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Dagger to the heart

Unhappy's picture

So FSD(6) approaches me last night when I was in the kitchen and told me that she was in the bathroom with her mom and when she saw the toilet paper her mother was using she saw blood on it. When she asked her mom where it came from her mom told her it was from a bloody nose. Now FSD is not stupid so she told her mother to tell her the truth. So what does her mother do? One would think that she would have told her she would talk to her about it when she got older. Nope. Not this lady. She told her 6 year old about having a period.

Now this is not the first time that FSD has approched me and told things her mother has taught her. When she was 5 she told me that she didn't want to grow up because she would get hair on her privates and and in her arm pits.

I am so pissed for many reasons right now. Why the hell would you tell a 6 year old about that. She's 6. My BD(7) lives with me full time and the last thing that I want is to have FSD tell her what her mommy told her about.

After the kids went to bed SO and I got into it last night about what had happened and to make a long story short I'll just tell you how it ended. SO told me that at least she tried to cover it up by telling her that it was from a bloody nose and that it's probably not as bad as it sounds. He told me that she would never talk to their BD about that and that she is doing the best that she can.

You want to talk about a dagger to the heart. He actually defended her. After all that I have done he defended her. I'm the reason why he has the ability to sit on his ass all day watching football drinking himself into a stupor and after all that hard work can take a nap while I clean, wrangle 3 kids 2 of which are his, run errands, take care of the dog, make beds, do laundry, feed kids. (That was my day yesterday.)

I can't believe he defended her. After everything she has put our realtionship through. All the crap that I have put up with. He thinks tha she would never tell her those things. Apparently he's forgotten about her dragging the same child into adult issues when she was trying to get him back. Apparently he's forgotten about all the lies she has told. I guess he must have forgotten about her calling CPS on him and filing false child abuse allegations on him this year. What about the fact that she sh!t in me for almost a year and he let it happen.

Really SO? She's doing the best that she can? In what aspect of life are you refering to?

Does anybody else think that this situation is more than a little messed up?

helena_brass's picture

Well, I'm sure your SO deserves a good whooping (no able-bodied person should sit on their a** at the expense of another), but I have to agree with him here. I just don't think it's that big of a deal. I knew what a period was from a very early age. No one ever tried to hide it from me, and I don't think it had some horrible impact on my childhood.

my.kids.mom's picture

I don't think it's such a bad thing either. Just because you wouldn't tell your daughter that early doesn't mean what you do is all right and what someone else does differently is all wrong. Has your daughter never seen you without clothes? How does she not know about hair in the privates? I hate to tell you this, but I started growing hair at age 8. So when do you plan on telling her? My mom told us about sex too early Diablo but it didn't affect me as an adult. I thought it was gross for a long time and wondered if I would ever want to do it. I didn't tell my 9 yr old until she was 8 and only because kids at school told her you get pregnant from "sucking on a weenie" LOL

Unhappy's picture

She's 6. This lady is insane if you ask me. I think that FSD is at an age where it migh be a little inappropriate with walking around nude in front of her and I think that she is way to young to have a chat about what a period is. It's not that I don't like being honest when asked a quetion by any of the kids but I do think that there is a time and a place.

WTH was she doing in the bathroom with her mother anyways while her mother was going to the bathroom?

Everybody is entitled to their own opinion but had she been in the bathroom while her father was using it and posted about that everyone on here would have freaked out about how inapropriate it is to do that and yet it's so different for the BM somehow. I don't get it.

helena_brass's picture

This really just seems like a difference of beliefs on age appropriateness and modesty. Really, I think that your concern about your own child is warranted, but if BM chooses to pee with the door open, that's her business. My family is a family of women, and we very rarely shut the bathroom door. I've seen everyone's boobies, panties, and whatnot starting from the time I was born. It's only inappropriate if you believe it's inappropriate, which you are entitled to do.

Dannee's picture

I tell my daughter the truth about my period and my skids..

They are girls and will be young women some day...so
if the ? is asked I tell them the truth...

Funny story...my neighbor next store was over she was 4 at the time..

She was in the bathroom with me and she saw that I had my period..
I told her what it was and that one day she would have it too..

Well her mom calls me and she says that her daughter is asking everyone
if they have their period.

We all thought it was funny...it is a fact of life..
When ?'s come up...I just tell the truth to their level..

Unhappy's picture

Ripley,

He wasn't trying to diffuse the situation. I think after drinking around three plus bottles of wine starting at 11 am that he was a little hammered and was being a complete a$$hole. Oh the joy of Sunday football. It's like he's single all over again.

Unhappy's picture

I understand that hse is the mother to her BD. I get that. But I don't agree that at 6 FSD needs to know about a period. Tha's just my opinion. I know that I have no control over how she parents but I do have control over my BD and I'm not planning on having that convo with her for a while. Why? Because she's 7. I want her to be a 7 year old and not have her worrying about things that won't be happening for a while. I want her to just focus on being 7 and a child for a little bit longer and I sure as hell don't want that crazy BM forcing my child to grow up faster then I think she should and I have ervery right to be upset about that.

