I always get the best advice on this blog and thank everybody f for taking the time to answer and give advice. 
 

My 13 year old stepson (I have known him since he was seven & we just got married last June (2023) might get in to a prestigious Catholic private school in our area. Hopefully he gets accepted of course, but my husband and I have been having let's call it heated discussion about helping pay for the tuition. A little backstory.... my husband has full custody of the kids. His ex-wife has passed away and the kids get almost $2500 a month from her Social Security each. I have been with my husband, since his separation end have went through the divorce process with him, as well as the custody battle and everything. I have loved and supported both boys who are 13 and 10, since I have met them and treated them as they were my own. I do plenty of things for them by plenty of things for them and go out of my way to be the best stepparent I possibly can. The 10 year old and I have a very close relationship. I have known him since he was barely 3 years old and I feel his both grandparents heavily favor they're older grandchild and he's constantly sure changed. This being said I'll do extra for him to make him feel special and loved. He is also a different child. He is loving is kind and actually wants me to be part of his family. The oldest who is 13 is a serious issue for me. He is nice enough to me in front of his father but when his father is not around, here is incredibly rude and ignores me, does not answer me, but still demands stuff for me and argues with me. For example, the other day there was a delayed opening so I had to take his brother and him to school and the 13-year-old kept hurting his 10 year old brother by bending his fingers back and squeezing them throwing him against a couch hitting him and acting up as I was driving both of them to school. My husband said he took care of it and spoke to him but honestly I have been through this before and nothing you say will change his attitude and behavior. He had a therapist, but he doesn't have it anymore. He didn't use a Therapist or talk to a therapist and since he's been seven years old, everybody's been saying oh, it's the age, making excuses for his behavior. He acts up all the time, especially when his father is not watching or not with him and makes a simple task a chore because he will not stop acting up. It could be anything from throwing stuff at cars or any mischievous behavior and curses nonstop and honestly he is a spoiled brat. Both grandparents must feel incredibly guilty. There are a lot of issues, so they spoil him uncontrollably. 
 

Now getting back to my conundrum, if he gets in to this private school, the tuition is about 20 grand a year. 
My husband thinks I should contribute and pay part of the tuition. My husband was also upset even though I got a pay cut Ed Work and spent over $800 on both kids for Christmas that I didn't spend enough and was cheap with Christmas presents. Meanwhile, I bought them both Gucci slides and pay for stuff and do stuff all year long. I told my husband why should I be asked to go into debt over Christmas gifts and both kids do not even like the gifts they get they are just expected. It's my fault when I complain that I have to leave work or change my plans to go pick up my oldest stepson who for some reason does not have a friend group to carpool with and I'm expected to drive out of my way to go pick him up and then take him somewhere else and when I called to find out where he is after I changed my plans he answers the phone with a rude "what" if he answers at all? . He doesn't thank me for driving him to different sports practices or picking him up. It's expected. Meanwhile, I have an expensive car that needs high-end gas and mileage is extremely expensive, I have an Audi A5. My husband and I basically split our bills 50-50 we each contribute, my husband is contribute more for vacations and stuff of that nature. Like I told him if I could afford to go somewhere, I wouldn't, and I wouldn't take these type of vacations. Meanwhile, we have yet to go on a honeymoon because my husband tells me I should contribute heavily for a honeymoon. Our kids come on every trip, especially the oldest even if we're going a weekend away to Harvey show or anything he constantly comes and it's annoying because when we go out to eat mind you with his grandparents, he eats cheaply, but when I'm paying the bill, he wants a steak or something expensive and half the time he doesn't like it and doesn't eat it. A real pain in the ass. I took him out to eat one time and the most expensive thing on the menu was a New York strip steak and he asked me if you could have it I said fine and then he stopped eating it, and said it's not as good as a fillet he prefers filet mignon. Meanwhile, the kid who loves aggressive, chicken and rice soup, and when he's with his grandparents pool extremely cheaply, he will eat that type of food as well and never demand they take him out too expensive restaurants in order the most expensive thing. Even if I could afford to help pay for the tuition, I wouldn't he barely talks to me does not introduce me as a stepmother, or at all, and is rude an argumentative. Every time I let my guard down and I'm super nice to him and go out of my way he does something and it makes me regret it. It hurts because I would love a child of my own but because I'm 40 years old and my husband does not want any more children that is not happening. 
My 10 year old stepson on the other hand, his loving, polite and appreciative. I do a lot of things with him and actually enjoy doing it because he is that much of a great kid and really truly loves me.

The 13 year-old at our wedding was struggling to even say congratulations. He had such a post on his face, even though we included him and everything.

He's a miserable child and honestly, I cannot wait till he goes to college. I keep telling myself less than five years left. I love him very much and if I didn't love him, I would have never married his father. He makes it very difficult to like him though. 
Regardless, I don't know what to do with the high school tuition bill. I don't make enough money to cover it and it's not like my husband pays for my health insurance even. Meanwhile, he gets money every month from his mother's Social Security death benefit. And he has more money in his bank account that I do but I'm expected to pay for everything. He barely spends a dime, and when he's asked to pay for something, it's World War III. I truly am very happy in my marriage of lately but because of my 13 year old stepson, there are a lot of fights he makes it very difficult.