Degraded by my own family!
So, tonight I needed to vent. We had an issue with my SS uniform as it was at his aunties house (mums side). We messaged his mum to say that we need it and she said that the uniform was hers not ours. I told my partner that she's wrong because he went her house on Wednesday night with our uniform on and came back Saturday morning in his own clothes. Anyway, we sorted the issue out but I went onto my family group chat and told them the issue we had tonight and they completely degraded me, saying "you shouldn't be getting worked up over it, it's your partners issue not yours" "you have the little boy too much anyway you need to Step back from being with him all the time" "your stressing out over issues you shouldn't be stressing out over as that's a parents thing to sort out not yours" "your babysitting the boys too much".
In my eyes, when my SS is at our house, he's my SON, so I treat and do the exactly same things I would do if he was my own. But in my families eyes, worrying about his uniform isn't something I should be doing and I should leave it for my partner to wore and sort out.
my sister actually said, she wouldn't expect her ex's partner to worry over her sons uniform so why am I? Even though they only have him every other weekend. We have our SS, Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday(until 5pm) and every other Saturday. So I need to be hands on with making sure everything is ready on Sunday night for school.
Well, they shouldn't be
Well, they shouldn't be degrading to you - but they are right. He's not your son, he's BM and DH's son and none of these things are your problem.
That being said, lots of stepmothers choose to take on that stress, for some reason.
Well, are they right? Are you
Well, are they right? Are you more worried about it than your SO is? For something as simple as a uniform, why did it take you stepping in to get this task accomplished?
I get it. I'm a very engaged SM, and I've gotten into anxiety-fueled frenzies over this stuff. However, I'm never really the person who can do anything about it. I'm not going to be the one showing up at BM's or her family's homes to pick anything up. I'm never going to be the one directly arguing with her. I'll get my feather ruffled over something I have zero control over.
I also have to remember that my DH is an adult and the boys' parent. He may have his reasons why he acts the way he does (and he usually does). My getting overly upset only makes a difficult situation for him worse, and instead of just being able to handle it, he now also has to calm me down.
You do no one any favors being involved in things that happen outside your home. Sure, if you want to make sure the uniform ia clean amd SS has a hearty breakfast and help him with his homework while he's in your home, go for it. But once it's something you can no longer directly do with or for SS, or it's outside your home, you need to let his parents handle it.
Ultimately, you get involved because you want to be in control and you think your way is the only way. You also want to stick it to BM. I don't say that to disparage you; it's why we all do it. You have to stop it, just like I do and every other SP needs to. SS is NEVER going to care whether you fought with his mother over a school uniform, so this fight doesn't actually serve him. It only serves you.
With stepkids, from what i've
With stepkids, from what i've read and experienced, you either have full authority as a parent or you don't. Can you honestly say that you do? If so, worry about it. If not, meaning that when push comes to shove the bioparents make decisions amongst themselves, you are best leaving the headache to your husband. Don't accept responsibility without authority.
Don't accept responsibility
Don't accept responsibility without authority.
Well said!!!
They did not degrade you,
They did not degrade you, they offered opinions on the situation you presented to the group.
Feeling degraded is your choice. So make a different choice.
I get considering your Skid as YOUR son. I raised mine as my own. However, that does not invalidate the opinions of others when you present a topic for discussion.
The reality is as much as you
I am on your side here but disagreeing does not always mean unsupportive. The reality is as much as you may think or say he is your son, he is not your son. This is sad but unfortunately the truth. These situations are very hard for this reason. There is another parent involved who actually is his parent. That is why these situations end up in divorce. We fool ourselves into thinking we actually are relevant when it comes to these types of decisions. Stepkids and an ex almost always equals divorce (or unhappily married forever). I am sorry you are going through all this.
I’m with the OP on the Skid
I'm with the OP on the Skid being her son. Biology is not the only qualifier to being a real parent. There are countless Sparents in the blended family world who are far more a parent to their Skids than one, the other, or both BPs are.
I don't think they degraded
I don't think they degraded you, I think they care for you. If you were my friend, I would have said the same things from a caring spot. Do you think you might be sensitive?
The reality is that he is not your son. That is great that you take on a motherly role with him, I'm all for that, but if it is to your own detriment (stress, anxiety, drama for nothing, etc.), then you should take a step back. There's no point in wasting all this energy on something you can't control.