Coping with the husband, his ex and their child
Hello everyone! I have been married for 2 years to my husband who has an extremely irrational control freak ex. They share a 7 year old son. Their relationship is not about raising their son together but is one of manipulation, control, and spite - mainly on her side but my husband is not exempt from those behaviors either. Their CO says 50/50 and that's it. They have evolved into a EOWD schedule and my husband claims that he is now ready to be a full time father and handle his entire 50%. I will be honest and say that I'm not sure he has a complete idea of what that kind of commitment requires. The BM is trying her darndest to make sure that doesn't happen. In the mean time, there is me, a mother of two boys from previous marriages (who for the most part are well-rounded, good kids. Standard boy hi-jinks but nothing out of the ordinary) and a good bit older than my husband and his ex.
I really want to say something that I don't dare tell my husband, his ex, or other people close to the situation. I don't think either one of them have any business being parents in the first place and my SS(7) is well on his way to being as screwed up as they are! How to cope?? I will admit that I have told my husband and his ex that they both need to get their heads out of their asses and think of their child instead of the games they play. The ex forbids me now from being involved with SS(7) in any way (which is kind of hard to do considering he lives in my house EOWD!) and my husband wants my help and support but when I try to help I get crapped on and when I don't help I get crapped on. And frankly I'm not even sure how much I really like my SS(7) either. He is learning incredibly fast the game of manipulation and lying.
Any advice is appreciated as I try to weed through this three ring circus that isn't of my creation and other than the love for my husband, I would walk away from faster than you can say "RUN!" 
Telling him he has no
Telling him he has no business being a parent is unproductive and hurtful. He's already a parent .. so there's no value-add in saying something like that.
His ex can't forbid you from anything that doesn't involve her .. if you believe she can, you have grossly overestimated her and her power over you. She should not be able to dictate anything that happens in your home or on your time. If she is able to, that is your DH's fault. He needs to set the boundaries and stick to them. You need to disengage from her and not let her crazy get to you. Let DH deal with her exclusively. If you are willing to offer him your support and help, he needs to acknowledge and appreciate that. If he can't respect reasonable boundaries, you can't be responsible for anything his kid needs/does/wants.
I have never told him to his
I have never told him to his face that he has no business being a parent. It's a thought in my head sometimes when I see him doing things that just tells me he still has a lot of maturing to do in the area of being a parent. Small example: SS(7) will be at our house and my husband will decide it's time for a nap. Zonks out for a couple of hours without thought to his duties as a father. I have explained that just because I'm in the house that he shouldn't assume that his son will be OK while he naps. Sure we all take a nap now and then but be courteous enough to ask if I will check on your son before you just indulge yourself??! He just has so much to learn and he is getting it but it's a really slow process (he has a lot of issues just based on his own childhood. Things about child-rearing that the average person would know he does not. His parental examples leave a lot to be desired.) I try to have sympathy but sometimes I just feel downright used.
His ex does NOT control anything at my house. I made it clear a couple of weeks ago that she isn't to contact me at all. In the past if she could not get in touch with my husband I was the next in line for the text msgs and calls and crap she spews forth like venom).
Their constant drama invades my life though and at times it is so awful that I just want to run and hide which I shouldn't have to do. It's hard to support him but stay in the background to not make it worse for him is the ex even slightly thinks I'm involved in some way with the decisions for their son.