Unhappy's picture

I wasn't complaining on how the ex was parenting her kids, even though I don't argree with it. I was irratated about he fact that her parenting can directly affect my BD. That's it. End of story. And just in case you haven't read any of my posts about this lady, she's a complete nut job.

What p!sses me off is that he would defend her and tell me that she probably didn't say anything, that she would never do that to their BD, and she's doing the best that she can.

Really? I know what was said to his BD. She talked to me while he was passed out in the living room last night. She would never do that? This is the same lady that used to tell their BD that mommy's sad because mommy and daddy aren't together anymore, or if Unhappy and daddy don't get a long mommy and daddy are going to get married again. (Again, not telling her how to parent, but I was always under the understanding that you don't bring children into adult issues. A councelor that FSD saw said the same thing.) And she's doing the best she can? So the ex con that moved straight from prison into her house is the best she can do? What about the CPS thing? What about the sitting outside the house at 3 am? The stalking of both him and my BD(5) at the time? Getting fired for stealing from her last job? Give me a break she's freaking insane.

havesimplyhadit's picture

The worst part of all of this is that your dh is defending the ex. Who gives a shit what this woman tells her kid. I wouldn't even worry about it. Not your kid, not your problem. If the bm starts telling the kid horrible things, then you can just tell the kid to go to her dad, let him deal with it. Why get yourself all worked up over that- who cares. I would however be ultra pissed at him defending her. That's horrible.

my.kids.mom's picture

I'm REALLY confused. He "drank himself into a stupor" and "passed out"? And you are worried about how the BM's parenting her own child is going to affect your child? The child you have full time and is apparently being exposed to this man you speak so highly of?

3798HH's picture

I think I was like 6 or 7 when my mom told me about a period.. maybe younger cause I used to sit in the bathroom with her when she was getting ready, taking a bath, using the toilet. I know it sounds young but I really didn't think anything of it when she told me other than it was gross. I didn't talk about it with friends either. I had a friend that her mom got prego when we were in the 3rd grade and she announced to the class that she was going to be a sister cause her parents had sex lol!!... I had friends that "started" in the 4th and 5th grade so she really isn't that far away from needing to know what a period is.

purpledaisies's picture

I was 8 when my mom told me b/c in our family we have a history of starting very early. Both my gmas started at 9 so I don;t think this mother was that far off base. I was a single mom and I could NOT go to the bathroom ever without keeping the door open. My son would ALWAYS get hurt to the point I had to take him to the er. They knew him by name! If she has any reasons like that to have the kids with her just to use the bathroom I understand that so very much! And if she has to do that then yep one or more of her kids will see what she saw and ask questions.

i see nothing wrong with what she did at all. She did try kids are smarter then you think.

now as far as effecting your dd it may not you never know really. She might say something but really i don't think she will. I think she was talking to you b/c you are an adult and she might be looking for you to verify what her mom said. It might also be that she doesn't quite understand what her mom said or tried to explain.

I would if you don;t want her to say anything to your dd is sit her down and talk to her about it and ask her to just keep that to herself for now or something like that. She is 6 and at that age they are very curious. good luck

bestwife's picture

Your real issue is not about the period stuff. It is that he DEFENDED her against you.

I understand completely.

The part that makes me so CRAZY is that my DH defends his two exes.

First ex: spread her legs at will, had a series of one night stands resulting in pregnancies. My DH got caught in this trap. Yes she has a degree and a good job = but she is till a whore in my opinion. Has been always will be.

Second ex: Could not get over her first ex who left her for his secretary. A true BITCH. Everyone I've met who knew her says "Oh thank god - you are so nice she was such a bitch". She eventually took him for every dime (literally) that he had and then she remarried her ex - who had even sued her and gotten custody of their children. Why - he ended up with a bunch of money.

I refer to them as the "whore" and the "bitch" which makes him furious as that is a reflection on him. I HATE their guts - never met either of them. I am SO far superior to these c's.

bestwife's picture

Your real issue is not about the period stuff. It is that he DEFENDED her against you.

I understand completely.

The part that makes me so CRAZY is that my DH defends his two exes.

First ex: spread her legs at will, had a series of one night stands resulting in pregnancies. My DH got caught in this trap. Yes she has a degree and a good job = but she is till a whore in my opinion. Has been always will be.

Second ex: Could not get over her first ex who left her for his secretary. A true BITCH. Everyone I've met who knew her says "Oh thank god - you are so nice she was such a bitch". She eventually took him for every dime (literally) that he had and then she remarried her ex - who had even sued her and gotten custody of their children. Why - he ended up with a bunch of money.

I refer to them as the "whore" and the "bitch" which makes him furious as that is a reflection on him. I HATE their guts - never met either of them. I am SO far superior to these c's.