non existant father, Harpee grandmother. All in the IL clan's tiny town. BB hates her job. She has worked for the school district for 15-ish years... part time. She keeps appying for full time roles but is never selected. I am sure due to her shit attitude. The administrators do not want to deal with her full time. I know I wouldn't.
Of course as this was discussed between MIL, Aunt, and DW after everyone had left, DW started feeling guilty. For ruining everyone's TG. I hugged her and told her she had not ruined anything. She made amazing food that everyone ate almost every bite of while the other dishes, though good, there were a ton of leftovers and that everyone was worried about her. Nothing was ruined.
Unusual for me, I have bit my tongue today and I will do the same other than to be supportive until we have worked through it. I am not sure if my usual scorched Earth activities are appropriate. But, I may yet go that route.
Thanks for letting me rant my IL clan frustrations.
I hope everyone had a great TG.
Regards,
Rags